Finding the balance
Too much of a self-centered attitude creates mistrust and suspicion in others,
which can in turn lead to fear. But if you have more of an open mind,
and you cultivate a sense of concern for others' well-being,
then, no matter what others' attitudes are, you can keep your inner peace.
Thanx for your wise words Dalai Lama!
Many of you guys know that my mood is very up and very down.
Specially lately.
I just have to control it and find the balance.
I'm starting over again.
The problem with me is that I put too many things on my back.
Finally the cup is too full and I loose it all. again.
Typical an aquarius.
I don't really know if the english word is correct but
"performance anxiety"(?) is a good word for me at the moment.
(Prestations ångest) I overthink and sometimes I over do.
After school on saturday I poured myself a glass of wine.
Yepp, first alcohol on almost 4 months...
The "don't worry, about a thing cuz every little thing is going to be allright"
Bob Marley talk made sense and it was like a big whiff(?) .
I could breath again and I feel more positive now. Crazy!
I don't regret that I drank the whole bottle either.
It was really good red wine - Opal spring!
I felt no difference. A little bit drunk but in a very good way!
I was still the same. Still Lee Lee!
Just more happy :D
Didn't do or say anything I regret so I'm very satisfied with the night.
I had alot of fun too. I found myself a dance partner on Swing Inn!
And damn, we had fun. Just like the once who dance in the comedy movies.
Lifted me up and swang me around over the whole dancefloor.
In a goofy way. But I smiled the whole time!
Bumped into everyone else and kicked them too.
It was inspiring, fun and so much empathy into the dance.
We ruled the dancefloor so much. Then we went separated ways!
But it totally made my night.
I made some good coices about alot of things lately.
People who takes my energy in a bad way is not necesairy to keep.
I'll rather be respected and loved and not have any more knifes in my back.
And everything is happening for a reason. It's always like that.
It's just to face it.
But the question is, will I make another hard decision now or will I wait?
Time will tell... And we'll see what's happening.
It's better this way. I have to keep my energy on myself and my future at the moment.
And the god damn study, which I have a hard time with... I think anyway!
And why waist it on someone who can't give you some energy back?
Naaaah...
Later dudes
which can in turn lead to fear. But if you have more of an open mind,
and you cultivate a sense of concern for others' well-being,
then, no matter what others' attitudes are, you can keep your inner peace.
Thanx for your wise words Dalai Lama!
Many of you guys know that my mood is very up and very down.
Specially lately.
I just have to control it and find the balance.
I'm starting over again.
The problem with me is that I put too many things on my back.
Finally the cup is too full and I loose it all. again.
Typical an aquarius.
I don't really know if the english word is correct but
"performance anxiety"(?) is a good word for me at the moment.
(Prestations ångest) I overthink and sometimes I over do.
After school on saturday I poured myself a glass of wine.
Yepp, first alcohol on almost 4 months...
The "don't worry, about a thing cuz every little thing is going to be allright"
Bob Marley talk made sense and it was like a big whiff(?) .
I could breath again and I feel more positive now. Crazy!
I don't regret that I drank the whole bottle either.
It was really good red wine - Opal spring!
I felt no difference. A little bit drunk but in a very good way!
I was still the same. Still Lee Lee!
Just more happy :D
Didn't do or say anything I regret so I'm very satisfied with the night.
I had alot of fun too. I found myself a dance partner on Swing Inn!
And damn, we had fun. Just like the once who dance in the comedy movies.
Lifted me up and swang me around over the whole dancefloor.
In a goofy way. But I smiled the whole time!
Bumped into everyone else and kicked them too.
It was inspiring, fun and so much empathy into the dance.
We ruled the dancefloor so much. Then we went separated ways!
But it totally made my night.
I made some good coices about alot of things lately.
People who takes my energy in a bad way is not necesairy to keep.
I'll rather be respected and loved and not have any more knifes in my back.
And everything is happening for a reason. It's always like that.
It's just to face it.
But the question is, will I make another hard decision now or will I wait?
Time will tell... And we'll see what's happening.
It's better this way. I have to keep my energy on myself and my future at the moment.
And the god damn study, which I have a hard time with... I think anyway!
And why waist it on someone who can't give you some energy back?
Naaaah...
Later dudes
Empty
Today I had a great friday night. I wanted to have christmas joy.
While we made gingerbreads, saffron buns,
and were drinking mulled wine (alcohol free).....
Everything I could think of was this "situation" and whats have been said earlier that day.
I don't know what to think about human beings anymore.
Nothing surprises me any longer but there is just no end to this.
WHERE DO YOU CROSS THE LINE?
But the most important question - DO YOU KNOW when you cross it??
Do you know what you are draging other people into?
Do you know what you do to other people and make them suffer?
