ૐ It's just me ☼ Lee Lee ૐ ☮ ♥

That day when I went to the lecture of "The power of forgiveness",
I found my way back on track. Or at least it felt like that.
And I know that I have to stay on that path, to continue feeling like I do.

For the last 2 weeks or so, I've been eating meat and I had couple of glasses of wine.
And some cigarettes. Really good, but I have to do some purification and detoxing.
I notice mostly the meat and it's energy it gives me. Nooo good!
I blame the "CHRISTMAS TIME" at the moment.

Last wednesday I decided to go to Natha Yoga center for a free Yoga lecture.
And some how it was like going back in time.
It was exactly the same lectures I was taught in Thailand.
I was right the whole time. It was exactly what I expected.
The teacher I talked to when me and Nova was there, looked at me and smiled.
She was happy to see me. Her eyes told me.

When we started she asked me: Did you do 6 warming exercises in Thailand.
- Correct! I knew it. I didn't even have to start over at a new Yoga place
because I allready knew what they were doing and in what order.
THAT felt super duper awesome!

Then we practised Yoga and after that, we had theory and meditation.
2 ½ hours straight with it all together, and I was satisfied.
This is it. And if I continue at Natha, same as Agama -
It will be easier to become a teacher when I'm finally at Agama again to become a teacher.
Yes, you heard me right. That is my goal.
That's the only thing I want to do in the end.
And to combine it with my Swedish massage.

I'm still looking forward to my 10 days of meditation in Ödeshög.

This is it for now. I will do some purification from now on.
NOOOOO MEAAAAAT!!!
Or maybe I wait until after Christmas? ;)

Have a good one everyone.
Peace and Love to you all <3

I don't see how people can do Yoga in a gym.
I've spendt all day long at A&C sportcenter, mainly to study.
But, we'll see how that goes.
A final coming up this weekend in fysiology.
Being around Malin takes alot more of my energy then I thought!
Mostly my own fault that I can not focus when she is around.
(or anyone else in the gym)
So I'll think I even do better at home now.
But when I'm there I go to a class too or into the gym :)
So, that's great anyway!

Today I met Andreas for the first time
(one of the instructors for ZUMBA)
Good looking guy and when he arrived suddenly the whole reception was speeded up
and went nuts with the new salsa looking method ZUMBA!
Oh lord, I felt so calm and peaceful and stressed
people came all the time.
I wanted to stay and try it too, but I had other plans.

I went in to the room to prepare myself for Yoga.
To calm down.
To breath and relax.
Into the room Andreas rushes in,
puts on music and yadda yadda yadda.
Lee can you help me with this and that...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I need peace!!!!!
*My head screams* But of course.
Since I am so nice, I can't say NO! :)

I haven't tried Yoga in a gym since I did it at Goodlife.
Andreas were a good instructor,
we did BODY BALANCE instead since the original Yoga teacher weren't there.
Which is a mix of tai chi, pilates and Yoga.
But doing Yoga in a gym isn't the same as in a real Yoga center.
50 min, speeded up with the asanas and the people
have noooo idea what they are doing!
Sad, because if they only knew what was going on with their bodies....

Well, I am always satisfied with all workout I can get.
And at least I know what I am doing now hehe..

It was nice to try it at a gym again too.
Since I'm gonna go there during the winter :)
And then will be moving on to Natha Yoga!

This evening I've been spending with Dee.
Great and nice girl!
Made some dinner / talk and then I gave her a massage! :)
Great night.. Late night... And early morning tomorrow.

Time for bed. Ta taaaa

Warning: This is going to be a long blog post....
And sorry, but I have to write this in Swedish as well.
Please use Google translate!

Jag måste börja med att skriva att allting som händer har sin mening.
I somras så introducerade jag Yoga in i Novas liv.
För några dagar sedan så fick jag ett mail utav henne där hon frågade
mig om jag ville följa med på en föreläsning på Natha Yoga Center här i Malmö.
Föreläsningen handlade om "Konsten att förlåta".

Intresset var skarpt så det var en självklarhet!
Med tanke på att min balans har varit lite dålig på sistone så lät detta perfekt.
Vi kom en timme för tidigt då Nova sett fel på tiden.
Men vi fick då vara med på en meditation vilket var plus i kanten för mig.

Efter meditationen så hade vi en YANG SPIRAL MEDITATION tillsammans.
Det var jätte kraftfullt för mig (och även Nova).
Man ställer sig då i zodiak tecknens ordning, i en spiral och håller händerna.
Musik spelades i bakgrunden. Inte vanlig musik utan tecno musik.
Det gjorde mig väldigt paff att höra sådan musik pumpa ut ur högtalarna, men det gjorde gott.
Till en början tänkte jag: OHHHH MYYYYY GOOOD vad sjukt,
för det är inte det man förväntar sig under en meditation.

