ૐ It's just me ☼ Lee Lee ૐ ☮ ♥

Ibland undrar jag över saker och ting.
Saker som triggar mig, som gör ont, varför folk sårar?
Men folk kanske inte tänker på det,
eller i deras ögon är det inte lika stort som i mina egna.

Om jag har varit med om en traumatisk upplevelse tidigare,
i vilken ålder spelar nog ingen roll (men ju tidigare desstu jobbigare)
Och upplever sedan en liknande händelse gång på gång så
är det ju svårare och svårare att ta tag i detta så kallade problem kanske?

När en vän sviker en tex.
Går bakom ryggen eller gör den saken som du sa till hon/han att inte att göra.
Du visar för vännen att detta inte är ok,
men för din vän så är detta piss i missisippi.
I slutändan är det du som känner dig som en "bitterfitta"
för att någon annan skiter i dina känslor.

Ja plötligt så är det DU som är problemet.
(Detta är inget ovanligt när man heter Lee)

Är det verkligen en vän då?
Inte i mina ögon i alla fall.
Och speciellt inte om personen inte kan tala med dig om det.
Egocentriskt beteende kan jag kalla det.
Som har det svårt själv, med sig själv.

Det är i sådana här lägen jag tycker synd om dessa personer.
Hur mycket de än har sårat mig så kan jag inte annat än att tycka synd om dom.
Jag förlorar inga vänner på det, men dom gör.

Men förr eller senare så inser man det också.
Sometimes friendship is not just ment to be.
Synd... när andra tabbar sig...

Jag har varit med om många olika sorters beteende hos vänner
och så fort jag ser varnings tecken så ligger jag jävligt lågt.
Det enda som görs är att det tisslas och tasslas bakom ryggar,
detta gör så att jag ligger ännu mer lågt. Tyvärr.

 

Excerpted from "Taking the Leap"

 

So we start by making friends with our experience

and developing warmth for our good old selves.

Slowly, very slowly, gently, very gently,

we let the stakes get higher as we touch in on more troubling feelings.

This leads to trusting that we have the strength and

good-heartedness to live in this precious world,

despite its land mines, with dignity and kindness. With this kind of confidence,

connecting with others comes more easily,

because what is there to fear when we have stayed with ourselves through thick and thin?

Other people can provoke anything in us and we don't need to defend

ourselves by striking out or shutting down.

 

Selfless help, helping others without an agenda, is the result of our having helped ourselves.

We feel loving towards ourselves and therefore we feel loving towards others.

Over time all those we used to feel separate from

become more and more melted into our heart.

We cannot really save the world.

We cannot even destroy the world. It is not in our hands.

If that Supreme Power wanted to save the world, it wouldn't even take a second for it to happen.

All of us could be saints and sages overnight.

All He has to do is just think, "Come on all of you be saints," and that would be it.

But He is not doing that. Instead, He is letting us be a little ignorant.

That is His fun. You sometimes forget this and take life too seriously.

At least when it gets too tough and you are really caught up in it all,

at that point sit back and say, "It's all right."

Don't be serious about anything, anything, anything. Just have fun.

Always keep this awareness of the Divine Leela or God's Play.

If we just remember this, we won't be projecting our ego.

How often we get caught in thinking, "I did it! I got it! I lost it!"

For one week, try saying: "It's all God's fun. I'll simply do whatever He wants me to do."

Have a sample week like this. You will feel very light. You will get the Light.

Then if you like, you can continue. If not, take back your ego. It is always there.

 

Om Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi

Concentration of the mind....

Well, my ping pong ball have been laying around in the appartment for a while now.
And I haven't done it everyday.

And yesterday I looked at my dear friend Petes profile picture!
And yes... It was inspiring to me...
I did laugh a bit because I don't really like my ping pong ball,
and it looks like Pete doesn't like it either
Or maybe he is just very concentrated!? :P



But I'm gonna concentrate and do it now.
Thanks to some inspiration from this picture. :D
Awesome Pete, thanks!!!

For those who doesn't know what I'm talking about...
It's a method of do some concentration of the mind.
Focus on the ping pong ball, close your eyes, take the ball away and open your eyes.
And finally you should see the ball in front of you, but it will take time.
Alot of time.