I DON'T THINK SO!
I shut of all my feelings. Isn't it what people want me to do?
Be totally careless and feel nothing? Talk to a wall. An empty shell.
Like I've been for years. Going back to the same old Lee as once before?
I tried to smile and be happy the whole night, but it just didn't work.
I sailed away with my mind to somewhere else, where I could be free.
Where I could be peaceful and lonely and dream of chocolate hills and fluffy bunnys.
My friends asked me all the time: Are you tired?
No.. Just quiet...
I think I picked the wrong day to have christmas joy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To something else...
We went to Siciliana and had pizza.
Across the table, 3 men were sitting and drinking beer.
One of them had the same face as "him".
Same eyes, same lips and it was just same same but different.
The only thing I wanted to do was to walk over there and touch his face.
We got eye contact couple of times.
I noticed that I was staring a little bit too much.
And he noticed it as well, but he smiled back at me.
Even if I moved on it was a bit hard for me. It still hurts.
I still miss him. I still wish he was close.(r).
The only thing I want to do now is to get drunk...
Drunk as f*ck. Lucky me that I have school tomorrow.
Otherwise I would be totally smashed at the moment.
No, I don't think I would, but I really wanted to.
Almost 4 months now :D
Well.... It's time for bed.
While we made gingerbreads, saffron buns,
and were drinking mulled wine (alcohol free).....
Everything I could think of was this "situation" and whats have been said earlier that day.
I don't know what to think about human beings anymore.
Nothing surprises me any longer but there is just no end to this.
WHERE DO YOU CROSS THE LINE?
But the most important question - DO YOU KNOW when you cross it??
Do you know what you are draging other people into?
Do you know what you do to other people and make them suffer?
I DON'T THINK SO!
I shut of all my feelings. Isn't it what people want me to do?
Be totally careless and feel nothing? Talk to a wall. An empty shell.
Like I've been for years. Going back to the same old Lee as once before?
I tried to smile and be happy the whole night, but it just didn't work.
I sailed away with my mind to somewhere else, where I could be free.
Where I could be peaceful and lonely and dream of chocolate hills and fluffy bunnys.
My friends asked me all the time: Are you tired?
No.. Just quiet...
I think I picked the wrong day to have christmas joy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To something else...
We went to Siciliana and had pizza.
Across the table, 3 men were sitting and drinking beer.
One of them had the same face as "him".
Same eyes, same lips and it was just same same but different.
The only thing I wanted to do was to walk over there and touch his face.
We got eye contact couple of times.
I noticed that I was staring a little bit too much.
And he noticed it as well, but he smiled back at me.
Even if I moved on it was a bit hard for me. It still hurts.
I still miss him. I still wish he was close.(r).
The only thing I want to do now is to get drunk...
Drunk as f*ck. Lucky me that I have school tomorrow.
Otherwise I would be totally smashed at the moment.
No, I don't think I would, but I really wanted to.
Almost 4 months now :D
Well.... It's time for bed.
I'm happy....
Because Annica gave me a pair of jeans when I moved out.
And they fit proper now. Size 28.
I can't imagine today that I've been a size 33!
But I liked my ass anyway. And my boobs too!
Yesterday I went for a coffee in town with my "wife".
Imagine when you are poor and can't go for "fika" in town for a long while.
Then suddenly the "fika moments" are precious and nice!
And go into town as well....
She went with me to get lenses.
Yes, I can't hide my beautiful eyes anymore! :)
I need more options. Mix between glases and lenses.
And the woman inside the store was very very kind and nice so of course I bought from her.
I sure do like nice and positive people!
It was very nice to spend a little bit of time with Annica yesterday.
And then go for sushi, meet up Jenny for a while.
And then go to Espresso House and meet "naked Johan" as we call him.
Then I moved on to meet Lina.
Lina and her friend Jenny made some dinner.
And I was right on time. Reeeeeally yummy :)
She is a nice and wonderful girl.
And something that hitted me is that she is a very strong girl.
I like that. Maybe that's why I've been "afraid" of her earlier in life...
Now I just see it as something very powerful and good.
So, Lina if you read this - you know that I've always liked you! :)
Tonight I will go to a medium called Benny Rosenqvist with my mum.
That's a long story, I will tell it in another blog post.
I don't know what's waiting tonight, we'll see.
It's going to be very interesting anyway.
C YA'LL!!
And they fit proper now. Size 28.
I can't imagine today that I've been a size 33!
But I liked my ass anyway. And my boobs too!
Yesterday I went for a coffee in town with my "wife".
Imagine when you are poor and can't go for "fika" in town for a long while.
Then suddenly the "fika moments" are precious and nice!
And go into town as well....
She went with me to get lenses.