Värmen och energin man kände i från allihopa var enorm.
Min puls gick upp riktigt mycket och kände även darrningar i händer.
Jag kände att jag lutade åt vänster ett x antal gånger,
och även att mitt huvud tippade. (fast än att det inte gjorde det)
Novade började svaja, hon brevid mig började svaja... eller kände jag bara att jag svaja?
Mellan mig och Nova kändes enorm värme,
inte alls som med den andra tjejen som höll i min hand.
Nästan så att det blev en avdomnande känsla i handen.
En styrka, precis som om jag tryckte om hennes hand hårt.

När det var dags för föreläsningen så svävade jag redan på molnen.
Sakerna hon sa var så självklara och de saker hon sa lät så bekant.

Bekant på ett vis som jag själv blivit undervisad på Agama Yoga i Thailand.
Sakerna hon sa, upplägget hon hade och djupet
var så att jag kunde relatera vart enda litet ord.
Det kändes RÄTT och väldigt ÄKTA!

Saker som jag lärt mig, men som är så "LÄTT ATT GLÖMMA".
Eller som jag lagt åt sidan iaf.
Men det var bara början, början på ett äventyr.
Mitt äventyr som jag har väntat länge på.
Jag drogs dit av en anledning!
Det är nu allt börjar falla på plats och det är nu det kommer!

Efter föreläsningen så var jag tvungen att prata med
hon som höll i det och fråga vem som lärt henne.
Eller vart grunderna och läran kommer ifrån.
Det visar sig då vara MIN Guru, Swami Vivekananda Saraswati's
vän som har Natha Yoga i Malmö.
Min Swami som jag inte vet hans rikiga namn på,
är ursprungligen i från Rumänien och det har gått en hel
del historier om honom runt om i världen.
Men de var tydligen vänner, blev problem och båda flydde i från Rumänien.
Snubben som har Natha Yoga har nu hemlig identitet,
eller ja jag vet inte riktigt hur alla historier är.
More or less, it's like that anyway!

Jag väljer att lyssna på alla historier för jag hör nya hela tiden.
Men jag tar inte ställning till något som sägs. Jag är öppen helt enkelt.

MEN VAD ÄR ODDSEN???
Det här är ju heeeeeeeelt sjukt!!!!

Under tiden vi står och pratar om detta, så lyssnar två andra lite äldre kvinnor på oss.
Den ena kvinnan som är en daglig Yoga elev där frågar mig då:
-Var det i Koh Phangan du gick??
-Ja? Vad då? *undrar nyfiket*
-Var där en lärare som hette Burkhard?

WTF!
Vi pratar vidare och det visar sig att en av mina gamla lärare på Agama är hennes föredetta!
Hon skulle eg. åkt dit men han åkte dit istället.
Hon gick dit ikväll pga honom. Konsten att förlåta.
Hon trodde att hon förlåtit sig själv och honom,
men så fort hon träffade mig så visade det sig tvärtom.
Vi var alla i chock tillstånd, samtidigt som vi var helt i extas.

Vi var alla där av en anledning ikväll.
Det var ödet att föra oss samman och det har nog aldrig kommit så klart till mig!
Pusselbitarna börjar falla på plats.
Och ju mer jag luskar i allt detta, så har jag mer och mer rätt för varje gång.

Detta Yoga cetret var i mitt stuk.
Där fanns kärlek. Det var hem trevligt och dom var varma.
Och framför allt väldigt förstående.
Jag funderar nu på att slita mig i från Kendra och "gå tillbaka"
till samma koncept som jag lärde mig i Thailand.
Grunder av chakras, tänkande, energier etc.... på djupet.
Där föreläsningarna inte kostar 2000 kr att gå på. Utan är GRATIS!
Och att Yogan helt enkelt är billigare att gå på och ger mig mer i det stora hela.
Jag är trots allt en fattig student... riktigt fattig också...

Dessutom är "stämningen" inte riktigt "rätt" för min själ och mitt inre på Kendra.
Jag trodde jag kände mig väldigt hemma, vilket jag har gjort.
Men det är något med Kendra som jag inte kan sätta fingert på....

Men grunderna, principerna och föreläsningarna
är nog det jag kommer koncentrera mig mer på.
Och Yogan kommer vi få skriftligt material på med oss hem,
asana för asana så att vi kan utöva det hemma där det specifikt
står punkt och pricka en innebörd!
Det är det jag kallar Yoga!

Och det är DET som är en undervisning!
Jag måste nog ta ett snack med Daniel efter att han kommit hem i från Indien....
Daniel är det absolut inget fel på, han är en väldigt duktig Yoga lärare,
men min själ har nog vandrat vidare för att finna sig till rätta!

Min själ har nog precis hittat hem, till där den hör hemma tror jag!
Och att Agama var rätt för mig från början var det ingen tvivel om.