I just wish there were more time on a day to do everything I wished I could do.
No Yoga for me this morning.
I just had a really hard time to leave my bed when it's so cold outside in the morning.
Yesterday it was -14 degrees celcius.
Today it's just -5 C. Cooooooooooold... Brrrrrr....
But I love it. It's so pretty with the snow! :)

Just finished a massage on Malins ass this morning!
It's time for breakfast now, study and then fix my bike and then some more massage for Jenny!
This whole massage thing is going well.
And if I keep it up like this, I'll fix my economy ;)

later dudes. peace out!!

I wish I had someone next to me.
And not just someone. The one.
But who is the one then?

I don't know who he is. Or do I?
He is the one I can be silent with.
Be in my own little quiet place, but still have the one there.
The one who takes care of me when I'm sick.
Kisses me in the forhead and holds my hand.
Wipes my tears when I'm sad and holds me at night.

But he makes me laugh. And we laugh together.
Being silly and having fun together, in the same time I want to explore.
Explore life, the world and I want to share as many memories as I can!

Life is suppose to be fun and loving. So what else is better?
Right now in this moment I wish I had that one next to me.
Playing me a song on a guitar while I'm laying in the bath and feel sick.
That would make me feel better. At least for my soul.

The one is out there somewhere. But I'm done searching.
I'm afraid. Afraid of being hurted again.
There you have it. My heart has been broken too many times!

I give up. I'm letting go, and see what comes to me this time.
I'm tired of making the first move / step all the time.

My soul is feeling sick. I think my soul is falling in love.
I don't know if I'm able to handle that at the moment.
I don't want to end up in that black hole again, so I won't let myself.
Not now, not yet.
But I'm staying positive anyway!

What if it ends up like I felt it did once before?
No.... It can't be.....I'm just nuts.

Well, anyway... I'm sick today as I said before!
First migrain in a loooooooong long long time.
No pills, just sleep, bath and throwin up. Nice!

You understand why I want a boyfriend at the moment huh?
Someone I can lay on the chest... and just snuggle...
Just be, here and now.
Feel the heartbeat. Feel the soft skin and smell.
Breath together and connect with eachother.

What ever you do, don't push me away, cuz when you do....
I will leave you in peace. And may not return.

I'm taking a step back. I'm afraid.
I can't.

Over and out

It's snow in Malmö. And it's not even december yet! :)
It's alot and I enjoy it so much.
This is the first time in 2 years I see snow.
Since I live down town in Malmö city, the snow normally never stays that long.
It just turns to water and dirt. And that I hate.

But now... It's been snowing so much and it's here to stay.
I totally love it. It's really cold but I for the first time, enjoy it!
The only thing that would have been great now is a dog or a child to play with!
The little child in me wants to come out when there is snow.

Lucky me I have Joel to play with from time to time then.
There is alot of child in both of us, even if we can be adults.
I still have to say that he is an amazing person!
And I'm still really glad to have him in my life, and I enjoy every time I spend with him.

Since I lost and left many people in my life lately, this is the best about it.
Nothing is never going to be like before. No matter what.
People change, people go different ways, and we grow apart.
It's just to realize it and move on.
But I am very glad I have a good memory because the good memories I will carry on for ever!
And the fun I had with some people will stay.
I do miss many people in my life, but there is nothing I can do about it.
It's just sad. But no matter what - my heart will always remember!
And maybe in a next life we'll have more time together! :)

For the last couple of weeks it felt like I have a cat in my appartment.
I know I don't have a cat any longer, but I sometimes see a cat in the corner of my eyes.
And sometimes I get afraid that I almost gonna step on my cat...
(When there is pants or shoes on the floor for exemple)
It feels like it's my old cat Misha.
I decided to talk to Leif and hear if she is dead and he was 95 % sure that she was.

So maybe my baby have found her way home again to me?
Strangest thing is that I don't feel lonely in my appartment anymore!
I miss my baby.



I also talked about some Thailand memories yesterday.
In that moment, those moments I moved on,
it felt like someone took my heart out of my body and throwed it on the floor and stepped on it.
But then someone else took it up and putted it back in! ME!

Can I be able to go back there one day and finish my mission?
Story ain't over yet.

But if I go...
I'll go for Yoga teaching or volountair work or something like that!
There is no party on my map anymore.

