When you try to find your calm and peace and it doesn't work, what do you do?
Well, I do many things in the same time.
I have so many projects insinde of my head, but I think the main problem is somewhere else.
I can be relaxed and do nothing but my mind is just a mess.

FAAAAAAAAAKK!
I know where it is but I try to focus on something else.
So I jump into projects and other stuff without support or a guide.
This is normally when Annica comes in and say
- "I know why you are cranky, you need to get laid."
And my asian sister is almost always right with what she says.

Now it's even hard to just look at a guy...
I tell myself when I have time off, that I will sit down and study and do meditation and try to focus.
Somehow I can't convince myself that I can!
I am impossible. IT is impossible... I need to sleep!

I need to do something about this problem...
I am getting insaaaaaaaaaaaane over here!

Well, this is what is inside of mine....(Or Annicas to be correct)

A BARBAPAPA figure....
I think Annica had fun this weekend! (?)
I laughed my ass off when I opened the fridge to make myself some food.



On my way out. It's getting colder every day... puhu...
I give you a picture of myself today, without glases!!

Mjaaaa...I miss Fluff... He is leaving to Barcelona soon. :(
But I've got myself a "Kryll" instead of "Fluff" now,
that will replace him, so I think I'll do just fine during the time.
But I will still miss him.

I need to sleep more. I'm getting puffy-eyes without smoking anything.
Maybe it's also called inner stress.... ??

MEDITATION TIME!!!

WHEN do you know that you are crazy?
Do you ever KNOW that you are insane, if you are?
And HOW do you know it?

Sometimes I think I'm crazy.
But what IS crazy? And what is normal?
Is anyone normal?

I'm loosing my mind sometimes. Doesn't everyone sometimes?
When the mind play tricks on you but you don't know it.
But when you realize it, it's too late.

The brain is more powerful then you ever could imagine.
You can do anything when you understand it.
But it's a powerful tool that can take years of practise.
And sometimes a lifetime isn't enough.

The more you know, the more you realize that you DON'T KNOW!
How much information can you have in your brain?

Sometimes I wonder if everything was a dream.
Is he real or is he not? Is he alive? Where is he?
What is he doing and is he okey?
There is NO traces from this person.
Does he even exist? What is real and what is not?
Maybe I am living in a dream now instead of before?
AM I INSANE after all?

Or maybe he just made me insane in the fucking brain?

It's time for the bed. I have 5 hours of sleep before I will go up and work.
YAY! But it have been a great day and night anyway.

Sleep tight everyone.

Explore and see the worlds amazing places, that is my passion...
And how cool isn't this to visit?
I had the chance over a year ago but I didn't have the time or money.
But maybe I'll have another chance....?

Turkey is cheap and beautiful.
I just need the time and money now....
A week off would be nice at least.
Maybe even to get a turkish massage.... Mmmm.. That would be nice :)




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Other places to visit in my lifetime would be Taj Mahal.
And other places in India.

And Macchu Picchu in Peru of course. One of the seven world wonders.

That's on my check list... Oh yeah baby.

And of course Egypt and the pyramids is still on my list.

Also a very cheap place to go to from Sweden (or denmark).

And when I go to the States and gonna do my roadtrip....
Which will come, but when is the question - Why not visit the Niagara Falls as well??

BEA-UTI-FULL :D

And then we have Paris and Venice.
And do some diving in the great barrier reef?
I am not finished with the world and the worlds culture....

I don't know where to start.....
TATA FOR NOW. TTYL!

 

 

Someone took the clock and turned back the time (?)....

 

I am a person who tries every day to not look back.

It doesn't do any good anyway, try to live in the moment NOW – TODAY!

Even if it's hard and of course it is, you can't do anything about it.

What has happened, has happened.

 

Move forward, or at least try to!

I know many many who are stuck in a moment, they can't get out of.

(Just like U2 sings hehehe)

 

Yesterday was hard for me and not look back.

Or well, the whole week have been really weird.

I went back to my own apartment like I said.

An empty apartment. MY empty apartment.

And that felt like I went back in time, for 2-3 years.

Just being in my area Drottningtorget felt weird.

Streets I've walked down so many times and now in the autum it feels like I'm back at 2008.

Like I never went away on my trip that winter.

That everything the past 2 years have been a big dream....

Old feelings coming up and being back to where I ended my life 2 years ago is strange.

 

The feeling in my apartment is just that I want to have a glass

of wine and enjoy myself with loud music and make passionate love with someone.

Or just have nice company and talk until the morning sun rises.

 

I'm listening to the sound of my freezer right now.

Finding my cat's Mishas old balls everywhere.

I miss her like hell when I am here. No one is catching the flies. :(

Walking on the wooden floor and sleeping in my own bed again feels soooo weird.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just woke up, laying on my sofa (YAY!) and I'm just looking at all my stuff.

My stuff, my actual stuff. That I forgot I had....

I overslept for the Yoga this morning.

But since I went home and to bed after 01.30 am last night, this is the reason.

I fell a sleep during the movie last night as well at Joels place.

The Yoga and mediation totally knocked me out yesterday.

I was just tired and hungry during the whole day!

So now I've decided to go to afternoon class instead today!

 

I've got a big day in front of me.