Yes, I can't hide my beautiful eyes anymore! :)
I need more options. Mix between glases and lenses.
And the woman inside the store was very very kind and nice so of course I bought from her.
I sure do like nice and positive people!
It was very nice to spend a little bit of time with Annica yesterday.
And then go for sushi, meet up Jenny for a while.
And then go to Espresso House and meet "naked Johan" as we call him.
Then I moved on to meet Lina.
Lina and her friend Jenny made some dinner.
And I was right on time. Reeeeeally yummy :)
She is a nice and wonderful girl.
And something that hitted me is that she is a very strong girl.
I like that. Maybe that's why I've been "afraid" of her earlier in life...
Now I just see it as something very powerful and good.
So, Lina if you read this - you know that I've always liked you! :)
Tonight I will go to a medium called Benny Rosenqvist with my mum.
That's a long story, I will tell it in another blog post.
I don't know what's waiting tonight, we'll see.
It's going to be very interesting anyway.
C YA'LL!!
"When I was young...."
I want to do alot of stuff. I have a goal.
I have many goals. Maybe too many?
I want to attract the happier people. And who are they...??
Well, we have children and animals as I've said earlier.
And then we have the elders. The Oldies, but the goldies!
Well, not all of them are happy but many of them are.
They turn so old and realize that they have not so much left to loose,
so why be sad or negative? I think they have experienced it all in life.
Don't worry be happy as they say!
How fun wouldn't it be to sit and listen to their stories all day long?
The "WHEN I WAS YOUNG" talk.
Listen to stories and learn more about life and listen to what they have been through.
I think my grand daddy would have alot of stories if he were alive today.
I also have to say that I am really happy to have
such good feedback when it comes to support.
The kind of support you need when you are down and feel small.
Like a little drop of water in the ocean.
Imagine how much a comment from a total stranger can do to you.
Who ever you are, I am greatful and thankful for your words.
It means alot to me. And what you say is true.
Actually, all of this I know but I just loose it sometimes when I have a bad day.
But I let it come to me, I explore it and feel it.
Alot of love to you "stranger".
"Jag känner inte dig, men har halkat in på din blogg sedan några månader tillbaka.
kan inte sluta följa dig i livet.kanske för att jag känner igen mig i dig.
Jag vet inte vad du gått igenom i livet men jag förstår att det inte varit lätt att ta sig dit där du är!
Visst är det så jävla jobbigt när känslor och minnen från förr kommer tillbaks.
eller när man blir så där osäker och liten. Se på dig själv!
du är stark!!jag är övertygad om att Alla ser dig som stark det syns i dina ögon!
Kanske blir människor rädda för att de är så svaga osäkra själva när de träffar dig.
Se var du är nu, vart du kommit!!! allt i från viktern till lägenhet utbildning.
Du har säkert ett mål ;) Jag tror att du vet själv att du kommer att lyckas och ta dig dit!
Vägen dit är aldrig spik rak, man hamnar i svackor och möts av nya utmaningar hela tiden,
men jag vet att du kommer att lyckas!!
Låt inte andras svagheter eller osäkerhet påvärka din lycka och dit välbefinnande!
Du vet att du är stark Lee :) Kram från mig"
2010-11-10 @ 18:31:18
Also from Tommy: "Du klarar dig Lee, du är fasen den hårdaste jag vet! Kram kram"
And Hans:" Du Lee! Det är en styrka att kunna visa att man är svag! Kram!
Det jag ser här är att du har MASSOR av vänner Lee.
Från hela världen! Du måste stanna upp o känna all värme du får från alla!"
And of course this is not all. I'm glad I have friends.
I am greatful to at least hear / read things like this. It gives me good energy and hope.
But I still have to say "ENSAM ÄR STARK" (Alone is strong)
I'm still in no need of more friends cuz I still don't want to hurt or be hurted.
I have myself in focus.
I will take a step back from now on and if they who calls themself my friend,
really want to be my friend, they have to show it to me.
Because I trust no one.
So, back to the work talk instead...
What do I do later? First of all, I have to finish my study as a masseuse.
I've allready got costumers. And all of them have been really satisfied!
That makes me really happy too! :)
Sabina just talked her boss over and probably I will get more them 20 new costumers!
This is freaking nice, cuz this is just what I need at the moment. - CASH!
I have my first test next weekend.
Not big, but the word TEST frightens me alot.
And then? When I've got the economy again....
Yoga teacher in India, Thailand or Israel.
India is the goal. Thai massage would be nice to learn as well.
Talking about Thailand....
My package have arrived from Thailand now. I hope to pick it up in the weekend.
I can't even remember what it was in it, that I'd send home. Crazy!
(I sendt it in february haha)
I went for the Yoga this morning, first morning class in a while.