Under många år har jag och även många andra här i livet blivit nedvärderade.
Allt i från yrke, skola, vänner, relationer etc. Det händer hela tiden.

Dom personerna som blir nedvärderade är egentligen dom som borde bli värderade högre.
Du kanske har ett funktionshinder, eller pratar konstigt, eller bara valt helt fel jävla umgänge.

Jag har själv nedvärderat människor i mitt liv, det står jag för.
Men mest för att jag själv skulle må bättre, för att jag var missnöjd med mig själv.
Sett ner på folk och tyckt att jag själv är så mycket bättre, men ack så fel jag gjorde för mig själv.
Av ren egoism har jag gjort vad som varit bäst för mig själv.

Ego, ego, ego.
Men släpper man egot och börjar bry sig om andra, oj va mycket man lär sig om livet.
Det kan bli väldigt fel och väldigt rätt många gånger.

Man har hängt med personer som ser bättre ut, men valet har många gånger varit fel.
Och de med bra utseende har eg varit splittrade själar, så som jag varit och varit väldigt ytliga.
Och har blivit splittrad och ytlig jag själv.

Idag dras jag till personer som är unika och lite speciella.
Inte för att jag "tycker synd om", som jag gjort förr, utan för att detta ger mig mer.
Jag kan slappna av och vara mig själv. För de accepterar lite lättare den jag är.
Om jag är "BOHEM" i mitt inre, men klär mig i höga klackar, är inte detta ytligt?
Du ser ju inte MIG då!

Jag är inte det smartaste skaftet på denna jorden, det står jag för.
men jag vill lära mig och jag är villig att ändras hela tiden.
Visst vill vi väl alla uppfattas som smarta,
men att nedvärdera någon när man inte förstår är bara det värsta jag vet.
Det är väl bättre att hjälpa personen och inte försöka trycka ner denna i fråga?

Som de flesta lärare säger: "DET FINNS INGA DUMMA FRÅGOR"
BARA DUMMA SVAR!

Jag har varit en person som inte vill uppfattas som dum, för jag är inte dum.
Med tanke på att jag har en gång i tiden haft blondt hår ner till röven och stora kalas bomber till bröst så stämplar folk en som en idiot. Det e så jävla tragiskt!
Folk tittar inte på mig för den jag är. Inte många iaf.

Men jag e svår. Det säger dom. Det tar tid. Men när de väl insett, så akk så fel dom hade.
Jag var ju en riktig pingla. Men då har jag oftast tröttnat på att bli ett "andra hands val".
Sen att jag kanske inte vet allt om allting och alla områden här i livet,
det är inte så mycket jag kan göra åt saken mer än att lära mig eller försöka att förstå.
Det sista man då behöver är någon som driver med en.

Ja, jag valde att flippa ut i mina tonår och göra allt jag kunde göra.
Därutav inte mycket skola och sket i det mesta när jag kunde ha roligare med vänner!
Men sen är det ju också ens egen uppgift om man tar illa vid sig att berätta detta.
Visst kan man skämta om mycket här i livet,
jag är absolut inte den som är den som tar åt mig av minsta lilla.
Men det finns gränser. Man ska hålla sig till dom och man ska veta vart dom går.
Dom personerna som respekterar en och lyssnar på en,
men sedan ändrar uppfattning om en när man säger sin ålder är ju bara helt jävla ute och cyklar.

Vad i helvete har ålder med erfarenhet att göra?
Du kan ju vara 45 och bete dig som en 12 åring.
Samtidigt kan en 19 åring bete sig som 35!
Nä, ju mer erfarenhet du har av livet, desstu mer tror jag att man vet hur det är att leva.
I gott och i ont... Sen om man inte vet någonting om tex. politik eller vad för sorts färg en bajs har,
så tycker jag inte att det spelar någon roll.

Jag tycker att folk borde kunna öppna sina ögon och se varandra för dom vi är istället.
För vi är ju faktiskt ett och samma skrot och korn i botten.
Det handlar inte om ålder, vem som e smartare än den andre eller vem som är mest tränad.

Visst, vi är alla olika och har olika åsikter och har haft olika uppväxter etc.
Nä, folk kan vara snälla istället tycker jag!
Folk som är nedvärderande gillar jag inte.
It's just pisses me off.
Vi borde älska alla lite mer istället, för dom vi är.