My soul <3 Yoga!
And Yoga <3 my soul! :)

Nog flumm snack för idag... Dags för sängen!
Jag tackar NOVA för att hon drog med mig ikväll.
Evigt tacksam för det här, och snart är vi nog Yoga buddies! :)

Meditation before bed time.
Enjoy everyone.

Ta ta!

You don't have think of the meaning to meditate on OM.

Just simply repeat OM. "OM, OM, OM, OM."

When you repeat OM you hear your own sound.

When you close your eyes and say, "OM, OM, OM, OM," you will be hearing your own sound, is it not?

So listen to that sound. Don't think of anything else.

If any other thought comes, bring the mind back.

Try to listen to OM. If I speak to you, you listen to me.

You hear my words, is it not so? In the same way, you can hear your own words.

The word here is OM. Say OM, OM, OM, OM. See? You can hear that, no?

That's good. That's enough. That is the best way to meditate on OM.

You don't have to worry about such things as, "What is it, why is it, how is it?"

You don't have to think about it. Just think of that sound.

Think of the sound that OM produces. Dwell on the sound of OM itself.

 

The sound is not different from God. What is God? God is sound.

The Bible says God is the Word. The Word is God. So God and Word are not different.

In the same way, God and OM are not different.

When you say, "OM, OM," God is talking to you, humming to you.

Listen to that. Like a baby listens to the music of the lullaby sung by its mother.

It listens to that and slowly goes to heaven.

In the same way, the mind will hear OM and slowly become absorbed into that.

You don't have to think about anything. Otherwise you are thinking, not meditating.

 

The best meditation is not to think of anything.

Yes, simply OM, OM, OM, OM, OM, OM, OM. If you like it, try it.



OM Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

Ignorance is the problem for missundertanding.
If people didn't missunderstand each other, there would not be any problems.
No world wars etc.

You can ignore yourself and you can ignore others.
You can listen, but you may not be able to hear?

I (for a long time) thought I had a friend. I am not sure about that anymore.
But it's been like this for years.... and yeeeears now.
This friend is more lost then I thought,
but I explained myself to this friend now,
but I don't think this person understands really.
I will not lick someone else ass any more.
And I am not sad about it, it's not my choice.
I will always be here for this person when he/she needs me.
He/She will always stay in my heart no matter what happens.
But I exaust myself. And don't want that.

Yes, things has happened and some situations are weirder then it was before.
But I leave it behind. Don't blame me.
I will not waste my time or energy on someone who can not feel love.
Or with other words.... COMPASSION AND KINDNESS!

The one who can not tollerate compassion,
kindness or love is not the person I want to be around.
I know that it will take time for this person to understand and deal with the problems around.
I am still there, I have always been there for this friend.
But this person has never been there for himself or for others.

I don't even want to talk to the person at the moment.
Cuz I feel pain. Not in myself. The compassion.
Sadness in eyes, and I don't want to meet the contact
cuz those eyes who normally are full of life, are to me really empty.
And pretty lost.

But in other hand I am very very happy to have other loving, kind people around me.
With full of life. I appriciate those people alot.
That's what makes me happy.

I also have company for the VIPASSANA meditation retreat in march.
I never thought that there would be any one around me who actually would want to do this.
I only had 2 people on my mind who maybe could be interested.



This is the Vipassana retreat.

And even if we don't do it together,
cuz it's separte men/woman class and we are not able to speak for 10 days.
It's just nice to go there and do it with someone else.
It's not a game. This is for real, and not a joke!
I'm looking forward to it alot, it will just do me good.
This person that will join me, (or just join himself on this journey)
I wish that this person stays in my life for ever, and ever.

I was suprised to hear that I may have company. For real.
The people who suprise me the most, is the most precious ones!
Of course we are all precious, but you just have to notice it yourself.

There we have it... the power of ignorance... DON'T IGNORE your own power!
Don't be stupid when you can be smart.

Daniel said... The ones who don't can sometimes be called crazy!

Crazy it is. Be crazy. DON'T GO WITH THE FLOW. Go against it!
Live and let live.
We are all beautiful flowers on the field of life.

LOVE!

Many of you guys know that I am a big fan of tea.
But, I like coffee too. But I prefer tea.
This time a year I (as many others) am very low on energy.
Specially here in Sweden.

I am just so exausted all the time. I don't know if it's the weather?

So... To maintain the energy (even if you work out, do Yoga or do what ever)
you have to drink and eat proper food.

You can drown yourself in COFFEE.... That's what I do sometimes.
But I also feel that in long term, it's not helping.

