Update....
Hello there...
Takes a while every time I'm gonna update. I know. Sorry guys.
I just have way too much in my head.
Or.... there is too much stuff happening around me.
And on this island.
There is so much stuff that you can do here.
So... Lately...
I've done the Tantra 1 course workshop. It's been amazing.
Finished today.
And I learned a lot how to seperate svadistanic feelings / sex with anahatha love.
It's hard to separate. It's good when you are having a relationship to know this.
Now I analyze it first and I have more control over my feelings.
I think that was the only thing I needed to have. Control.
I connected on a deeper level with people lately.
Since we finished the TTC, I haven't been an angel as I was DURING the TTC.
But, I know that I need to act like this once in a while to have a BALANCE to my life.
It's a side I don't always show, but when the tiger is out of the cage, you can't stop her.
HAHAHA...
I analyze myself and the life I am living. I know right and wrong at least.
And I am AWARE of everything I do and everyone I meet.
Sometimes I get upset, sometimes I get sad and sometimes I get happy.
Work with it. It's LIFE. I love it.
For the last couple of days, it's been really weird.
Annica and Patric arrived from Sweden.
Which was really weird cuz I haven't had any friends here visiting
or talked Swedish for a WHILE, when I've been here...
The day after they arrive, we drive up to Seagarden
and all of a sudden someone dressed up covered in a sarong over the head as a muslim,
with a mobile phone in my face (with the light), recording me.
I freak out, felt really uncomfortable after a while, since she didn't say a word.
As I turn around, she reveal herself... And I'm in shock... for hours.
We both started crying. And we have it on tape.
That was the best gift I've got in a really really really long time.
And the best feeling I had in a long time too.
That's love :)
Yesterday it was fullmoon.
I experienced my first fullmoon party together with Annica, Annica and Patric yesterday.
Their night ended pretty early (or late night).
I was going ALL IN, so I continued, ALONE.
And... For me... it ended when the last bar closed and turned off the music.
Like ... 10.00 AM. Went to bed at 12.00.
People asked me if I was on drugs. HELL NO!
I had couple of beers that some guys brought me, but more then that - No!
Craziest thing was that I could continue.
I had so much energy the whole day.
It was something that I think you should experience in life.
It was fun. A lot of fun. But also very sad. But fun.
And very hot guys. So I was super happy. Hahahaha....
I guess it's in Haad Rin and Baan Tai that they are all hiding.
Damn it.
Need to go there more often.
But I'm tired now. Really tired. It's time for bed now.
I will update later, another time.
LOVE
How we all are connected....
Do you wonder sometimes why you meet certain people?
And what's the purpose of meeting these people?
There is something to learn or to be learned from every single person you meet.
Maybe without knowing it.
I appriciate everyone I meet along the way.
In bad and in good. Mostly good.
I'm one of those who thinks that everything happens for a reason.
It takes a lot for me to cry to say goodbye and IF I do, you've touched my heart.
I do work on detachment a lot, which is great for me.
But I didn't say it is easy.
I learn, I experience and I respect.
Yesterday I hung out with Jesse practically the whole day.
Jesse reminds me of my friends at home.
A total goofball, I can totally go retarded with and talk about anything.
I love this guy, he is so natural to me.
Nothing to hide, easy and outgoing.
Just the people that I like.
Hate drama and guys that treats girls differently.
Definitely one of the persons I would LOVE to see again.
And I HOPE HOPE HOPE that it's going to be a happy ending
of the story between him and Jenny Heartsong. <3
Well, anyway....
Jesse told me today that he thinks that he is related to Kilmeny.
Kilmeny is Jodies friend and she is here with her daughter Vivianne to visit Jodie.
And Jodie is my friend.
She is one of those I connected with first during the TTC.
She is 45 years young woman, and has 2 kids and is a psychotherapist.
She reminds me so much of my ex Niklas (but he's a man)
Who are the same age, has 2 kids and kind of had the same job (almost).
Same life but a different gender.
And Jodies friends son Nicholas (Nick) has the same name as my ex.
Which is a bit weird too. Also a person that I had a good connection with at first.
Thanks to Jodie. I love that woman, that's for sure! :)
Jodie showed me videos on Youtube yesterday from Idaho.
Her friends son on skies.
I had one sentence after the video. "I NEED TO GO TO THE STATES".
And then we laughed and looked at each other hahahaha.
It's definitely something/someone calling my name over there...
It might sound cheezy or what ever, but I've always had something for Americans.
Somehow, the persons I find the most interesting is the Americans.
Guys are hot and ... weird.
I don't really care about the men right now, cuz I'm not looking after a relationship.
I'm one of those who think that it will come to me at the right time.
And when it's the right time, who knows?
I might have to wait a lifetime.
But I don't care. I'm not desperate. At all.
It's just stealing my energy at the moment.
Makes me really tired. ZzzzzZZzzzzz
But... I do have a good connection with most of the Americans anyway.
Maybe I've been an American in a previous life.... maybe...?
I love meeting older people, just to listen to their stories.
Most of them (mostly old men) tell me that I could be a northern Californian girl.
I've never been in Cali, but I could be one, that's for sure.
So, how are we connected then?