Felt good to be on Daniels class again,
but I was also satisfied with the Vinyasa on the afternoon. (More asanas and exercise)
Today I'm stronger then I were yesterday, but sometimes it all just comes at once.
Like a bomb! Bang Bang!
And those days when you feel like a drop
in the ocean can change and suddenly you ARE the ocean!
I just have to work to find the balance. Yes yes, I know - more Yoga and meditation.
I also have to say that I suck at taking pictures.
I'm just way to lazy. and maybe a boring blog without picture, I know...
Or is it ust me who likes to look at pictures? :P
I have many goals. Maybe too many?
I want to attract the happier people. And who are they...??
Well, we have children and animals as I've said earlier.
And then we have the elders. The Oldies, but the goldies!
Well, not all of them are happy but many of them are.
They turn so old and realize that they have not so much left to loose,
so why be sad or negative? I think they have experienced it all in life.
Don't worry be happy as they say!
How fun wouldn't it be to sit and listen to their stories all day long?
The "WHEN I WAS YOUNG" talk.
Listen to stories and learn more about life and listen to what they have been through.
I think my grand daddy would have alot of stories if he were alive today.
I also have to say that I am really happy to have
such good feedback when it comes to support.
The kind of support you need when you are down and feel small.
Like a little drop of water in the ocean.
Imagine how much a comment from a total stranger can do to you.
Who ever you are, I am greatful and thankful for your words.
It means alot to me. And what you say is true.
Actually, all of this I know but I just loose it sometimes when I have a bad day.
But I let it come to me, I explore it and feel it.
Alot of love to you "stranger".
"Jag känner inte dig, men har halkat in på din blogg sedan några månader tillbaka.
kan inte sluta följa dig i livet.kanske för att jag känner igen mig i dig.
Jag vet inte vad du gått igenom i livet men jag förstår att det inte varit lätt att ta sig dit där du är!
Visst är det så jävla jobbigt när känslor och minnen från förr kommer tillbaks.
eller när man blir så där osäker och liten. Se på dig själv!
du är stark!!jag är övertygad om att Alla ser dig som stark det syns i dina ögon!
Kanske blir människor rädda för att de är så svaga osäkra själva när de träffar dig.
Se var du är nu, vart du kommit!!! allt i från viktern till lägenhet utbildning.
Du har säkert ett mål ;) Jag tror att du vet själv att du kommer att lyckas och ta dig dit!
Vägen dit är aldrig spik rak, man hamnar i svackor och möts av nya utmaningar hela tiden,
men jag vet att du kommer att lyckas!!
Låt inte andras svagheter eller osäkerhet påvärka din lycka och dit välbefinnande!
Du vet att du är stark Lee :) Kram från mig"
2010-11-10 @ 18:31:18
Also from Tommy: "Du klarar dig Lee, du är fasen den hårdaste jag vet! Kram kram"
And Hans:" Du Lee! Det är en styrka att kunna visa att man är svag! Kram!
Det jag ser här är att du har MASSOR av vänner Lee.
Från hela världen! Du måste stanna upp o känna all värme du får från alla!"
And of course this is not all. I'm glad I have friends.
I am greatful to at least hear / read things like this. It gives me good energy and hope.
But I still have to say "ENSAM ÄR STARK" (Alone is strong)
I'm still in no need of more friends cuz I still don't want to hurt or be hurted.
I have myself in focus.
I will take a step back from now on and if they who calls themself my friend,
really want to be my friend, they have to show it to me.
Because I trust no one.
So, back to the work talk instead...
What do I do later? First of all, I have to finish my study as a masseuse.
I've allready got costumers. And all of them have been really satisfied!
That makes me really happy too! :)
Sabina just talked her boss over and probably I will get more them 20 new costumers!
This is freaking nice, cuz this is just what I need at the moment. - CASH!
I have my first test next weekend.
Not big, but the word TEST frightens me alot.
And then? When I've got the economy again....
Yoga teacher in India, Thailand or Israel.
India is the goal. Thai massage would be nice to learn as well.
Talking about Thailand....
My package have arrived from Thailand now. I hope to pick it up in the weekend.
I can't even remember what it was in it, that I'd send home. Crazy!
(I sendt it in february haha)
I went for the Yoga this morning, first morning class in a while.
Felt good to be on Daniels class again,
but I was also satisfied with the Vinyasa on the afternoon. (More asanas and exercise)
Today I'm stronger then I were yesterday, but sometimes it all just comes at once.
Like a bomb! Bang Bang!
And those days when you feel like a drop
in the ocean can change and suddenly you ARE the ocean!
I just have to work to find the balance. Yes yes, I know - more Yoga and meditation.
I also have to say that I suck at taking pictures.
I'm just way to lazy. and maybe a boring blog without picture, I know...