With loud music and a lot of cleaning!

And I'm going to do it all alone! That's the best! I love it!

So now I'll better move my ass up and get breakfast and then start....

 

TTYL!!! :)

Hey Hey Hey Hey!



I knoooooooooow I have been a bad writer lately,
BUT I am back now!

I've been packing, cleaning and bla bla bla, everything surrounding my apartment.
I didn't think it would take so much of my time.
But it did. Almost a week!



I haven't had ANY TIME AT ALL to study! Nada, none!
At the moment, I feel stressed because there is so many things to do.
But I am checking one after one...
So my list is getting smaller at least and after this week it's much better!!

I've spendt a week in my old apartment and I found my old closet on the attic.

Weo, I've been walking on the catwalk and …. NOTHING FITS!

(Well they fit, but it's loose... woho)

Except from those things I saved for "if I one day would loose weight".

And wehooo, Lee is a.... SMART LADY!!

 

 

Because now they fit just perfect, but walking around in clothes from the 90's

maybe is not the best. Oh, but it would be a blast!!!

Some things I saved though, because they are fun and jeans always fit. :)

I've also been laughing my ass off for days while looking through stuff.

I found my old Adidas kickers pants! (as we call it down here)

And my old rave clothes. And they FIT! Can you believe it?

I've been having so much fun. And my old Buffalo shoes.

I can't believe I still had them.

 

RAVE LEE HAHAHAHAHA

 

Buffalo soldier... woh... going back in tiiiiiime!!!! HAHAHAHA!!

Also found my grandmothers old flower in water. Very 80's, cool!!

(My biggest memory from her and a big saver)

And my halloween costume has arrived now. And it's pretty! :)

Fits absolutely perfect! Weo!

 

I've saved things from my childhood.

Found a carton full with school stuff, from diaries to letters.

And it's ALWAYS fun to read!

I've always been a big writer, since I was a kid.

Now days I have my blog, it's a bit easier then writing on a piece of

paper and have to save a whole carton with books and shoe-boxes with letters etc.

 

When you can see yourself from another perspective,

you see the person who I've been and who I am now.

I've been lost for so many years, and I've even wrote it myself.

“The only thing I want to do is to get away, breath and focus on myself and try to find myself.

Even so if I have to go back to my roots and start over from square one”.

Something like this I wrote 1999. And it's exactly what I've done.

I've always been a fan of traveling,

because then I could get away from all the troubles I had at home.

To my own little paradise that I created in my head.

 

I created my “own world” in the age of 3-4 y.o.

I never liked this world. And that's also why I was “rebellish” in such a young age.

Started to drink and party early and didn't care about school at all.

The only time I cared about school was when I could write about my thoughts and myself.

I lived my own life, my bubble and nothing else mattered for me.

Call it ego. That's what I do! Who is more important then yourself?

 

I've been drawing pictures and writing that I wanted to

be saved by a prince on the white horse.

I still want that. But I don't want to be saved by anything today.

 

I've also notices that in every diary or letter, I was in love with a new guy.

Wow, impressive! HAHAHA! Flirts, flings, loves, friends etc etc.

And I sure loved to party. Wow, boys and party was the only thing on my mind.

But hey, now I can say "been there, done that". Boring, next thing....

I just woke up. It only took me 25 years. Or is this what they call grown up?
I don't know. I don't want to be a grown up.
But I am responsible today and I like it, that is something I never never liked before.

Maybe because I am more secure today?
You tell me!

Well, this is it for me today... Over and out.
SHANTI OUT!

 

 

I know I haven't updated myself for a while but I've been busy in my old apartment.
Clean, clean, clean and sort out what to keep and what not to keep.
I didn't realize that I have so much TRASH!!! GOD DAMN!!

I had a day with help from Jenny. Wonderful girl! :)
Normally you don't have any friends

Of course I've been writing on my computer,
but since I left it in my apartment and I'm at Annicas place now -
I can't update myself so much. And I'm pretty tired.

I've been eating like a horse today. Emelie made dinner :)
And cookies on that... mja mja, can't complain!!

Had a loooong skype talk with Ahmet from Turkey too :)
That was nice... woho..

time for bed. ta taaa

Soon I can go back to Asia and stand and scream MASSAAAAAAAAAAAAGE on the street.
The first day in school were nice.
But now my brain is totally exhausted.
And since it's saturdays and sundays I go to school, I'll never have a day off to sleep,
since I wake up 06.00 and go for Yoga.

I HAVE to start doing more meditation though.
And I have to pick up that damn ping pong ball again.
I'm so stressed and I have way to many things in my head to worry about at the same time.
But this has only been the last week, since I had to make many decisions....
I'm still waiting until I move. Soon, soon, soon....

I know that I can relax in a different way then!
And I'm not looking forward to ANYTHING else at the moment.
That is for sure...



Got these from the school. Homework.
I'm going to frame these and put on the wall later :)



And now my pretty nails are off too...
Feels weird and even a bit "ugly" since I'm used to having long girlie nails.
But what can I do? I don't want to hurt anyone.
My hands on this picture look reeeeeeeeeally weird... don't they?



Everything I need....