Well, you don't know. You just know inside of you.
Well, you don't know. You just know inside of you.
It's a feeling. I trust my feelings even though they change.
Most of the time, I'm ALWAYS right :)
Time for me to hit the beach :)
I promise you, I won't bite you so please don't be afraid of me.
Smell u later
So... what's up lately....
So, this is the view I have from my porch / bed....
I have just tried to be.
Enjoy, relax and try to figure out my coming month.
It's going to be hard to leave this house that I am at right now.
This is so far the BEST place I lived on since I've got here.
I could survive like forever in this house.
I'm ready to move in, like now.
For real. And never return.
So, next month is going to be hard.
I'm not just leaving the island,
I'm leaving our community of Yogis on the island.
And to go over to Koh Samui for almost A MONTH.
It's going to be hard. And a different life. Again.
But I sure will come back here and I'm gonna try to rent my house in june again.
I am seriously in LOVE with this place.
Watching the sunset on the beach from your bedroom / porch is not bad.
Not bad at all.
You understand now why I don't want to leave?
Today it's raining and I don't want to leave my house for anything.
It feels good to be inside and relax today.
I'm not missing out or anything anyway.
And just chill the F out.
Read, listen to some music, make something to munch on, dance a bit...
It's a creative day today.
Internet is kind of not working so I'm kind of organising my stuff.
Making lists and shit.
Meditate. (I did Yoga allready, this morning)
I tried out Childrens Yoga with Jodie today.
I loved it. That's deffinitely a big passion for me that I've never done before.
One of the things I see myself doing in the future.
I also did Sun Salutations on the platform this morning.
On Bovy Beach, where I live, there is a platform for Yoga.
Right on the beach.
It's most of the times empty,
but there are mostly longtermers that lives here, and mostly Yogis.
So it's a calm and nice ares on the beach.
Good vibes and I'm inbetween a nudist beach or a regular beach.
So you can choose what you like that day.
I don't have to go by bike to a beach, it's right out front.
And the little restaurant in the corner of the montain on Bovy,
"Golden Rock" is the place where it says you can buy "HAPPY SHAKE"
and "HAPPY SMOKE" on the wall... (If you are interested in doing that)
Around the cliff is the "Pirate bar",
where they once a week or two weeks have a party on the beach.
It's a club/bar outside on a "beach/cliffs.
A house / trance kind of bar. Where they sell laughing gas in the bar.
The place has beautiful sunsets and the sea is shallow but very nice just to lay floathing.
Oh yeah, and I've been on Koh Tao.
Did some diving there with my friend Peter from Boston,
that I met in Mexico 2009.
It was pretty awesome to meet again!
Time to be an adult and do some adult stuff...
Hasta Luego mi amigos
/ Cookie monster!
Detachment...
I have so many mixed feelings.
In general I am super happy and every day is going better and better for me.
But I still need to work on my manipura.
There are a lot of inpurities and I noticed lately.
I don't know why, but it's just feelings.
Feelings which I don't like.
I just have to accept them and let them go I guess,
but I don't want to somehow.
It's easy during traveling to work on this in general.
To be detached I mean...
Specially when you meet awesome people and you might never see them ever again.
That's the worst part of traveling.
A part of me telling me:
- No stay away from me... I don't like goodbyes.
Actually I hate goodbyes.
But at the same time the other part says:
- Hi, how you doing, want to do something fun?
I'm trying my best to live in the moment and NOW and enjoy everything.
And I DO. I SURE DO.
But...
I also need to prepare for separate from all the amazing people I meet along the way.
So far, I've met ... ooh boy, so kind and loving people.
This island is full of love and hippies.
I'm... confused ... I need to sublime my energy.
I think that the detox is doing a lot as well today with my energies...
And I can get really annoyed by things that have to do with MEN and WOMEN.
Games, rules, how to do this and that...
I hate it. Why can't everybody just be honest and say what they want or don't want?
I'm looking forward to the Tantra workshop.
Maybe I will learn something about men that I didn't know before....??
And I live with a man, and have 3 other crazy maniacs always in my home.
Always been lonely girl with a bunch of dudes, which I prefer.
Do my BROS at home count?
Why do men always see women so differently?
Shit... I don't play games, I fucking hate it.
OVER AND OUT!
SUPER energy
Today I had a nice feeling.
The feeling of greatfulness and happiness.
I was driving the motorbike to Thong Sala (town) and I asked myself....
WHY haven't I've been riding a motorbike before?
I totally LOVE it.
Feeling the wind blowing in my hair,
and the warm breeze on my skin...
And once in a while you feel a cold breeze for a very
short moment coming from the beach side.
Gas a little bit more, and go a little faster and just breath.
The feeling of being free and happy.
I am so happy to be here and I am so happy I finished the Yoga Teacher Training
and I'm doing a Detox. I think the Detox is helping me A LOT to feel much better.
I am on day 5 now and I am FULL of energy.
It feels like I'm on speed or something because I can't sit still....
I think I am going to do some more shopping while I have the energy
and then cool down for a bit before going for massage, sauna and yoga....
Hopefully, that will cool me down a bit! :D
I'm in LOVE with myself and.... driving... wooooooohoooooo!!