Ja folk kanske kan tycka att detta är dubbelmoral av mig...
Jag vet verkligen inte hur jag ska uttrycka mig .... 
det kan ju låta fel från min sida kanske.

Nä nu ska jag hem till min lilla Annica och vräka av mig lite...
Puss och hej bananskal

I just woke up and the first thing I see on facebook is a
note made by Sri Swami Satchidananda.
Early morning notes is good for Lee Lee, waking up with an empty mind is nice.
It's a reminder not just for me, for everyone.

Question: I feel a strong desire to be a mother and part of a family unit,
yet I haven't met a man to begin this family with.
I sometimes become impatient and anxious, begin to lack faith and trust,
and feel pressured because of my age. Do you have any suggestions?

 

Sri Gurudev: God has a purpose for having you here,

but you may want to do something of your own.

If God really wanted you to get married and have a family, even if you didn't want it,

somebody would have come and kidnapped you.

Sometimes we want many things, but the Higher Will says, "It's not good for you.

I have not created you for that purpose." Or, "You are not ready for it."

You might say, "No, I am thirty-three. I am ready."

Well, to God maybe you are still a thirty-three month old baby.

You think you are ready but God still says no.

We sometimes think that we all should be doing the same thing.

That is not so. It is that Cosmic Consciousness,

which we call God, that created everything and everybody for a certain purpose.

The purpose need not be the same for everyone.

He functions through all the people to fulfill His cosmic mission.

Maybe you are supposed to do something without getting into family life.

By not accepting that, you are not fulfilling your duty as a single person;

neither are you getting into family life as you wanted.

So you are losing both. You are neither following God's Will, nor following your will.

You are revolting against God: "I don't want to be like that. I want to be like this."

And God is not allowing you to be the way you want.

When you don't want to be that and God doesn't want you to be this, it's a constant fight.

 

We all have some purpose to fulfill. You are unique in your place. Just be contented,

"God has created me for some purpose. Let me fulfill whatever it is.

Even if I don't know what I am doing."

If you ask God, He will say, "I have a purpose for you. Just wait.

I don't need to be using everybody, every day, all the time." So just be contented.

If God wants a grandson, He will certainly send some nice fellow to you.

He will send you whatever you need to fulfill that purpose.

 

OM Shanti, Shanti, Shanti

 

The thought have hitted me before that this is a really big challenge for me.
Being a masseuse, I think it's harder then everyone think.
I know myself and what  thought about it before.
"Ah, it can't be that hard, what a nice and easy job".

But think like this....
Touching someone else, there is something special with it.
Or at least, that's what I think.
For me, it's always been like that. You don't want to touch everyone.
Touching is personal.
Touching is so much energy and flow. Very special.

Of course you can't say no to a hot and good looking guy or girl.
But what if there is an old wrinkly man with sore on his ass?
That's a different story right?
And when it comes to "old friends" and people you've dated.
By that I mean the dissaster dates you've had.

Is that okey?
If I think and act with my heart, I would never do it.
But this is going to be something I work with,
so I have to act professional and think that this is a costumer of mine and "think money".
And if I some day get a boyfriend, this can't be in the way.
The man have to trust me! :)

For many years I've had troubles myself with other people touching me.
Today there is no problem but challenges all the time.
And I still have to say that J. is my favorite to massage!

Sometimes I understand another person but in the same time I can't understand them.

It's weird when it happens. And sometimes I listen, but I can not hear.

This is when I'm not in balance. I'm in my ego mind.

(Talking to myself – Lalalalalalalala)

 

Talking about being on different levels. The connection.

But the question is just... when do you know that you are on the same level?

I think that you just know. Or you just feel as I prefer to say.

The feeling of the energy tells me more and not knowing with the mind.

And the womans intution is almost always right! :)

The mind play tricks all the time.

Sometimes you know something without knowing it.

And you also create your own reality without seeing some things.

But when you have the answers in front of your face and can see things

from someone else eyes or perspective things become more clear,

and then you have the understanding in another way.

 

What I am talking about is something that you can not talk to any “normal” person about.

Because if you do, they maybe will not understand you and then they
will think that you are weird, pretty lost or been smoking too much weed or something.
But what if it's them? Who are lost?