What can I say? HOMEWORK!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

And now I don't even have a place to live at for almost a week.
This is the worst fucking timing for that.... EVER!
But what can I do? Well... let us say.... SHIT!
I have so many things to do, and now I even have to take some stuff
and put in a bag for a week and then come back and move again...
And I first of all have to find somewhere to live. Like a friends place or so.
But hey, I'm not 15 anymore.
Now suddenly we are grown ups and have jobs, kids, blaha blaha blaha.
SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO VOMIT!

You guys maybe can understand the feeling I'm having at the moment?
Yeah, I feel like a fucking FUCKUP!
I know I'm not, but now you may understand why I just want my own apartment....right?

Aaaaand, I don't have any money.
HURRAAAY! Life is so much fun from day to day.
Up & Down, Up & Down, Up & Down.  Down, down, up, up...
Sometimes I wish that people would stop care about money for a while and spread love instead.
Money only makes humans sad and angry.
And for those who have money, MORE GREEDY!

Why help or give, when you have? No... WHY?
(I hope u get the irony with this)

Had a really intensed Yoga class this afternoon/night....Damn it was hard!
But I love it, even if it feels like I'm dying at the moment haha.
Or was it just my sore muscles since yesterdays Body Pump?
Specially my ass... ooohhh... aaaahhh!!

Just had a nice long hot shower and a scrub.
Japanese Icetea - Oishi - Bought at Asian Trading, nice Thailand memory! :)
Adding some fried rice, egg, carrots, salmon & crayfish.... Good as heaven!
Incense, candles, some relaxing music and now a footbath with scrub.
Then a face-mask and alot of body butter all over my body!
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!



I CAN NOT COMPLAIN AT ALL! NO NO NO NO!
Curtains are now DOWN since my neighbor
"photographed" my ass earlier today?
Well, what can I say? I don't like clothes...
I sure hope he took a great shot anyway :)

One more thing... I don't like Annicas vacuumcleaner at ALL!
Now I'm going to read my new sport magazine that I haven't had time to read yet.



HAHA I got this lovely man in a e-mail from some pension company...
I thought he was so damn cute so he deserves a picture in my blog.
What a lovely guy! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

Over and out buddies. Tattaaaa

I missed my Yoga this morning and decided to go now, 17.00.
I bought a new sport bra today as well, since all mine are too big now days haha....
And since I like strong colors, I found this beauty!

And say what you want... but this is so much I'll ever show you guys. :P
And I seriously don't care at all about having this on my blog.
There are other things to worry about!



What do you think?
Nice huh?

LINDEX 129? kr...

I look back to autum 2008.... Before I left on my big journey.
I totally forgot that feeling. Then I mean those GOOD FEELINGS!
When I went to the gym, focused on myself and just had a really cozy time at home.
I was home alot, and just because I wanted to. Just like now.
I can be home and clean the apartment, and I like it. (not every time though)
but, to have a perfect clean apartment and bed that is just made is sweet!
Sure I miss the summer and the warm climate, but damn - Swedish autum is nice!
When it's not raining and being windy though;)

Candle lights, some soft chill music and some nice tea.
And instead of "getting wasted" during the weekends,
cook a nice dinner with nice company and just enjoy life to the full.
Maybe even a movie and some cuddeling in the sofa.
That my people, that is the SHIT!
Oh I miss my sofa. Sooon my sofa, you are all mine again! :)
Well, I just need someone to cuddle with, Mario is getting pretty boring now!

And let's not talk about going jogging, just before it's too dark.
Then go home and relax and do what ever. It's so damn sweet!
That's what I did the other day with Joel, and then I had the "old good feeling" again.
Having a routine again is also nice. Everything is just so god damn NICE!

There is alot of balls in the air as we say in Swedish....at the moment.
I'm starting to study in the weekend.
Yepp, you heard me. I'm going to be a masseuse!!
And after that I can continue working on the right path...
With FRISKVÅRD, translated into english - Healthy host (?)
Gym, massage, health coach etc.
And by then I am not afraid of standing in front of people (sober)
and do a speach or be a instructor .....
Then my plan is YOGA YOGA YOGA!!
Nothing else in my head then YOGA BEBE!

There is alot of paperwork at the moment too.
Signing for the new apartment, and the old too.
I met the broker today and then we are signing contract next week =)
We both are approved! Woho!

I also got my glasses yesterday. So now I'm a nerd for real :)
But I like them...



What do YOU think??
I also did Body Pump today, and Yoga this morning.
So I'm pretty tired now.

This saturday I'm going to start my study and then after that I'm going to my sweet Daddy do!
And if Annica thought about having a party, I think I'll stay there....
Since I have to focus on the study now!
Or sleep at a friends place maybe!?

Well, this is it for me this night.

C YA'LL!

Today it's one month ago I sat hungover in my sofa a sunday morning.
When Tommy went home to Falkenberg and I spendt the rest
of the day with also a sober man, Joel.
He is a good inspiration for me.
It's a good day to keep in mind, because it was that day I decided to stop.
And now I keep counting the days, and the months...
I've even posted it in my calender. To see for how long I will make it.

3 months (AT LEAST) is my goal.
I have to say like J: Rather a small step in right direction then running the wrong way.
After 3 months, I can set up a new goal.
Willpower it's called. I will never let myself down again!! NEVER!