Or is it ust me who likes to look at pictures? :P
UpsideDownInsideOut
Today is "one of those days" when I don't know if I should cry or laugh.
I have so much inside of me that just want to come out now, but I just don't know how to speak.
But it feels like I have nothing left to loose.
And if I loose, it was not for real from the beginning.
I decided to keep my calm inside and don't worry though.
Everything is going to be allright. Sooner or later.
Again I fear the fear....
And when I should focus on my massage with costumers, that's what I do.
My private issues have to wait.
I don't wreck my day for anything.
I had my first 2 costumers today. Tess and Elin.
Very good and nice feedback as well :)
Tomorrow it's time for Johan, Tess brother!
It's crazy how much I love to do this.
I really burn for this. And I learn more and more every time.
Lucky me that had Elin and "talk to" during dinner as well.
Feedback and support from a friend is always nice.
And Elin is a smart and strong girl even if I've always seen her as "my little Elin".
The youngest mother of us all, but yet not a mother! ;)
Broccoli soup with crisp bread it was. Yum yum.
Since it was a dark and rainy weather, Elin decided soup was the best.
I agreed :)
I have to study more. Study and study haaaaard!!
But now it's time for bed, and then it's time for Yoga tomorrow.
But not the morning class, it have to be at 12 because the first class starts in 4 hours,
and I haven't even gone to bed yet. Jeeez...
It's time for bed.
And no matter what happens, I will hide you in a big place inside of my <3
I have so much inside of me that just want to come out now, but I just don't know how to speak.
But it feels like I have nothing left to loose.
And if I loose, it was not for real from the beginning.
I decided to keep my calm inside and don't worry though.
Everything is going to be allright. Sooner or later.
Again I fear the fear....
And when I should focus on my massage with costumers, that's what I do.
My private issues have to wait.
I don't wreck my day for anything.
I had my first 2 costumers today. Tess and Elin.
Very good and nice feedback as well :)
Tomorrow it's time for Johan, Tess brother!
It's crazy how much I love to do this.
I really burn for this. And I learn more and more every time.
Lucky me that had Elin and "talk to" during dinner as well.
Feedback and support from a friend is always nice.
And Elin is a smart and strong girl even if I've always seen her as "my little Elin".
The youngest mother of us all, but yet not a mother! ;)
Broccoli soup with crisp bread it was. Yum yum.
Since it was a dark and rainy weather, Elin decided soup was the best.
I agreed :)
I have to study more. Study and study haaaaard!!
But now it's time for bed, and then it's time for Yoga tomorrow.
But not the morning class, it have to be at 12 because the first class starts in 4 hours,
and I haven't even gone to bed yet. Jeeez...
It's time for bed.
And no matter what happens, I will hide you in a big place inside of my <3
Being Lazy
I've been way too lazy lately.
But I don't want to have too many "things" on my back and feel stressed.
I want to take one task at the time, and do it right!
Today my focus is on massage to get some money & food.
And while I'm not doing any massage now during the day the focus is to study.
And the clean a bit.
After my party, it's wasn't so bad. I just have to vacuum a bit.
And make up all my clothes from the floor and make the bed :)
I don't know how I sleep in my bed, it's not the first time I wake up across the other side.
Is my bed too big for me then? Or is it just me, trying to fill it up because it's empty?
(This is me when I was young)
I'm going to do some Yoga at home today because I missed it this morning.
A long headstand is needed today! I Overslept.
I worked yesterday (as a mailman) and when I came home I took a hot and long bath.
And made myself really nice dinner.
Being outside in the cold for 6 hours makes Lee Lee tired, but in a good way.
Then the wild "massive awesome" dude Joel called.
I was glad to see him again after 2 weeks or so.
Same same Joel, with alot of coffee in his body haha.
Me, him and Alex took a walk in the park and then I hung out there for a while and went home.
It was later then I thought and I needed the sleep......
Being a masseuse is kind of shitty for me, cuz I need a massage myself!
My back hurts like a M*F*
I had a dream about Fluff couple of days ago.
We were inside of a beauty saloon and tried out different kinds of wigs.
Laughed and had alot of fun and when I woke up, I thought :
"Oh, I'm gonna call Fluff and see if he wants to do something today"...
The thought stopped me... and my happiness realized that he's not here anymore.
Damn it. It sucks.
It's time for breakfast,
and I'm not even hungry... Maybe I'll wait for a while. Ciao. Ciao.
But I don't want to have too many "things" on my back and feel stressed.
I want to take one task at the time, and do it right!
Today my focus is on massage to get some money & food.
And while I'm not doing any massage now during the day the focus is to study.
And the clean a bit.
After my party, it's wasn't so bad. I just have to vacuum a bit.