That's why I am such a smart ass and write it instead so the whole world can read it haha.

Well, I don't care!

My closest friends understand me because they are pretty much the same as I am.

I choose my friends very very wisely today. With love.

If there is no connection, there is no need for me to build up a relation.

Then I have “new friends” that not really know me that well (yet).

The time will tell if these new friends are the

one who understands me or the one who think I am weird.

 

But aren't we all weird in one way or another?

If you only knew what was going on inside of my brain, you would be amazed!

I had an interesting conversation today and it was practically what I suspected it to be like.

But it all went well anyway.

 

Sometimes you meet people in your life that can turn it upside down.

It feels like you have no where to go or don't

know what to do and then you just want to give up.

But, NEVER give up! NEVER!

 

In the bad times I've had lately, the good things showed up in front of my face.

Just like that. The only thing you have to do is SEE them!

Don't miss them.

I also have to say (again) that the connection with some

people that I've met in my life, I think it was ment to be.

Some of those people I've met before. In another life time.

How do you explain that? How do you describe that feeling?

When you can't explain and you don't know how?

You just know.

But is it the right time? Who knows?

The only thing is that time will tell....

 

I have to open up to the world now and write this....

But I fell in love with a guy before I even met him.

And when I met him the first time, it felt like I've knowned him for a decade.

And in another life. Like my missing puzzle piece.

I don't know what he did to me, but he sure did something.

This have never ever happened to me before and I can not explain it.

I also have no idea what I am going to do about it....Since he made me totally lost!

I am never nervous, but as soon as he is around I'm literally shaking!

I feel like a little kid and I've never been so shy in my entire life.

 

So this is when I want feedback from someone and I question all this....

Can it seriously be like this? And how? Why?

I am just a normal human being... lost in translation. So, tell me...

Am I just making up stuff in my mind again or is it for real?

When do you know? HELP ME OUT OVER HERE GOD DAMN IT!

Last night I was suppose to set my alarm to 06.00 am.
To do laundry at 07.00....
But the feeling of being sick and having a migrain (first time in many many months)
made me NOT to set any alarm at all this morning.
The laundry can wait!

This was the first morning in a really long time I didn't wake up to a alarm at all.
And you know what? I feel absolutely perfect!
I woke up without stress and I told myself that these things can wait.
I'm no longer in any hurry... Good huh?

Yesterdays thoughts and conversation came back to me
and the first thing I thought about in the morning was
that I am pretty tired of being around superficial people.
I am glad that I can talk normal with some people, people that can understand me too.

And what I want and what I need is something deeper.
That is what life is all about, right?
I was holding that thought when I turned on the computer.
And the weirdest thing showed up on facebook.
A comment on someones status, and if I translate it it will say:
"Life is on the depth, not on the surface".
But the Swedish is sometimes hard to translate when it comes to the words.
It is suppose to be something like this : "Life is deep, not superficial".

It's weird that it's the first thing I see, while having all the same thoughts in my head.
A big smile is on my face and I can't do anything else then agree!

I love strong people that can stand out, be themselves without taking anything.
People that can support themselves, and try to support others in the same time.
(Not every day though, we all know that we need space too)
But people that can open up to others, be honest, and say what's on their mind.

I also like people who doesn't try to live in the past.
Easier said then done. I'm trying my best.
I am absolutely not the best.
But I know for sure that MEN have more problem with this then women.
I would like to say this to many men: "GET OVER IT"

Don't regret, don't forget but move on.
Once you've closed that door, another door will be open for you.
Maybe you just need to open your eyes and see what's in front of you.....?
Be satisfied with those little things that you have.
Maybe you realize that maybe THAT is the best for you,
instead of searching and waiting for something else?

Everything happens for a reason. If a person leaves you, it was ment to be.
You can not change that.

I watched a movie the other day, he said:
- If you love someone, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's love.
One thing is for sure, I've surrenderd!

But from now on, no superficial.... I like it deep and nothing else.



Have a good day!

I didn't realize it was that easy to loose balance.
Well, it's easy to get back up again, but it takes alot of efford.
Every day is up & down... You maybe already get me at this point because I've said it before.
And I will probably say it again.... and again....

But how others affect you with their energy is crazy.
And when I don't get time to do my exercise or daily "feel good" things,
I get stressed and my brain just gets overloaded
and sometimes it feels like my head will expload.