You can also drink this magnificant YOGI WOMANS ENERGY tea!
It has so many flavours. I love it.
I have a whole shelf with just tea. But I think this is one of the best :)
The thing I love about the Yogi teas is that on every tea bag is a quote.
Today's quote was: "Act with compassion and kindness"

Now I enjoy my tea with 2 skagen mix sandwiches with salmon and eggs.
What a breakfast! I love it sometimes.
Now it's time for vitamin pills to maintain everything else in right order.
First morning Yoga class for a week. Felt great, like always.

Daniel is leaving to India on wednesday.
And we have a "semester" from 18/12 - 3/1 with the Yoga.
So I have to practise myself, go to A&C sportcenter meanwhile.
I also have to build up some muscles in my arms and hands,
now when I work with the massage. I notice it alot, specially in my thumbs!
And then save up some money for the next 3 monts Yoga.
Daniel promised me that it was okey with the payment, and I am very thankful for that.
I don't know how I would be able to survive without the Yoga at the moment.

It's LOVE for my soul. It's everything I need.
It's my medicine...

Now I will go to the library and study!
Smell ya later aligator.

First of all I have to say that I finished my "tapas".
I decided to do a tapas for myself.

BE SOBER FOR 3 MONTHS!
And this monday I finished it.
It ment alot for myself since I haven't been sober for that long in years!
And today I don't even want to drink.
(Except from taking a glas of wine with nice company)

A tapas when it comes to Yoga is when you make yourself a promise to hold!
Like stop smoking, eat chocolate, drink alcohol or what ever it is....
Small steps or big steps, depends what ever you like.

I've been writing about this before in my blog.
Read about it here ---------------------- TAPAS!!!
And seriously, READ IT! It's pretty interesting if you haven't allready!

And it works very well because my willpower is getting better and better.
I just have to learn how to say no more often now.
And now I need another tapas to do.
I just have to figure out what to do for myself.

Another thing I have to say is
"SHE IS BAAACK IN BUSINESS" Mouhahahaha...

Couple of days ago I woke up from a dream.
A dream who wasn't the same as my "normal boogeyman dreams".
In this dream I had the power.
It was a part of the "good old Lee".

Like finding "the glow" in myself again. The little little little missing piece.
The good part of me who disapaired in Mexico somewhere.
The power I once had, but lost on the way. (When I started to be too nice)
When I woke up, that part of me was back.
And I feel strong again. Now it's my turn to turn things around again!
I don't like to lick someone elses asses, they should lick mine now.
*Evil laugh* Mouhahahahahahahahahaha....

The same day Malin asks me:
"You look different. Have you done something?
You are so pretty today, and you look so cute without make up."
"Well, thank you....blushing.... Yeah, I know what it is... I found the fire in myself again."
And she said... "Yes, I can tell it in your eyes. I like it!"

It feels pretty awesome and I like everything right now!
I'm such a good exemple that my mood goes up & down.
Why should I climb down the ladder when I can climb up?

Why sit here and whine about myself when people can have it so much worse then me?
And after the Yoga that morning, Daniel had some wise words of course.
And those wise words touched me alot that day!

Awakening! I seriously think I woke up!
To be around the sort of people who are awake, is good.
To be around the sort of people who are living
a life drunk or high for exemple, isn't the best maybe.
You easily can tell the different which one who gives you more energy!
Or just positivty.

I'm pretty satisfied with the sort of people I have around me today.
They are not many, but many of them I have a special relation with.
I know the once who can bring me up & down today.

One of them who can bring me up & down very easy, I told recently.
In response he said: Well... that's just good. That is really good.
Experience it and go into the feeling and try to figure out why and how.
The only one who can help you with that feeling, and what to do about it is yourself.
And I know he is right.

A while ago, I would be mad at him not being there for me.
But how can he, when I'm not there for myself in those moments?
And if I would be there for myself, I would not need him to be there.
Does this make sence?

But these type of things makes me think alot.
And I'm glad that I still have him in my life.
And all the others as well.

Time for bed. Ta ta! :D
No more boogey man!! WOHOOOO

I don't really know where to start with this, because this is just weird.
But weird in a cool way of course.

I went for the Vinyasa Yoga class today since I didn't wake up in time this morning as well.
When we had the relaxation, the relaxation is the best for me to make my meditation.
It's just easier in a way for me.

I came to the point of where I was floating above myself.
I love that feeling. But it's almost not explainable.
It may sound weird for you guys, but it's like your soul leave your own body.
And you don't move a muscle. Totally relaxed.

Sometimes it happens to me that I feel present somewhere else.
I almost thought it was a dream.
But I wasn't sleeping and I know the feeling I had since it happened before.
I know where I was. I was in my friends bed.
I just laid there and looked around in the room.
I saw him sitting in front of his computer, like I'm used to.
Then I "came back".

When I woke up I had a reminder in my head.
This can happen to me alot after a meditation.
Feelings, old memories, reminders, etc. just pops up from no where.