Anyway, I celebrate this day with some newly fresh home made orange juice for my breakfast.
I hade to try out the orange press that my mum gave to Annica and not me :P
So I bought oranges on the market this morning, with other fruits as well for my breakfast :)



Two oranges later....



Miix with a bit of lime (favorite) and water... And add some ice!
And sim-sala-bim ...



Yesterday I went to meditation, massage and then jogging in the park with Joel.
My body was soooo god damn tired and sore and I haven't slept much either.
My alarm started at 06.00 this morning and I was really really close to just go back to sleep.
I didn't have the energy at all to walk up from the bed.
My muscles are still sore since the massage as well.

My mind was not working at all.
I went up, got dressed and took the bike down.
It felt like I was still sleeping. My head was anyway.
Today was not the best day for Yoga.

But I placed myself on the mat anyway and I could barelly move.
Or touch my toes. Aw, aw., aw... aj aj aj...
Yoga started and when Daniel talked, I tried to to focus and listen.
But it felt like I wasn't there... I couldn't!
Everything went in from one ear and out through the other...WTF!

Well, I piss myself off sometimes. But hey -
- Accept, and let go!
*grrrr*

For those who have a hard time to let go, this is a good thing to think about!

PEACE LOVE AND HAPPYNESS!

That is the number that knows it all....
(At least in Sweden anyway)

I've never tried to ask them a question, but now I saw a commercial on TV
and I thought, what the heck.... I have to try it. Just for fun!
This is a number you text in a question and they answer it!

So I asked: What is the name of the man I'm going to marry?
And I practically laughed my ass of when I got the answer.....

Answer: You are going to hook up with a guy named Robert Andersson
from Stockholm. He is a slimmed sport guy and he likes chess.
But within a couple of years when you meet him in a elevator in
World Trade Center in Stockholm he is going to be just
a normal random guy who is very kind and thoughtful.
You are going to melt when he starts to hum on your favourite song by Oasis.
14 months later, you are married.

HAHAHAHAHA....Who makes up these answers??
I want that job!!

And I guess that the song will be WONDERWALL then?? :)

I surfed around on  Internet-land after sleeping way too long on the sofa....

I found a very good blog by Michael Jura, and I decided to just copy his blogpost to mine.

This video is just awesome and inspiring as hell.... :)

 

So I just wanted to share this video with of Sean Stephenson on a fundamental truism of life,

which is basically, life is too short, so let's dance!

Warning: You may laugh uncontrollably during this video. It's happened before

This guy rocks and so does his dancing.

So why not take a 5-minute break, put on your favorite tune,

and shake your body and move your spirit.  I'm doing it right now

 

Oh, and just a bit about Sean. He's an amazing guy.
He's had every bone broken in his body before he was 18,
is 3-feet tall, and still has done more in his 31 years
than the average human being does in a life time.
It's all to do with mindset and shifting the way you think.

For those who are interested....

Alarm at 06.00.... Snoozed 2 times after looking out the window.
Rain, and it's dark outside. I don't like the dark and grey.
It's autum now, for real. I've missed it, but in the same time NOT!
Well, I can't lay there the whole day, better go up and get going to the meditation class.
Today I don't have time to go on the Yoga class,
I'm going to have a massage today instead! :D
It was more then a year ago I went to see Per (my massause, or how you spell it)

After meditation class I felt gooooooooooood!
I have to practise more on that though, and my damn legs that are falling a sleep every time.
Now I'm home, listening to Craig Pruess and trying to relax while eating my breakfast.
And drinking my morning tea.



And trying to build up the heat before I go out in the rain again.
This time I'm gonna wear a raincoat :)
After the massage I'm going to be dead, so I'll better relax before the
BODY PUMP class I'm gonna go to later with Malin.

---

Update: I've just been for 1 hour massage with Per.
Now I'm going to take a nap because I AM SOOO DAMN TIRED!
And after massaging my legs, ass, back, neck, thighs...
I feel like I've been working out for 5 hours straight.

Per told me, NO BODY PUMP today!
(I have to wait until thursday evening)
So the only thing I'm gonna focus on today is jogging instead.
Now I have the time to jog with Joel in the park,
so we can use the application on my phone together maybe...?

Now it's laundry time and I'm going to sleep meanwhile....
I LOVE POWERNAPS!

Yeah who else is going to be it??
I have to. Even if I need a handyman living with me.
I guess I have to force some dudes helping me after I moved.
So I can sit there and stare like an old pervert lady....
"A little bit to the left, nooo a bit to the right"
HAHAHAHA... No, now I'm doing the work myself.



Like I said yesterday "The Traveler" went BLACK.
So, from this to completely... This....



I also finished the "table" for the flowers.
From a wooden boring IKEA look, to a golden look.
Better then the boring wood anyway....



Jimmy boy is up on the wall as well... In my <3



I also wanted to do something about Annicas painting that I gave to her.
She said that she didn't want me to do anything, but I was not satisfied.
It was not good enough and I wanted to do it more "Leeish".
So now it have more decoration on it, more shadows and more blaha blaha as I call it.