Sometimes the "old Lee" comes back with a negative mind and "feel sorry for myself".
That's just when you need comfort and a bit of help or support.
But when there is no one to help, it just won't do.
Not more then to get away at the moment, trying to relax and deal with it later.

Some people affect you more then others.
And how your brain and food can control everything around yourself is also pretty nuts.
But it's interesting, interesting to feel like shit.

I affected a friend today. Not on purpose though.
I felt a bit better, at the moment but when I got home it got worse again.
Energy... Jeez...

SYSTEM OVERLOAD!

I've got a migrain... And I can't eat!
All I've been eating is ice-cream and fruits for dinner.
But that was all I could eat. I feel so sick.
And I can't sleep.

Something is seriously really wrong...
I've also been having weird dreams about someone lately.
The mystery man in my dreams is back,
and I'm starting to think that he actually is a boogy man.
I sense that something is up.... If I just could figure out what.



It's time for bed....
Love you all

WHEN do you know that you are crazy?
Do you ever KNOW that you are insane, if you are?
And HOW do you know it?

Sometimes I think I'm crazy.
But what IS crazy? And what is normal?
Is anyone normal?

I'm loosing my mind sometimes. Doesn't everyone sometimes?
When the mind play tricks on you but you don't know it.
But when you realize it, it's too late.

The brain is more powerful then you ever could imagine.
You can do anything when you understand it.
But it's a powerful tool that can take years of practise.
And sometimes a lifetime isn't enough.

The more you know, the more you realize that you DON'T KNOW!
How much information can you have in your brain?

Sometimes I wonder if everything was a dream.
Is he real or is he not? Is he alive? Where is he?
What is he doing and is he okey?
There is NO traces from this person.
Does he even exist? What is real and what is not?
Maybe I am living in a dream now instead of before?
AM I INSANE after all?

Or maybe he just made me insane in the fucking brain?

It's time for the bed. I have 5 hours of sleep before I will go up and work.
YAY! But it have been a great day and night anyway.

Sleep tight everyone.

How it would have looked like if I met him now.

Couple of years ago I met a man....
This is the only real MAN I've met... in a looooong time!
Confident, handsome and he had a strong and smart mind.
But he was too good to be true for me.
And yes he was, I was out of his league, THEN.

But everything that he said to me THEN, I understand NOW.
And I feel so stupid NOW, when I finally understand everything that he said.
When I built up myself again, I look back and I see the cracks I had, just as he did.

But it wasn't ment to be, and we both knew it even if we tried.
We were soooooo different.
Not my type of guy normally, but he had something.
While I was just a lost soul who were drinking too much.

He was only there to guide me. :) Guide me back on the right path again...
And he made me wake up for a while and think.
I was just on my way up then, and on my way on a life long journey!

I am glad that I met this guy and I wonder how he is.
We live in the same town, but I haven't seen him for almost 2 years now this autum.
I think about him often actually, and "what if I bump into him" thoughts...
I want to see him and only say an innocent HELLO.
Nothing more.

It was one of the most intensed and active month I've had for years.
My friends called me and they didn't know where I was.
(And that, my friends - have never happend before)
But that month I will remember for a long time, even if it didn't last longer then that.
He came into my life, were a very good teacher (in everything haha).
Said some good words to me and he left.

Or at least, that's what it felt like...
I know that he is happy now, he got what he wanted out of me as well.
But if I could see his face one more time, this would just make my day.

He took my breath away...
A complete stranger.

And IF IF IF you read this, you know who you are MR K!

Yesterday I went from a "BLOND/BRUNETTISH" to a DARK BRUNETTE.
Again.
We'll see how long the color last this time.
And I cut my bang/fringe again as well. I couldn't wait any longer.
I like bangs too much... On myself anyway ;)
And since it's autum in Sweden now,
my blond hair doesn't match as much as being a brunette does! ;)



And since it's autum time, it's more TEA TIME!
And if it's tea time, I bought 6 new cups on my job - Lagerhaus!
Sale of course, and aren't they cute??



A nice lunch with BAKED POTATOE! :D
And a really nice autum day in the sun with my beautiful friend My.



