Being Gods weird child

People say I’m weird here.

“She is weird but she has a very big heart.”

I hear it more and more often.

And in weird most of them mean a “good weird”.

Something they would like to find out more about.

There is something mystical they say.

Something they are interested in, but it kind of scares them at the same time.

Scared of the unknown change that might take place.

Might or might not.

And I feel this too, way too many times.

But I take risks. All the time.


I know this position.

I have been in their shoes.

I found people like this earlier in my life, couple of years ago.

People I looked up to at as my guides,

my Gurus, my inspiration and my motivation.

Those who I could talk to about my weirdness.

Those who listened to me, who believed in me.

I still find these people, but not as many as I did before.

I guess I am too selective the older I get.

And I am just not satisfied with "avarage" anymore.

I take a little knowledge from everyone I meet and I make my own path.

Life is a lesson.


They are there in your life for a reason.

And so am I.


 It took me a while but I got myself into that position.

With just human interactions, self help and a lot of spiritual work.

But it’s a big progress and it’s not easy.

It takes time, determination and practice.

Mostly self respect and honesty.

And you can never be fully learned or have enough of

knowledge because it’s a never ending story.

It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done.


To change.

To be willing to change.

To love myself so I would be able to love others.

Even I loose myself from time to time.

Then I just need to stop…. and breath.

Even if I can get crazy from time to time, it’s not in a bad way.

Or not my intention anyway.

I am still human like the rest of you.

What people doesn’t understand is that we are all the same.

We all have this “weird” knowledge inside of us.

You might just not know how to be able to get it out of you.

Because some of us are just not “there” yet.

Or it's the "unknown" that scares us.

Most of the time it’s because we have monkey minds.

And we like to listen to that monkey mind more than ourselves (spirits),

our hearts or our bodies.


"Drunken monkey swinging from branch to branch".

That's where we are. And the only thing we need to do is to calm the mind.

And HOW easy is that?? 


Yes, meditate... Not the easiest.


I will call this spirituality.

You can call it what ever you want.

I had it inside of me since I was a child.

We all do. But some have it more visable than others.

I was a child that belongs to the world according to mediums,

clairvoyants and other spiritual beings...

And I really believe so.

My heart is located at so many places in the world.


Some people have a stronger ability to do/see certain things.

I never believed in that bullshit up to the age of 20+ something….

My mother always bothered me in my teenage years.

But everyone believed she was crazy (and so did I) and I told her to cool down with the witchcrafts.

But deep within I knew there was something bigger out there.

Something bigger than my Mum was talking about

Walking a spiritual path is very hard when it comes down to family.

My Guru always says; Once you think that you are enlightened, go be with your family.

And you will see how enlightened you are.



I have never been able to take on the information my mother gave me.

She introduced me to certain things, but I walked my own path of discovery.

I can listen, but she is not one of my guides.

Therefore, I would most of the time never do it her way.

But I know for sure that I have been my Mothers idol for a while.

We change positions.

And I will always love her to death, no matter what.

Because at the age of 30 I realized that she is a "mum" after all...

And the only thing she needs is what everyone else needs too:



I knew that I had a purpose on this planet.

I knew what I felt and it was a though road,

but a road that I will be satisfied with in the end.

I still don’t know where I’m going to end up, I let Universe guide me.

But I know my purpose.

Slowly slowly, I became more connected to planet earth.

Questions I had for many years, I found answers to.

I feel. I hear. I understand.

But sometimes I get blind and sidetracked.

Walking a spiritual path, has many ups and downs.

It’s a karmic circle and we come back so certain things for a deeper understanding.

For the time to heal, let go and never stop loving no matter what.


Shallowness is irrelevant for me.

Connection is bigger.

Helping is stronger.

Being there for someone is what I am here for.

This is what I am here for.

I get it now. And I gain so much from it.

But it also hurts.

I think we call it Love.

There are so many different ways to love,

and doing it unconditionally is what I am aiming for.

But it's so hard.


It doesn’t matter if you smack me in the face after I have helped you up,

because I will always come in peace.

And if you decide to hate me after I have helped you, I will love you even more.

(Yes, I will be upset for a little while in the lack of respect)

I am human too, and I also have feelings.

But once you have helped them, you are finished.

It’s time to move on. And here is the hardest part:



But I also understand now that some people are not where I am today.

Some people are where I used to be in life.

I sound like I’m very old, but I’m not. (30 years old)

And some of the people I help, can sometimes be double my age.

I’m practically still a child when it comes to this path.

But I have it naturally inside of me, and it’s easy for me to connect to it.

It. I will call it energies. A tuning. A hum. Vibrations. A connection.

And the more I work on it, the more I connect.


But the more I get sad too.

The problem is the feelings of others.

Being an empath makes me sad many times.

Because I realize that the only thing we have in the end is Love.

My love right now is Unconditional.

My heart burst open that I don’t know what to do.

I try to hide it, to be normal.

But it’s hard for me.

I fall in love in everyone I meet a little bit.

It’s pure bliss but people cannot take this.


So I close.

But I still feel strongly.


And when you have a strong connection it’s even harder.

Every time.

But I learn from it every time, I have to let go.

My mission here on earth is healing.

I’m a helper, I’m a giver.

This is something I have to live with.

Being hurt is a part of the process.

I accept it even if I don’t like it.


But today I am being able to look at myself from a different perspective,

a different past, and I can see clearly how my path has changed.