I found this boring wooden Ikea shelf, second hand on Emmaus....
So I decided to do something with it.
So, from boring and wooden....



to BLACK!
It have been a "Black" week, but black always works....
And if I'm bored, I can just re-paint it! :)



Now it's time for some CSI and then BED TIME.
Or should I say SOFA time? Yes, I sleep in the sofa when the wife isn't home...
God, sometimes I wish I could cuddle with someone in the bed...

I fell a sleep in Fluffs knee the other day when he played with my hair.
Which someone haven't done in a loooooooooooooooong time.
Therefore I slept within 5 min.
That was so nice, I just wish he could stay in Sweden a bit longer.......
I never thought that I could be friend with him like I am today.

Sleep tight friends. Love to you all!

For the last couple of days I've thought alot about being there for other people that want help.
For whole my life I've tried to help people who haven't understood
they needed help or haven't been able at that moment to accept help.
I'm tired to be a "waste",

So now I've stopped helping people and waste my energy on something
that someone throws away 5 seconds later.
People can listen, but they may not be able to hear.
People can be able to see, but they may not be able to open their eyes.

For whole my life I also had alot of love and compassion for others.
Sometimes too much and never got anything in return.
I've never priored myself.
I know that you should never expect something from others,
but sometimes it would be nice to have someone else to feel compassionate and love you back.
But many people have their ego higher then they know!
Been there, done that myself.

Today I love and prior myself instead.
I'm a helping hand too, but for those who come to me instead.
The only thing I can offer is my experience, advice, my words and suggestions.
And to be a good listener and talker for those who wants it.

The result is actually amazing,
and I've also finally understood what Pete ment by helping others.
Even if I don't donate money to anyone (they should donate to me instead haha),
I'm still a helping hand for those people who understand one thing and another.
It's not about money, it's more about compassion and love.
I want nothing in return except from a smile.

I also see this as a little "project" of mine, to learn and get more knowledge myself.
It's the "Mother instinct" I guess.
Many people who are not that close to me, have come to me lately for help.
Or no, I should not call it help actually.
Be surrounded by someone they can be relaxed with, feel calm and no pressure.

And the person they contact is ME, Lee! Moi!
I am so honored about this, I will keep them close but on a distance.
I am very happy and I will do my best to help this people to get back on track.
To find their balance and peace.

I am in balance today, but just weeks ago I wasn't.
It's really up and down, but I'm moving forward every day
And I have no idea what I would do without the Yoga....
I have to start to do more meditation though, my mind is still messy.
But it's hard.... I sometimes go nuuuuts!


(Photo taken on Agama Yoga school in Thailand)

The Yoga is my fire, that is my life, that is what I want to do.
I could do that for the rest of my life,
and I really want to become a teacher and have my own place in the future.
I don't want ANYTHING else in this world then that and kids.
YOGA KIDDOS!

But I need a little guide myself from time to time,
just like those people who have me sometimes.
To get advice, wise words, suggestions or just a guide to the RIGHT WAY.
They who respect me, I will respect.

But I need someone higher up, to look up to.
There are so many different levels and aspects about this so I could write a book.
But the only thing you need is love.

I have one guide. Or actually now I have two.
One of them knows it, even if he doesn't live in the same country as I do.
But the other one doesn't know it, but I listen very carefully to what he have to say.
There is no one else that I've met lately, and within such a short time
that have influenced me so much to kick my own ass again.
And he doesn't even have to do anything.
He is just there, and that's it.

He was the thing I needed like Annica told me, when I was on my way to hit the wall again.
I am so thankful that I had the chance to meet this guy.
Even a helper to others needs help sometimes!

Now it's time to cook some dinner... and maybe go for a walk?
Tomorrow is a long day so I need to go to bed early today :)
(And I'm facebook free, so I guess I will write alot in my blog instead haha)

T.T.Y.L :)

I hate waiting for paint to dry.
Just sitting and staring at it and letting it dryyyyy....
And then paint another layer, and letting it dry and dry and dry.
I decided to make something about some paitings I have that I am not too happy about.
So I took "the traveler" and erased him.
So now the whole painting is totally BLACK, and I'm gonna do something else instead.
It's better that way, because I thought about it and I don't really want
that picture on my wall when I move to something new.
I also (finally) took the yellow towel and putted it in the trashcan, for good!



The whole day I've spendt inside in the livingroom and alot in front of the computer.
From the sofa in the morning, to the floor, to the table, to the sofa, to the floor and so on.
I'm so restless but in the same time I have nothing to do....?
I wanted to go out for a walk or go jogging, but now it's too late and I'm pretty "BLAH".

I also decided to be "FACEBOOK FREE" for 3 days.
I'm addicted. It's my drug. It's nuts.
The only thing I can do online is blog and check my e-mail.
I guess how much time I save on that???
ALOT is my guess.....

More workout and more creativity.
Ludvig is on his way over with sushi and we are going to watch a movie,
then it's time for Lee Lee to go to bed.
Early morning tomorrow, it's Yoga like always! :D

On tuesday it's time for massage. Oh, I'm looking forward to it ALOT!
It have been ages .... (Thailand) since I had massage.
GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME

Who does NOT want a HASH OWL with goggles and hat in their window?
Well, one thing is for sure.... I WANT ONE!
He is my new idol. This is a cool dude!!! :D



A party at Joel and his friends yesterday.
Very interesting people and enviroment. I liked it alot.
Specially the music that all the people suddenly started playing.
Drums, bongos and yeah you name it :)
Maybe not easy to see, my camera on my phone sucks!
Alot of people, so I did not know myself anymore....
So I left at 01.00 am.