And make up all my clothes from the floor and make the bed :)
I don't know how I sleep in my bed, it's not the first time I wake up across the other side.
Is my bed too big for me then? Or is it just me, trying to fill it up because it's empty?
(This is me when I was young)
I'm going to do some Yoga at home today because I missed it this morning.
A long headstand is needed today! I Overslept.
I worked yesterday (as a mailman) and when I came home I took a hot and long bath.
And made myself really nice dinner.
Being outside in the cold for 6 hours makes Lee Lee tired, but in a good way.
Then the wild "massive awesome" dude Joel called.
I was glad to see him again after 2 weeks or so.
Same same Joel, with alot of coffee in his body haha.
Me, him and Alex took a walk in the park and then I hung out there for a while and went home.
It was later then I thought and I needed the sleep......
Being a masseuse is kind of shitty for me, cuz I need a massage myself!
My back hurts like a M*F*
I had a dream about Fluff couple of days ago.
We were inside of a beauty saloon and tried out different kinds of wigs.
Laughed and had alot of fun and when I woke up, I thought :
"Oh, I'm gonna call Fluff and see if he wants to do something today"...
The thought stopped me... and my happiness realized that he's not here anymore.
Damn it. It sucks.
It's time for breakfast,
and I'm not even hungry... Maybe I'll wait for a while. Ciao. Ciao.
Focus, Hocus Pocus!
I took out my ping pong ball again.
It's time for that little bastard to be used again.
Last couple of days I've just been so tired and lazy.
I have no idea what's wrong with me.
The last couple of days, my head have been everywhere else then here,
down on earth.
So, it's time to concentrate and focus again.
I've been afraid. But when I think about it...
What is there to be afraid of?
To loose something, and to get a rejection and humiliate myself?
Well, that's things I have to deal with. It's life right!?
But when the time is right... The time is right.
No, from now on I'm won't be afraid anymore and I'm going to be strong!
What is the most important?
- YOURSELF!
I just hate when you have your period.
The whole balance in the body turns completely upside down.
And my system have been a bit weird lately since I took out my "spiral".
It totally ruined all my hormons in the body.
Talk about shock when it was time to have a "normal" period again.
This is the normal "GIRLY" stuff that all of us women have to deal with every month.
Be lucky guys!
A friend of mine told me something yesterday:
"I think that both of you are on the same boat, but just in different ends"
We just have to reach out, speak out and we find the way to each other!
That was very nice and cute said. And maybe it is like that?
I seriously think so. But I'm not sure.
Feelings of being afraid. Afraid of feelings. And rejection.
So, who will take the first step?
I'll wait for now.
It's time for that little bastard to be used again.
Last couple of days I've just been so tired and lazy.
I have no idea what's wrong with me.
The last couple of days, my head have been everywhere else then here,
down on earth.
So, it's time to concentrate and focus again.
I've been afraid. But when I think about it...
What is there to be afraid of?
To loose something, and to get a rejection and humiliate myself?
Well, that's things I have to deal with. It's life right!?
But when the time is right... The time is right.
No, from now on I'm won't be afraid anymore and I'm going to be strong!
What is the most important?
- YOURSELF!
I just hate when you have your period.
The whole balance in the body turns completely upside down.
And my system have been a bit weird lately since I took out my "spiral".
It totally ruined all my hormons in the body.
Talk about shock when it was time to have a "normal" period again.
This is the normal "GIRLY" stuff that all of us women have to deal with every month.
Be lucky guys!
A friend of mine told me something yesterday:
"I think that both of you are on the same boat, but just in different ends"
We just have to reach out, speak out and we find the way to each other!
That was very nice and cute said. And maybe it is like that?
I seriously think so. But I'm not sure.
Feelings of being afraid. Afraid of feelings. And rejection.
So, who will take the first step?
I'll wait for now.
Jag ger dig alltid lite extra krydda!!!
I am exhausted (my brain) so I will write in Swedish.
Varför ska ALLA som har masserat mig vara så jävla klena och
rädda för att ta i när jag säger till dom att kötta sönder mig och trycka hårdare?
VAD ÄR DET DOM INTE FÖRSTÅR?
Jag gillar för fan smärta! (Skön smärta alltså)
Ska man bli massör så får man sluta vara rädd att ta i sönder någon.
Du är ju där i ett syfte, inte hålla på att mesa.
Det är ingen beröringsmassage!
Då hade jag kunnat be vem som helst klia mig på ryggen typ....
JAG HAR OCKSÅ ONT! Och jag får faktiskt mer och mer ont.
Speciellt i min "mus-arm" för att jag använder datorn för mkt.
Jaja, det får jag leva med.... Men ja jag ÄR spänd!
Och i kylan som kommit så märker jag att jag blir mer och mer spänd nu.
