To be a helping hand....

For the last couple of days I've thought alot about being there for other people that want help.
For whole my life I've tried to help people who haven't understood
they needed help or haven't been able at that moment to accept help.
I'm tired to be a "waste",

So now I've stopped helping people and waste my energy on something
that someone throws away 5 seconds later.
People can listen, but they may not be able to hear.
People can be able to see, but they may not be able to open their eyes.

For whole my life I also had alot of love and compassion for others.
Sometimes too much and never got anything in return.
I've never priored myself.
I know that you should never expect something from others,
but sometimes it would be nice to have someone else to feel compassionate and love you back.
But many people have their ego higher then they know!
Been there, done that myself.

Today I love and prior myself instead.
I'm a helping hand too, but for those who come to me instead.
The only thing I can offer is my experience, advice, my words and suggestions.
And to be a good listener and talker for those who wants it.

The result is actually amazing,
and I've also finally understood what Pete ment by helping others.
Even if I don't donate money to anyone (they should donate to me instead haha),
I'm still a helping hand for those people who understand one thing and another.
It's not about money, it's more about compassion and love.
I want nothing in return except from a smile.

I also see this as a little "project" of mine, to learn and get more knowledge myself.
It's the "Mother instinct" I guess.
Many people who are not that close to me, have come to me lately for help.
Or no, I should not call it help actually.
Be surrounded by someone they can be relaxed with, feel calm and no pressure.

And the person they contact is ME, Lee! Moi!
I am so honored about this, I will keep them close but on a distance.
I am very happy and I will do my best to help this people to get back on track.
To find their balance and peace.

I am in balance today, but just weeks ago I wasn't.
It's really up and down, but I'm moving forward every day
And I have no idea what I would do without the Yoga....
I have to start to do more meditation though, my mind is still messy.
But it's hard.... I sometimes go nuuuuts!

(Photo taken on Agama Yoga school in Thailand)

The Yoga is my fire, that is my life, that is what I want to do.
I could do that for the rest of my life,
and I really want to become a teacher and have my own place in the future.
I don't want ANYTHING else in this world then that and kids.

But I need a little guide myself from time to time,
just like those people who have me sometimes.
To get advice, wise words, suggestions or just a guide to the RIGHT WAY.
They who respect me, I will respect.

But I need someone higher up, to look up to.
There are so many different levels and aspects about this so I could write a book.
But the only thing you need is love.

I have one guide. Or actually now I have two.
One of them knows it, even if he doesn't live in the same country as I do.
But the other one doesn't know it, but I listen very carefully to what he have to say.
There is no one else that I've met lately, and within such a short time
that have influenced me so much to kick my own ass again.
And he doesn't even have to do anything.
He is just there, and that's it.

He was the thing I needed like Annica told me, when I was on my way to hit the wall again.
I am so thankful that I had the chance to meet this guy.
Even a helper to others needs help sometimes!

Now it's time to cook some dinner... and maybe go for a walk?
Tomorrow is a long day so I need to go to bed early today :)
(And I'm facebook free, so I guess I will write alot in my blog instead haha)

T.T.Y.L :)


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