One thing is for sure....
Me and Millie entertained ourselves very much.
We got alot of company from Anton (aka Tingsek)
We found small animals around the whole apartment,
and we did decorate the apartment with some more animals as well.
And I WAS SOBER, but sometimes it's nice to have a mind like a 9 y.o. :)
Like having a COW in the lamp!





Or having a lion on the bonsai-tree.



Or having "babies" with some fruit?



Or having a giraffe trying to reach to the plant and eat?



Why not having SPIDERMAN riding a elephant?



Or a bike and a horse, being a INGENJÖR?

And this is what I finally finish after couple of lazy days.
My table is now sanded, painted and varnished in gold :)
Just like a new table for my plants, weehooo!!
(This is just 2 of the legs)

Waking up in the sofa an early sunday morning.
I zapp the channels and I find the programme "Extreme Fishing" with Robson Green.
I recognize the country right away....
- Thailand!

He caught the biggest Stingray on 225 kilos in a river in Thailand.
The thought hitted me. So many weird and big fishes I've missed or had no idea of
that may have been under me, during sailing or just being on the water.
Creatures I've never would have expected living on this planet.

How it would have looked like if I met him now.

Couple of years ago I met a man....
This is the only real MAN I've met... in a looooong time!
Confident, handsome and he had a strong and smart mind.
But he was too good to be true for me.
And yes he was, I was out of his league, THEN.

But everything that he said to me THEN, I understand NOW.
And I feel so stupid NOW, when I finally understand everything that he said.
When I built up myself again, I look back and I see the cracks I had, just as he did.

But it wasn't ment to be, and we both knew it even if we tried.
We were soooooo different.
Not my type of guy normally, but he had something.
While I was just a lost soul who were drinking too much.

He was only there to guide me. :) Guide me back on the right path again...
And he made me wake up for a while and think.
I was just on my way up then, and on my way on a life long journey!

I am glad that I met this guy and I wonder how he is.
We live in the same town, but I haven't seen him for almost 2 years now this autum.
I think about him often actually, and "what if I bump into him" thoughts...
I want to see him and only say an innocent HELLO.
Nothing more.

It was one of the most intensed and active month I've had for years.
My friends called me and they didn't know where I was.
(And that, my friends - have never happend before)
But that month I will remember for a long time, even if it didn't last longer then that.
He came into my life, were a very good teacher (in everything haha).
Said some good words to me and he left.

Or at least, that's what it felt like...
I know that he is happy now, he got what he wanted out of me as well.
But if I could see his face one more time, this would just make my day.

He took my breath away...
A complete stranger.

And IF IF IF you read this, you know who you are MR K!

During the Yoga this morning Daniel said many good words that made me think for a bit.
First of all he said that we are mirrors.
Others reflect ourselves, and the oposite.
And that is correct, that I allready knew.

But the way he said it made it so much more clear for me, I really understood it when he said it.
I now understand why some people can find it hard to be around me the same way as before.
Because they feel bad about themselves.
And I can find it hard to be around them as well.

And then there are some people who are still there and are happy,
even maybe have done a change themselves recently -
- These are the BEAUTIFUL people! he said.
I am one of them myself. This is the people with a good character!

Well... to the thing I want to talk about.....
He wanted us to stop thinking about the feeling and FEEL the feeling instead.
Don't think and force, let it go. Surrender!
How do YOU feel?
Well, in that moment I felt like a little child.
Totally open and vulnerable.

I went back to my childhood, and I was in that state during almost the whole class.
I realized that I haven't been myself (for real) for many years.
Sometimes it's hard for me to go back to who I once was,
because I don't really know how to act.
Because that act was in my past and not in my present.
But now it's back and it's now time to deal with everything.

This can be a bit hard to explain if you don't really know what I'm talking about.
Of course I've always been myself, but not deep within.
Now I feel the feelings like a little kid does.
I am present like I've never been before, but I go back in time.

This makes me so happy.
Happy as a little child.
During the relaxation today, Daniel started to play some piano music.
That gives me the double effect, somehow piano music makes me really sensitive.

So, the result was that I started to cry (but very discrete).
For many many years I "hated" piano music, but I realized it was because I was afraid.
I was afraid to get vulnerable and open.
But the reason why I cried was because I was happy.
I was happy that I've found my way back to LIFE & LOVE.

And also going back MANY MANY years to deal with
those things I weren't able to deal with myself in that age.
So, I do my own therapy today.

And I had to hug Miche for a long time after the class.
That felt good. I love hugs. Real hugs.
He laughed a bit because I don't think he knew
how to handle me when I asked for a big hug.... Haha.

AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT IF YOU GUYS KNOW ME,
YOU WOULD NEVER THINK OF ME AS A SHY GIRL, RIGHT?

BUT HERE IS THE TRUTH... I AM SHY, AND MORE SHY THAT YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.
Why do you think I've been drinking so much before....?
It's an easy way out! But hey, news flash - LIFE AIN'T EASY!!!
It's not something I like myself, but now you know that I am not a bitch,
I am just laying low because I am shy!