Mina ben börjar göra ont också. Ska försöka att gå mer och cykla mindre.
Om jag har förstått det rätt så förkortas mina hamstrings när jag cyklar,
sitter väl fel i positionen på cykeln kanske, så den ska också justeras!
Nej, imorgon under praktiserandet måste jag haffa tag i en av killarna tror jag?
Är det bara jag som e tjej och tar i så man känner det?
Fast och andra sidan så e jag inte så tjejig.
Jag känner mig mer hemma med "grabbarna" och har väl alltid gjort det.
Fast kanske mer i mitt tänkande. Jag har nog varit man i mitt tidigare liv.
Som en av mina bästa vänner sa igår:
Lee du kan verkligen alltid associera ALLTING till sex eller något snuskigt.
Jag pratade om muskler, och sa att jag gillade MINIMUS!
Mini-mus! Fniss fniss! Sen finns det ju MAXIMUS också ;)
Om det är manligt vet jag inte?
Men jag är öppen med det och kan vara ganska grov i munnen ibland.
Kanske utan att tänka på det och att andra faktiskt kan reagera på det.
Men borde jag bry mig om detta? Det är sån jag är!
Känner man inte mig så kan det kanske låta fel ibland....
Det kanske är därför det kan bli lite manligt kanske?
Men det är detta som gör mig så charmig. :D
Och det e därför ni saknar mig. För att jag ger dig alltid "lite extra krydda" i vardagen.
Jag är som en färg klick, jag sätter färg på vardagen när den är grå.
För övrigt är det lördag idag och jag har nyss kommit hem i från skolan.
Började morgonen med massage. Jag intog bänken direkt kan jag säga er!
Efter lunchen var det dags för fysiologi.
Oh gud vad jobbigt. Det är i dom lägena jag kan känna mig lite extra blond.
Men det är intressant. Sjukt intressant. Men jag är trög.
Ja så enkelt är det. Det tar lite extra tid för mig att förstå.
Men när vi väl kom igång så förstår man lite ändå. Nu gäller det att plugga också!
Nu är det inte bara massagen och anatomin jag ska plugga på.
Fysiologi också.
Men jag trivs som en fisk i havet. Jag älskar vad jag gör!
För någon dag sedan fick jag frågan:
"Känner du att det känns som om du gjort detta förr, i ett tidigare liv alltså?"
Som om jag var född till att göra detta?
Jag hade aldrig funderat på tanken faktiskt, och sa:
Njaaaaa.... jag gillar ju att arbeta med händerna...?
Men tanken satt kvar.
Ju mer jag tänker på det när jag pluggar och praktiserar
så inser jag att jag är rätt bra ändå trots att vi inte kommit långt i kursen alls.
Men det känns som om jag gjort det förr faktiskt.
Jag älskar det, och för varje gång som går så känns det mer och mer rätt och det blir mer och mer roligt.
Ja en sak är klar i alla fall, och det är att jag har arbetat med mina händer.
Fingerfärdig liten pillare är vad jag är.
Ja det är då dags för mig att pilla vidare med min fingerfärdighet.
Jag tänkte måla och lyssna på musik och flumma lite.
Jävligt skönt att vara själv, men det där lilla extra skrattet hade jag behövt idag.
Idag är en sån dag då jag velat ha någon här bara...
Jag saknar något. Bara en stark känsla fast att jag inte behöver ha någon här.
Äh. ska fan sluta skriva nu ....
innan jag börjar spinna in på allt som rör sig i min skalle.
Jag litar inte på min skalle. Det enda jag litar på är mitt hjärta!
Mitt hjärta öppnas lite sådär extra för dig.
Vem säger jag inte. Det får ni klura ut själv.
Och frågar du inte så får du inget veta.
Varför ska ALLA som har masserat mig vara så jävla klena och
rädda för att ta i när jag säger till dom att kötta sönder mig och trycka hårdare?
VAD ÄR DET DOM INTE FÖRSTÅR?
Jag gillar för fan smärta! (Skön smärta alltså)
Ska man bli massör så får man sluta vara rädd att ta i sönder någon.
Du är ju där i ett syfte, inte hålla på att mesa.
Det är ingen beröringsmassage!
Då hade jag kunnat be vem som helst klia mig på ryggen typ....
JAG HAR OCKSÅ ONT! Och jag får faktiskt mer och mer ont.
Speciellt i min "mus-arm" för att jag använder datorn för mkt.
Jaja, det får jag leva med.... Men ja jag ÄR spänd!
Och i kylan som kommit så märker jag att jag blir mer och mer spänd nu.
Mina ben börjar göra ont också. Ska försöka att gå mer och cykla mindre.