And when they come. I have to do it.
By doing it, I mean that I have to tell, do, act, read or write.
Just solve the problem or what ever.
This is a part of me growing. And it's also why I have a blog.
This helps alot. I don't care about readers really.

And for all those people who doesn't know about my little accident
couple of years ago when I hitted my head,
I have to say that my memory can be a bit bad sometimes since the accident.
I can forget things easily, just like I did with this reminder I got.

My reminder was about a dream I had when I was in Thailand during the Agama Yoga school.
I remember the dream very well when I was there and I don't know how I could forget it.
Even if I was awake. I wondered who this guy was.
But dreams are pretty easy to forget.

Well, anyway...the reminder I got after this relaxation/meditation was a reminder of the dream I had.
The dream I had was about this guy,
the same guy that is my friend today that I "visited" in my meditation.
I have to add that I didn't know this guy when I was in Thailand.
I've barely known him for 3 months. But yet I've met him before..... (?)

So maybe that's why it felt like I've known him for a while.
And maybe that's why it felt like I've met him before, the first time I saw him.
His (and my) friend showed a picture of him before I met him and I said.... I know who this guy is.
But how? How the F*ck can I know? I don't know!
I haven't been home for more then 1 year almost.
And the thought have hitted me many times,
but there is no answer of this because I know I haven't met him.

I don't know if this sounds waaaaay to weird or like I'm going crazy over here.
Maybe I am? But I don't think so anyway.
What I believe is powerful.

I think there is a reason why I met him in real life.
Since I've had dreams about this guy, before I even met him in the first place.

Well, now you know. What do you think??
My meditation was fucking awesome anyway!!!

EXPLAIN THIS PLS!

Sorry dudes... Too many difficult words today and I'm too lazy to translate at the moment.
So this will be in Swedish. Use Google translate...?

Ja, varje månad så rubbas ganska mycket i en kvinnas kropp när det är dags för att ha mens.
I några dagar har jag varit helt upp & ner och ingenstans.
Daniel har försäkrat oss kvinnor att vi INTE ska göra Yoga under vår mens, utan vila.
Klart vi får göra det om vi vill, men kroppen är väl inte riktigt i balans som vanligt.
Jag som är envis och inte känner skillnad på om jag har mens eller ej går ju givetvis dit.

Och vad händer? Jo, jag stukar tummen så klart för att jag tappar balansen!
I tystnad försöker jag låtsas som ingenting.
Resultatet när jag kom hem var en stor och svullen tumme.
Bummer.
Och jag som hade bestämt mig för att börja med massagen nu.
Fast jag har min första kund på tisdag - Inge mindre än Tess! :)



My new painting. My little Yogi! :)

Mina tankar har varit helt ute och flugit på
sistone också och har verkligen inte kunnat förstå varför.
Men detta var innan mensen kom, jag har varit känslig som fan och rätt trött och nere bara.
Jag hade ingen aning om att mensen smög sig på mig heller.
I vilket fall som helst så insåg jag idag vad det har varit
med mig och varför jag tänkt så negativt.

RÄDSLA!
Som jag har gnällt om i tidigare inlägg och IRL så har jag varit irriterad på mentaliteten,
respekten, negativiteten, kylan, mörkret, etc etc. Ja allmänt gnällig bara!

Jag insåg IDAG.
Eller ja, jag har vetat det hela tiden, men inte insett det att det är ren rädsla.
Rädslan av att misslyckas.
Rädsla av att gå tillbaka till ett jobbigt liv.
Rädsla av att gå tillbaka till en depression och tappa mig själv igen.
Rädslan för stressen & presationen.
Rädsla av att inte finnas till.
Rädsla av att vara lämnad ensam.
Rädsla av att inte vara älskad och uppskattad.
Rädsla av att bli tjock & ful.
Rädsla för mörkret.

(Låter ganska patetiskt, men har man en gång varit deprimerad så har man)

Jag insåg att, visst jag kan fly till ett land far far away
men problemen är här och så fort jag kommer tillbaka så ligger det kvar.
Även om jag "hittat mig själv" och mår fantastico i ett annat land
så är Sverige det land som är hårdast för mig att leva i.
Det är HÄR det är hårt.

Jag har även sagt i tidigare inlägg att jag är "problemfri" i dagens läge.
Och ja det är jag, när det gäller förflutna saker som har "hänt".
Men inte när det gäller mig själv och mitt välmående och balans.

Visst önskar jag att Sverige borde bli mer som Thailand.
Fattigare men kanske lite mer glada och avslappnade!
Så om man nu är det i sig själv, då borde väl Sverige vara en stor utmaning?
Men mycket av det handlar ju om stress.
Vi lägger på oss för många uppgifter här.
Fast Sverige är ett bra land. Mycket bra, förutom kylan.