This is it for me at the moment!
Peace out

Yesterday I went from a "BLOND/BRUNETTISH" to a DARK BRUNETTE.
Again.
We'll see how long the color last this time.
And I cut my bang/fringe again as well. I couldn't wait any longer.
I like bangs too much... On myself anyway ;)
And since it's autum in Sweden now,
my blond hair doesn't match as much as being a brunette does! ;)



And since it's autum time, it's more TEA TIME!
And if it's tea time, I bought 6 new cups on my job - Lagerhaus!
Sale of course, and aren't they cute??



A nice lunch with BAKED POTATOE! :D
And a really nice autum day in the sun with my beautiful friend My.



And my yummy breakfast :D

It's also time for me to go back to school.
I decided .. or well, not really really yet but I will go to
INFOTEKET tomorrow and look what they have, for me!
But I know what I want to do, and I want to start now and it's time NOW!
But I don't know where to start, cuz I want to do alot of stuff...
I just have to think smart...
But my only problem like always is money,
so I guess I have to take a "study-loan" for this study to survive....?
I will make it and I will make it big time. I'm on fire!

I will update more tomorrow. And a trip to San Francisco is also in my plans.
For a week, sale on tickets. Well well... Time for bed. Update tomorrow.

C YAAAAA... Love peace and some more love

"Your thoughts create your reality."

- Yeah, but how? You may ask.

That's why I want you to watch the video below.

It gives you a very cool scientific approach

(quantum physics that is!) to explaining the power of thought.

Find out how the mind can influence the behavior of subatomic particles

and physical matter and let me know what your comments are.

I won't mention any names in this blog post.
But couple of days ago when I went to bed something weird happend.
Or maybe it was just in my head? Maybe I'm going KO-KO?
(sometimes I think I'm crazy)

I was in the state of not sleeping, but not being awake.
Is this what we call LUCID DREAMING?
My mind flew away somewhere else....

In that state of mind, I felt someone touching my legs very sensual.
I also reminded myself that this was not for real, but it felt so real.
So I choosed not to wake up because I liked it.
I also knew who the man was, and he laid next to my feets.
Even the hair on my body raised and the touch were with alot of love.
And then the hands walked the way up my ass and around to my stomache.

And the touch on my stomache felt so real.
I stoped and I told myself: Wait, hold on a minute here...
What the heck is going on? This can't be real.
And in exactly that second I get a text from this person, who in my dream touched me.
And if you knew what the text said, it would be even more spooky.
But I can't....

Can someone explain this?
Was this just a coinsedence?
Or was there someone in the room with me?
Or just on my mind, or was I on his mind? Or both?

It was just a too weird situation...

And one more thing: Pete A. I can't find the book "School of Gods".
Do you know how to get it? It's hard to get here.....

Over and out everyone

The only thing I have to say is that even how short time we spendt on the crayfish party,
I enjoyed it to the full.... And I am very glad that  Micke invited me.
So FINALLY we could spend some time together!

And how cute isn't it to take a warm fjäll räven sweather with him.
For me, just in case I was cold and started to freeze?
Thank you very much Micke. The sweather was soooo needed!!
You're a good man!



The 2 chefs are making GUACAMOLE á la Swedish style!
Me and Micke!



And I have to thank Jacob for some nice pictures.
I love the hipstamatic style of pictures from the Iphone.
It's so old school style, and the picures look so more beutiful in a way....
This is me and Tommy. Eating some crayfishes while he is eating burgers :P

I do feel fine outside where it's more nature and more green.
And even if it's wasn't far away from Malmö, this was the perfect night!
And the cold frozen crayfished made my fingers red from the cold hahaha...



Prepairing!



Sweet.



Jacob played guitar and were singing in front of the fire!



Even the dogs wanted some heat from the fire :)
Lee the taliban! Hahaha...

Thanx for a great night everyone!!!!

Now when I'm finally going to start asap with my drivers license,
the only thing I was hoping for is now gone.
I will never be able to test drive the car because it's sold.
Well, it's a long time ago now, but I am still a bit upset because I loved it.
It was my daddys car....

But then I hope to go test driving another beauty like this.
Or maybe even better....?

This is it a saturday night.... I had a great crayfish party tonight!
Good night and sleep well.

Tomorrow I'm gonna see my little Jan banan.
Then I'm going to cook. I have an urge for broccoli pie! :)

That is the danish word for my new shoes I wear at home.
Or at least the name on them when I bought them today.

It's an awesome idea this shoe :)
If I wear "indoor shoes" at home (because of my cold feets)
so why not wear this smart shoes and clean the floor at the same time?
The one who made this may have got the inspiration from Pippi Longstocking!?
So now I walk around and sweaping and sliding my way forward on the floor.
And I feel like Pippi Longstocking as well.... (and always have been)
It's so much fun, and I don't have to clean the floors with a mop!
Weeehooooo



Now I have a carpenter inside of the apartment.
He is fixing stuff in the kitchen. Sweet.
And I have to go out and buy crayfish for tonight's crayfish party :)

LATER DUDES!