And my yummy breakfast :D

It's also time for me to go back to school.
I decided .. or well, not really really yet but I will go to
INFOTEKET tomorrow and look what they have, for me!
But I know what I want to do, and I want to start now and it's time NOW!
But I don't know where to start, cuz I want to do alot of stuff...
I just have to think smart...
But my only problem like always is money,
so I guess I have to take a "study-loan" for this study to survive....?
I will make it and I will make it big time. I'm on fire!

I will update more tomorrow. And a trip to San Francisco is also in my plans.
For a week, sale on tickets. Well well... Time for bed. Update tomorrow.

C YAAAAA... Love peace and some more love

"Your thoughts create your reality."

- Yeah, but how? You may ask.

That's why I want you to watch the video below.

It gives you a very cool scientific approach

(quantum physics that is!) to explaining the power of thought.

Find out how the mind can influence the behavior of subatomic particles

and physical matter and let me know what your comments are.

As I've said before, I think that everything happens for a reason.
I think that you will attract people that are more like yourself.

But be careful what you wish for.
Ask for it and it will be given.

I don't know how many times I've done this in life,
but no matter what - sooner or later I get it.
And I am happy with where I am today, even if I've been lost in the forrest for a while.
But like I've said, be careful. Think first, act later.
You know yourself deep within and what's best for you!

If you are happy, you will meet happy people.
If you are depressed, you will meet depressed people.
You meet people that reflect yourself in a way.

Since I started to think differently and live with more love and no fears,
I learned to open up to others and the result is amazing!
But it also took me years of practise and understanding.
I am so thankful for all the help I've got and all the friends that supported me,
when I needed it.
And I am still so thankful for the man I won't mention by name in my blog,
that helped me change my life with supporting me with the Yoga!

Not long ago (couple of weeks) I discussed with my dear
friend (and wife) Annica about humanity and just people in general.
I mentioned what I wanted and needed in my life to feel good.
But what I need is very hard to find here and I told Annica that I started to loose hope.
Since it have been hard to come home to old and bad habits and friendships.
I had no idea how to act or what to do....

But I know myself and I will never loose any hope because I know that somewhere out there,
maybe just around the corner of my street, my hope is walking around maybe looking for me?

I've been home for 3 months now and about 2 weeks ago I almost hitted the wall again.
Until I met someone that were exactly like this person
that I've been looking for, that me and Annica talked about.
I am not talking about searching for a boyfriend or anything like that.
(If that love comes, it comes. I want it to come to me because I am too tired of looking for it)

But I talk about the type of energy that I need to be surrounded by to feel good and happy.
And I got it served on a silver spoon.
He practically walked into my life and gave me power and
energy again to kick myself in the ass again.
So since that day, I've been sober from everything that can numb my strong feelings.
I want to be present, I want to live and I want to experience life to the full.

Without saying a word to me, give me any lectures or any attention in that way I am used to,
I sat there and listened to this person, being himself and just talked.
A very STRONG, positive, beautiful and special person.

I told Annica about this person yesterday.
She looks at me and said:
-  Lee...... This is exactly what you need.
And it sounds like that he is what you've been asking
for since the last time we talked about this.

Without knowing it or realizing it, it is true!
And that is why I am writing this blogpost about it today.
"ASK FOR IT AND IT WILL BE GIVEN".

And I don't even know this person. Yet.
But I am looking forward to get to know him better.
This is a person I need in my life at the moment.
And I think that I need all the positivity and energy to relax and center myself again! :)

I respect strong people alot!

Peace out!

Sometimes you connect stronger with some people then others.
For whole my life I've been really scared of opening up to certain people I don't know.
I want to be anonymous with my private life and for many years
I've played a roll to distract people from the real me.
Of course I don't open up right away, I take time.
But in the same time I learned to relax and talk to strangers.
Strangers I barely know, and this helps me bound more with the people I talk to as well.
Something in common.
Since I am a very deep and spirituell person,
I got to feel some sort of connection from someone who understands me.
But there are not many people I've met who understands me.

I am glad that I could talk to someone that listened to me yesterday.
It ment more for me that he will never know.
I really can't explain with words how it was and not to confuse or say to much about it.
But I recognized the feeling from somewhere else.
When I woke up, I had a text from the one I recognized the connection from.
It came as a shock to me, but in the same time I was glad.
But it was just a spooky moment, like it was something deeper with it.