Jag lägger nu min rädsla på hyllan.
Eller jag ska i alla fall försöka så gott jag kan.
Älskar inte folk mig, så är det ju tråkigt för dom.
Jag älskar i alla fall mig själv! :)
Det andra får komma och flyta på, för nu släpper jag det.
JAG ÄR INTE RÄDD LÄNGRE!

Så länge jag har min Yoga så är jag glad!
Sen spelar inget annat någon roll... Så det så!

When I thought about it when I tried to explain a bit for Pernilla after the Yoga today,
it's pretty unbelievable. Well, specially when it comes to me!

Just 6 months ago I had a medical bag that was almost bigger then my backpack.
I was the MEDICIN WOMAN!
I've had problems for years, when it comes to almost everything.
Pain in back, legs, allergy, breathing and I ate so much aspirin (ALVEDON as we call it here)
And if you put 1+1 together, you see the name of my blog - ge mig en alvedon
is translated to GIVE ME AN ASPIRIN.
I had pills for everything!!!

I went to the doctors sometimes more then 5 times in 6 months before.
If it wasn't urinary infection, it was otitis media or something else.
And I have to say, today I'm problem free! (knock on wood)
I haven't been sick since february/march. Not even a small cold.
NO MEDICINE NEEDED!

The answer is : YOGA!
Believe it or not. But it's true.
And now we are not just talking about postiours and exercise.
I'm talking about cleansing, detoxing and those things that you can do.
My system was blocked before and of course I'm not finished but I'm on my way...
You can't do too much cleansing or detoxing!

I am just so happy that I'm not sick anymore. 
Not even migrain or headache.
But in the other hand I had problem solved with a pair of glasses when it came to the migrain!

I've been eating meat for the last couple of days. Which I wanted and needed.
But now I'll have to stop cuz I feel heavy and swollen again.
And now it's time for a fasting. Not today though, but soon!

So, stop taking pills....
Or at least antibiotics.

Now the only thing I take today is vitamins and herbs.

Bye bye for now... I'll be back soon. Over and done!

Today it's one month ago I sat hungover in my sofa a sunday morning.
When Tommy went home to Falkenberg and I spendt the rest
of the day with also a sober man, Joel.
He is a good inspiration for me.
It's a good day to keep in mind, because it was that day I decided to stop.
And now I keep counting the days, and the months...
I've even posted it in my calender. To see for how long I will make it.

3 months (AT LEAST) is my goal.
I have to say like J: Rather a small step in right direction then running the wrong way.
After 3 months, I can set up a new goal.
Willpower it's called. I will never let myself down again!! NEVER!

Anyway, I celebrate this day with some newly fresh home made orange juice for my breakfast.
I hade to try out the orange press that my mum gave to Annica and not me :P
So I bought oranges on the market this morning, with other fruits as well for my breakfast :)



Two oranges later....



Miix with a bit of lime (favorite) and water... And add some ice!
And sim-sala-bim ...



Yesterday I went to meditation, massage and then jogging in the park with Joel.
My body was soooo god damn tired and sore and I haven't slept much either.
My alarm started at 06.00 this morning and I was really really close to just go back to sleep.
I didn't have the energy at all to walk up from the bed.
My muscles are still sore since the massage as well.

My mind was not working at all.
I went up, got dressed and took the bike down.
It felt like I was still sleeping. My head was anyway.
Today was not the best day for Yoga.

But I placed myself on the mat anyway and I could barelly move.
Or touch my toes. Aw, aw., aw... aj aj aj...
Yoga started and when Daniel talked, I tried to to focus and listen.
But it felt like I wasn't there... I couldn't!
Everything went in from one ear and out through the other...WTF!

Well, I piss myself off sometimes. But hey -
- Accept, and let go!
*grrrr*

For those who have a hard time to let go, this is a good thing to think about!

PEACE LOVE AND HAPPYNESS!

During the Yoga this morning Daniel said many good words that made me think for a bit.
First of all he said that we are mirrors.
Others reflect ourselves, and the oposite.
And that is correct, that I allready knew.

But the way he said it made it so much more clear for me, I really understood it when he said it.
I now understand why some people can find it hard to be around me the same way as before.
Because they feel bad about themselves.
And I can find it hard to be around them as well.

And then there are some people who are still there and are happy,
even maybe have done a change themselves recently -
- These are the BEAUTIFUL people! he said.
I am one of them myself. This is the people with a good character!

Well... to the thing I want to talk about.....
He wanted us to stop thinking about the feeling and FEEL the feeling instead.
Don't think and force, let it go. Surrender!
How do YOU feel?
Well, in that moment I felt like a little child.
Totally open and vulnerable.

I went back to my childhood, and I was in that state during almost the whole class.
I realized that I haven't been myself (for real) for many years.
Sometimes it's hard for me to go back to who I once was,
because I don't really know how to act.
Because that act was in my past and not in my present.
But now it's back and it's now time to deal with everything.