And how it is changing all the time.

Where I once was, was long gone from where I am today.

I will not let myself get stuck again. 

Life is too short for that.

While some parts of my life I have to re-live to be able to move on.

Again and again.



This is the beauty of life.

This is why we need to wake up.

Nothing else is relevant right now, we need to open our eyes.

We need change.

We need help.


And we are all made of stardust.


When you are hungry for life, but the ego and fear takes over...

People always want so many things.

So we can numb ourselves and consume because of pleasure and satisfaction.

We always wish for something that we don’t have or we haven’t experienced.

We are consumers.

And we are hungry. For more.

We spend all our lives craving for more and we are never satisfied.

And there is nothing wrong with that, if you do it in a healthy way.

(And depending on the subject)


But most people are lost and have no idea of what they actually are looking for.

But I am glad that many people are starting to wake up.

Self practice, worth and respect.

We just know that we need changes in our lives.

But we need to “let go” and “move on” and all that shit to be able to move forward...


And once we get what we need, we don’t want it anymore.

Life goes on.

We all wish for a perfect life. A happy life.

And it can always be better.

We all create something in our perfect mind of how it would look like.

Then we get disappointed when it doesn’t turn out to be like that.

We want to happy, be crazy in love and being loved.

We want to have the perfect partner, the perfect job, and live happily ever after.


We want LOVE.

And this is all we need.

But yet, this is the hardest part.

The most scariest part.

Love makes us weak, vulnerable and sensitive.

And having the balance with your crazy monkey mind doesn't make it easier.

BUT, it also makes us open up ourselves, awakens the real you,

makes you shine, makes you happy and makes you go absolutely crazy!

Love doesn’t ask questions, Love just is.


But often when we feel it, we push it away because you might not be ready.

Fear of what is coming.

We need to suffer a little bit more.

So we close again.


There is a big, horrible idea out there in the world of romance:

That if it’s not hard, it’s not real.

True romance must be earned, we believe. Struggled for. Barely survived.

If it comes easy, it’s wrong. Shallow. Too simple.

We must suffer for love. We must cry with certain regularity.

Lose our faith time and time again only to barely regain it again.

I humbly submit that such a belief is the romantic equivalent of 100% grade-A bullshit.

I think a relationship should be easy. It should, but most of the time, it’s not.

It’s just the manner of being on the same level together.

Have faith and start loving yourself.


I have only have one answer to this:

Start with YOURSELF!


How are you ever going to be able to love when you can’t love yourself?

How are you going to find someone when you can’t find yourself?

How are you ever going to be happy together with someone else

if you cannot start being happy with yourself?

How are you ever going to be responsible when you cannot control your own actions?

It might sound easy and most people are aware of it, but it’s the truth.


Even I am doubting myself many times.

Being a therapist and healer, I learned a lot about human behavior.

My strongest passion is the human body, mind and spirit.

And human actions and interactions.

I’m an observer, but I cannot see myself.

It’s always easy to help others, but who helps you when you cannot see yourself?

What I’m getting to blind to see sometimes is what I am advising others to do,

I don’t do myself.

Am I a hypocrite? Or maybe just human?

I am aware of it anyway and at least I am working on it.

That’s step 1.  Awareness.


I can just talk about my own experiences.

For me to be able to see where I was and how to survive life,

it took me so far down into a deep black hole

that I almost wasn’t able to climb back up.

And to be honest, this is not the first time I have heard this story.

And if that’s what it takes for a person to realize, I hope we all survive.

I really do.


I did what most people do when they feel lonely, hurt, or rejected.

I putted myself in a “victim position”.

Feel sorry for me. My life sucks. Please.

Everything sucked, and instead of taking care of myself I drank so much alcohol in

the weekends that I barely cannot remember Friday or Saturday.

I took the easy way out.

Because we are comfortable that way.

We are used to certain things and that’s how it is.

And some things we want to forget, or suppress.


I took advantage of both men and the friends that I had,

without even thinking about it.

I was feeding my ego to feel a little better, just for a moment.

Until I said ENOUGH, this can’t be it.

There must be something more in life than this.


And I wanted a change. I needed a change.

But where do you start?

I started by accepting that I didn’t feel good with what I was doing.

But FEAR took over. Fear almost always takes over.

Our brain is programmed that way.

What might people think, what might people say?


But it’s ok to let down the guard.

It's really ok...

It’s ok to have feelings that are not always positive.

It's ok to feel sad.

The matter is that we DON’T want to be the one who does the dirty work.

We want someone else to do it for us.

It’s easier that way.


Then again….

Life is not easy, it takes effort and strength.

And NO ONE can change YOU.

You are the only one who can take the step.

You can be guided, inspired, motivated but it all comes down to you!!


But where do you start?

That’s the best question because there are so many people out there

that are aware of a shift or a change but don’t know where to start.

Start trying to break out of old repeating patterns.

Silence your mind and think twice before you open your mouth.

Try to connect with yourself.

Try to just STOP and listen to yourself.

You have the answer inside of you.

If you can’t, start writing down what you want to change,

and what you are not happy with,

then read it and try to do something about it.

If you still don’t know what to do, asking for help is ok.

Be vulnerable.


But then… When we start to feel a change coming, it gets challenging,

and who likes that? Fear takes over again.

It’s easy to fall into old patterns…

Break them.

Do something that you have never done before.



RSS 2.0