If you guys don't understand what I am talking about.
Ask me. Because this is hard to explain.
I just needed to write it down and let it out from my body.

I go where the wind may take me now.
I am lost...... in translation....

Since I was a kid I've always been interested in dreams.
How we dream and how we can control it and what happens to you.
I sometimes dream those dreams that come true after a while.
Places I visit that I have no idea where they are
and when I go to the other side of the world, I visit those places.
And people I meet.

It's those things you can't explain to people what it going on.
I talked about this with a Yoga teacher in Thailand,
because we talked about LUCID DREAMING alot.
She have never met someone who had experienced something like I've done before.
It's like a déjavú, but in the same time not.
It's very hard to explain.

Since I watched INCEPTION last night, somehow I could control my dreams last night.
Except when it comes to one thing, and that is the "MAN IN MY DREAMS".
He is like my boogie man, but he is kind.
But he does things to hurt my feelings.
I wake up heartbroken every time I dream of him,
so in the end I don't really like the dreams even if I do.
It was the same in real life so I guess that's why.

But when I met him in real life, felt like a dream as well.
Sometimes I even have to stop and think about it and be sure it wasn't a dream.
Maybe he is just the man in my dream?
He have been there for over a year.
The dreams I have with him seems so real, so different and so many feelings.
He disapairs on and off, but he always comes back to me sooner or later.
Kind of with normal men haha.

I don't want him to be in my dreams anymore,
but in the same time this is my only time with him now.
And in my dreams I get so satisfied just to look at him, touch him, talk to him etc.
So I barely know what I'm doing in the dream and what it's about anymore.

In my dream today I looked at his neck and his hair.
And his bare tanned back.
The only thing I wanted to do was to touch it.
But I couldn't....



Will he stay or will he go?
Will I let him go?
Why is he still there?
Will he come back?
I am heartbroken from a dream.
Waking up with a tear in my eye.
How is that possible? It's not real.
Or is it?

Deep within I wish that I will never stop dream about him.
That's the only connection I have left.
Is it anyone who feels the same way I do?
Or have any stories like this?

SHARE IT with me....I want to know more about this !!!

By own experience to expression "YOU CREATE YOUR OWN WORLD" is perfect.

Because if you want to be happy,

you can be happy and everyone else around you is happy as well.

You choose yourself how you are going to create your world.

It works the other way around as well so it makes perfect sense!

 

I love to ride my bike.

Because when I ride my bike I clear my thoughts and I love to live.

Or live to love.

 

For me it's therapy and the feeling I've got is priceless.

I enjoy every single moment of it and everything around me.

I am living a damn good life and I can't complain one second..

I'm also glad to have those people around me in my life that I have at the moment.

Good moments that I am going to bring with me for a long time.

And of course when you share good moments, it's always good to share it with someone else.

Then you can remember it together and bring a thing with you for years.

 

I remember when I was in Asia and I missed the summers at home.

Because I always appreciated the summers more (since I'm Swedish).

I felt lonely there and needed the comfort that I have here.

Specially from my friends at home. My place. My spot.

 

And by that I miss:

When you can call a friend in the middle of the night and ask

if you are going to take a ride together somewhere.

Throw your bikes on the grass and just lay down and talk about the world.

Or just stop somewhere and BE. Live the day like there was no tomorrow!

Bike rides when you just ride and maybe have some music with you.

You end up at a random place every time, just where it looks good at the moment.

And in that moment you realize that your friends means more to you then you knew.

Because every new spot you visit is better then the other.

And you don't even have to talk to each other during the ride because

you are so comfortable with yourself so you don't care.

 

In your head you take the moment with you as a picture you can look at and remember.

It's those small small moments you miss when you're not there.

And you know what a kick ass feeling it is what you've got at home.

 

Or if you take the bike down on empty streets in the middle of the night,

and the only person who is out is the cops haha.

The feeling that you can always hang out with anyone and do what ever you feel like doing.

A feeling of freedom and the only one to decide is yourself.

The feeling of when you have been to the club and bring your date or friends over

to take a swim in the sea in the morning sun.

You always bring your sunglasses with you when you go out and party

because the sun goes up way to early.

 

And you can do what ever you feel like doing with anyone

without having anyone that cares about it!

 

I enjoy my life to the full.