This will be in Swedish today....
You can google translate it if you want to.
I'm lazy today ;)

---

Idag var det dags att göra syntest.
Jag drunknade dock i snubbens ögon som hjälpte mig.
Jävlar vilka fina ögon, vi kunde inte släppa blicken.
Fina och blå, precis som mina! :)

Jag kan bli sjukt svag för ögon, det är min svaga punkt.
Jag kan falla direkt. (Men jag gjorde det inte iaf haha)
Man connectar ju på en helt annan nivå igenom att titta varandra i ögonen också.
Men hur länge kan du hålla din blick egentligen?
Jag brukar testa folk på den, många blir så nervösa.
Och det kan även jag bli. Speciellt om det är en vacker man! :)
Jag kan nästan bli fnittrig som en liten flicka om jag håller blicken för länge.

Men han fick mig dock till att köpa ett par glasögon av honom.
Han tog exakt dom brillorna som jag själv tittade på, hade han inte tagit dom så hade jag skitit i det.
Men det var nog meningen till att jag skulle ha dom då tror jag :)
Jag har gått lång tid med synfel och behövt glasögon så där utav har jag även fått brytningsfel.
Vi har då funnit svaret varför jag har huvudvärk och migrän ofta.
Så nu blev det att köpa glasögon på samma gång som syntestet
och fick ett par solglasögon med styrka i på köpet.

Blev ju avbetalning på detta dyra köp med tanke på att jag inte har pengar.
Det är mycket nu, men en sak i taget.
Försöker att bearbeta mig själv som fan nu och ta tag i allt gammalt som ligger och gror.
Träningen, Meditationen, Yogan och mitt nyktra tillstånd hjälper sjukligt mycket.
Det känns som om jag inte gör så mycket med tanke på att jag
inte har något jobb men samtidigt så har jag riktigt mycket att göra varje dag, med mig själv.
Varje dag är en utmaning och mitt humör går verkligen upp och ner även om jag är lycklig.
Fast sen har jag ju haft mens och varit ur balans senaste veckan, så det kanske är det?

Men att skriva tex. det hjälper mig fruktansvärt.
Sjunga också. Min röst börjar komma tillbaka, inte alls lika krasslig som förr.
Kanske tom kan få tillbaka min ordentliga sångröst? Who knows?


En annan sak som kom till min tanke igår var ju när
jag blev vän med min Yoga lärare Daniel på facebook.
Så fort jag såg hans bild (som är gammal, för det är inte så han ser ut idag)
så satt jag bara och stirra med öppen mun.
Utseendet är så likt, det är precis som en kopia.
Det har jag iofs sagt förr, men det var som att titta på honom igen.
Men en helt annan människa. Jag blev rätt förvirrad.
Och skulle det vara så att du skulle läsa detta så hoppas jag på att
det inte gör något att jag tog din bild för att visa andra.

En annan sak som jag har tänkt mycket på de senaste dagarna är att jag fortfarande sörjer.
Ja, hur hårt det än är och hur lång tid det än har gått så finns han där.
Inte alltid och ofta men när jag sitter hemma själv så dyker han upp då och då.
Jag försöker gå vidare och ja, jag måste säga att jag mår så fruktansvärt bra utan honom i mitt liv.
Och jag har träffat underbara människor sista tiden som verkligen har fått mig att må bra.
Människor som jag VET om att jag behöver.
Men djupt inuti mig så finns han, bearbetningen är jobbig pga
allt som hände och hur allt avslutades och jag har nog aldrig mått sämre (eller bättre) i mitt liv.
Så det är och har varit sjukligt svårt att släppa efter så pass lång tid.

Jag går sakta men säkert framåt och nu lägger jag all fokus på mig själv och mina mål.
Visst har dom legat där hela tiden, men ibland behöver man bara en break.
Som jag har sagt förr, den gamla Lee är död. En ny blomma kommer snart att blomma ut.
Men jag är inte ens halv vägs, men den dagen kommer.
Jag har ingen stress, bara lite dåligt tålamod.
Jag har hela livet på mig!





This is the goofball.... Lee Lee....
Look at my new leggings ;)

Like Bob Marley were singing...

Drinking my new tea (suggestion from Joel - tea made from the bark on the Lapacho tree)
Good for the respiratory(?) and the wellbeing.
Eating my breakfast as I do every day.
Yoghurt, banana and my müsli mix with alot of gojis :)
And I stand up at the breakfast table (good that we have a tall table)

I sit down way too much and that I've noticed in my hips and legs during the Yoga.
My hips are sooo stiff and my thighs and legs too.
But I allready notice a difference and that's nice and my walk is more straight again.

Today started at 06.00.
Tired as always but after 30 min, I was shining!
The Yoga was so NICE today and I am full of energy again.
And then the sun is shining and the weaher is sweet and the music gives me a very good flow.
I just want to dance dance dance. (Like a little kitty cat :))

It's now time for some pictures :)



I will now give you this picture of me and my dear friend My!
See how bad I want to have a baby? HAHAHA...
Ain't working. NO ES POSSIBLE like they say in spanish.




Sweet dear and crazy little Ludvig!



Birthday child Dollan (in the background)
Then we have me and Anna :)



Joel gives alot of love to Elliot :)



The best. Kärlek = Love in Swedish!

Over and out buddies...

Om Shanti