This can be a bit hard to explain if you don't really know what I'm talking about.
Of course I've always been myself, but not deep within.
Now I feel the feelings like a little kid does.
I am present like I've never been before, but I go back in time.

This makes me so happy.
Happy as a little child.
During the relaxation today, Daniel started to play some piano music.
That gives me the double effect, somehow piano music makes me really sensitive.

So, the result was that I started to cry (but very discrete).
For many many years I "hated" piano music, but I realized it was because I was afraid.
I was afraid to get vulnerable and open.
But the reason why I cried was because I was happy.
I was happy that I've found my way back to LIFE & LOVE.

And also going back MANY MANY years to deal with
those things I weren't able to deal with myself in that age.
So, I do my own therapy today.

And I had to hug Miche for a long time after the class.
That felt good. I love hugs. Real hugs.
He laughed a bit because I don't think he knew
how to handle me when I asked for a big hug.... Haha.

AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT IF YOU GUYS KNOW ME,
YOU WOULD NEVER THINK OF ME AS A SHY GIRL, RIGHT?

BUT HERE IS THE TRUTH... I AM SHY, AND MORE SHY THAT YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.
Why do you think I've been drinking so much before....?
It's an easy way out! But hey, news flash - LIFE AIN'T EASY!!!
It's not something I like myself, but now you know that I am not a bitch,
I am just laying low because I am shy!

This is it for me at the moment!
Peace out

I won't mention any names in this blog post.
But couple of days ago when I went to bed something weird happend.
Or maybe it was just in my head? Maybe I'm going KO-KO?
(sometimes I think I'm crazy)

I was in the state of not sleeping, but not being awake.
Is this what we call LUCID DREAMING?
My mind flew away somewhere else....

In that state of mind, I felt someone touching my legs very sensual.
I also reminded myself that this was not for real, but it felt so real.
So I choosed not to wake up because I liked it.
I also knew who the man was, and he laid next to my feets.
Even the hair on my body raised and the touch were with alot of love.
And then the hands walked the way up my ass and around to my stomache.

And the touch on my stomache felt so real.
I stoped and I told myself: Wait, hold on a minute here...
What the heck is going on? This can't be real.
And in exactly that second I get a text from this person, who in my dream touched me.
And if you knew what the text said, it would be even more spooky.
But I can't....

Can someone explain this?
Was this just a coinsedence?
Or was there someone in the room with me?
Or just on my mind, or was I on his mind? Or both?

It was just a too weird situation...

And one more thing: Pete A. I can't find the book "School of Gods".
Do you know how to get it? It's hard to get here.....

Over and out everyone

The touch of the skin. Gentle and soft.

You can touch it so gentle that it almost tickles and give goosbumps.

Look deep into my eyes and in the same moment you

normally look somewhere else because it feels like you are

getting "too much", shy or showing too much of yourself, let it be.

Look and stay connected and feel the connection.

Feel that the rest of the world does not excist.

There is nothing else around us, just you and me.

Breath at the same time in the same pattern, that's when you feel it.

Open up, don't be afraid.

 

And if so, feel safe and don't worry.

Because it's okey. Trust.

 

We are all connected, we are all one!

 

It's time for some meditation and Yoga.

I've been way to lazy lately, and I feel it in my body.

I don't feel good at all :(

Specially not after drinking this weekend... But damn what a great weekend!

One thing is for sure.
Yoga is the best thing I've done so far in my life.
When it comes to selfrealization, focus, concentration and just feeling good.
No stress and the calmness is getting into my body.

I went up at 07.35 today and started the day with my morning kriya, cleansing.
Sended my CV and waited for Sanaa that wanted to join me for some morning Yoga.
She called but never showed up.
Bummer for her. I did it anyway.

I just did the Cakrásana pose. (Wheel pose)
And I always had problems with it.
Until now - first try, up and hold a long time.
I guess that the streanght in my arms is getting better or something.
Same with Gomukhásana.
Had a really hard time to get my hands together
since this has to do with breathing and lungs.
And for those who knows me, I have problems since years back.

I guess that some parts in my body is feeling better?
And some are feeling worst. My legs for exemple.
But I do more legs now.

During my practise, I decided to save up money for my next "LONG" trip.
It's going to be somewhere in the world where I can continue my AGAMA YOGA.
I guess it will be Mexico again.
I also plan to go back to Isla Mujeres within a year so.... It's a perfect opertunity.

This time I don't plan to take the level course 2&3,
why not just take a Yoga Teacher training?
I'm going to spend 3 months or so to do this,
and I am going to try to do it in the winter time when it's cold here.

This is what I love. This is what I like to do.
This is where I understand, find myself and the right energy that I need.
I concentrate and I learn something every day.
I really want this.
I still have to thank the guy that helped me on my way when I needed it.
It was life changing.

I noticed that it's really hard for me to talk about certain stuff or act in a certain way
around people that haven't tried it, understand it or just live a different lifestyle.
In the end I stop talking about it.
I can say that I am very spirituell and to feel good I need spirituell people around me.

I also noticed myself being out of control on and off.
Coming back to all the stress, being surrounded by people again.
Having 3 phones ringing. Yes, 3 (at the moment).
Nice weather but still need to search for a job, future plans, exercise, see friends,
eat, clean and all the other normal stuff that you do.

Why can't it be more hours on ONE day?
Then you have the time!

I think that many people I know is very curious and want to know
more about Yoga and meditation.
But I am not a teacher, not yet anyway.
And it's hard when you can't give them all the fact.
They also have to believe in it.

And IF I become a teacher, can I survive on that money?
But what is money anyway?

This is my plan!

Since couple of days ago I have been starting to "loose it" a bit.
I've felt a bit lost and all my concentration and focus suddenly had wings and flew away.
Until today, when I putted my foot down!!!

I borrowed some money to get a good start as soon as possible.
And since YogaKendra is closed for the summer, I can't wait until August.
So I thought, why not get a "summer card" at K-Yoga (www.k-yoga.se)
Where my last yoga instructor from Goodlife - Eddie, now is located.

So I draged my ass down there and started today.
I think I have to practise more until I can continue at home,
when I've got my concentration to 100 %.
It felt alot better just walking down there, and it's just 2 blocks away :)

But there was no Eddie around!
I didn't really understand the different classes.
Cuz there were only people going into one room.
Well well, tomorrow I guess?
I'm new. What to do? HAHA.

It was nice and relaxing.
Different and not much explanation to what we did,
but since I already know most of it I didn't need one.
So it's fine for me.

Yesterday I had a visit from my little sister Sara.
It was my idea. We had a walk in the park and then went to my place again.
I made some dinner and then My came and joined us as well.

My dinner was fantastic, even if it was with meat.
(you can choose something else then bacon if you want to)
I haven't had bacon for a long time so I choose the best.

Bacon
Garlic
Union
Mushroom
Chanterelles
Sugarsnaps
Green fresh fettuchini
Cream

Mix and use salt & pepper.
Magnifique and very yum yum.

That's all from me today. C YA!

When I opened one of my suitcases I found a book.
An old book. I can't remember it.
And I don't know who gave it to me.
My guess is my mother or my grand mother.
The book is from 1975 and it's a YOGA BOOK.
I guess it's been one of those books I just putted on the shelf before.

Interesting. I really have to read this one haha.
Just looking at the pictures was funny.

Or what do you think?

My last day in Bangkok I spendt a while at one of the buddist tempels.
The Buddah was huge. And the tempel is very very pretty.
I sat down on the red carpet and started to meditate.
It was so much easier to do it there instead of somewhere else.
I guess it's also because I feel more "safe" around the buddists walking around
and that the people actually come for doing the same thing as I did.

When I finished, one of the buddists walked by and gave me a big smile.
That smile made me all warm inside.

So there I sat. Meditated.
Me. In Bangkok.
The thought hitted me....
Who would think I would do such thing couple of months ago?
Me? Lee! Serious? No one I guess!
Not even myself could believe such thing, that I actually sat there.
But now I'm growing faster then I did before.
Self-realization....

I am aware of my weak spots, my problems, my bad habits, my fears and the "OLD LEE".
But there is no OLD LEE anymore. She is gone.
There is a new Lee now, a stronger and more confident one.
I've done a major change in my life, and I may not show it.
But I feel it.
Now I'm just trying to blend in with my friends again.
But I'm laying low, like I always do.
I'm not a show off, never had and never will.

I believe in myself.

Later folks

Just a little thought...

For those who doesn't know about chakras,
I guess that this isn't something interesting for you to read! (?)
BUT, If you are more interested in it, you can read more HERE!

When you realize what the different types of chakras with energy you have in your body
and when you know what they mean, you think more about it and can connect
different types of persons to which chakra dominates them.
When someone say something or act in a special way,
automaticly I think : Oh, she is on manipura or svadistana or what ever.
80 % of the world are more or less dominated by the Svadistana chakra. (above the genitals)
I've been there too. Still am, but not dominated! :D
Most people are mostly connected with 3 chakras, and most of the time it's the lower ones.
And no one is connected to any of them to 100 %.
And it's very very very rare that someone is dominated by Ajna,
(middle of the forhea) or the crown chakra.
I've noticed that I have blockages,
I know it will take time but the more practise the more result.
And the higher up I can go and strenght my other chakras.
Working on Anahata alot, (heart chakra)
But it's difficult sometimes when you give and people
cannot recieve it. There is nothing greater then Love, that's all we got!

Well, just a little word for today.
Time to get a sunburn on the other side today haha.
Ciao.