Om jag har förstått det rätt så förkortas mina hamstrings när jag cyklar,
sitter väl fel i positionen på cykeln kanske, så den ska också justeras!
Nej, imorgon under praktiserandet måste jag haffa tag i en av killarna tror jag?
Är det bara jag som e tjej och tar i så man känner det?
Fast och andra sidan så e jag inte så tjejig.
Jag känner mig mer hemma med "grabbarna" och har väl alltid gjort det.
Fast kanske mer i mitt tänkande. Jag har nog varit man i mitt tidigare liv.
Som en av mina bästa vänner sa igår:
Lee du kan verkligen alltid associera ALLTING till sex eller något snuskigt.
Jag pratade om muskler, och sa att jag gillade MINIMUS!
Mini-mus! Fniss fniss! Sen finns det ju MAXIMUS också ;)
Om det är manligt vet jag inte?
Men jag är öppen med det och kan vara ganska grov i munnen ibland.
Kanske utan att tänka på det och att andra faktiskt kan reagera på det.
Men borde jag bry mig om detta? Det är sån jag är!
Känner man inte mig så kan det kanske låta fel ibland....
Det kanske är därför det kan bli lite manligt kanske?
Men det är detta som gör mig så charmig. :D
Och det e därför ni saknar mig. För att jag ger dig alltid "lite extra krydda" i vardagen.
Jag är som en färg klick, jag sätter färg på vardagen när den är grå.
För övrigt är det lördag idag och jag har nyss kommit hem i från skolan.
Började morgonen med massage. Jag intog bänken direkt kan jag säga er!
Efter lunchen var det dags för fysiologi.
Oh gud vad jobbigt. Det är i dom lägena jag kan känna mig lite extra blond.
Men det är intressant. Sjukt intressant. Men jag är trög.
Ja så enkelt är det. Det tar lite extra tid för mig att förstå.
Men när vi väl kom igång så förstår man lite ändå. Nu gäller det att plugga också!
Nu är det inte bara massagen och anatomin jag ska plugga på.
Fysiologi också.
Men jag trivs som en fisk i havet. Jag älskar vad jag gör!
För någon dag sedan fick jag frågan:
"Känner du att det känns som om du gjort detta förr, i ett tidigare liv alltså?"
Som om jag var född till att göra detta?
Jag hade aldrig funderat på tanken faktiskt, och sa:
Njaaaaa.... jag gillar ju att arbeta med händerna...?
Men tanken satt kvar.
Ju mer jag tänker på det när jag pluggar och praktiserar
så inser jag att jag är rätt bra ändå trots att vi inte kommit långt i kursen alls.
Men det känns som om jag gjort det förr faktiskt.
Jag älskar det, och för varje gång som går så känns det mer och mer rätt och det blir mer och mer roligt.
Ja en sak är klar i alla fall, och det är att jag har arbetat med mina händer.
Fingerfärdig liten pillare är vad jag är.
Ja det är då dags för mig att pilla vidare med min fingerfärdighet.
Jag tänkte måla och lyssna på musik och flumma lite.
Jävligt skönt att vara själv, men det där lilla extra skrattet hade jag behövt idag.
Idag är en sån dag då jag velat ha någon här bara...
Jag saknar något. Bara en stark känsla fast att jag inte behöver ha någon här.
Äh. ska fan sluta skriva nu ....
innan jag börjar spinna in på allt som rör sig i min skalle.
Jag litar inte på min skalle. Det enda jag litar på är mitt hjärta!
Mitt hjärta öppnas lite sådär extra för dig.
Vem säger jag inte. Det får ni klura ut själv.
Och frågar du inte så får du inget veta.
Cozy time!
I decided last night to get some sleep and skip the Yoga
this morning and focus on my study during the whole day.
So I woke up with anxiety and the dorrbell rang.
I had weird dreams. Nothing to worry about though, but I was sad.
It was the janitor of the house. He wanted to fix some things.
When he finished I brought my breakfast with me to the gym
and had breakfast together with Malin.
Then it was time to study for couple of hours.
I am very glad that she is helping me and I don't know what I would have done without her!
So, Malin.... THANK YOU WONDERFUL GIRL!!!
What I study is so interesting for me and I really love it.
I never thought that I could use this for so much,
and I have not even started the course (almost).
I am into it alot, and at the moment - everything is about spina scapula,
erector spinae, crista iliaca, adduction, abduction, clavicula,
tendo bla bla bla bla bla.... and the list goes on!!
Latin words are hard but fun! :D
Ludvig came for a visit at the gym and we had a coffee together.
After Malin finished, we had a short visit in the gym.
I'm still in my sweaty gym clothes (8 hours later)
I know, fresh huh? :P
I thought that I was suppose to be there during the day and then go home ...
But oh boy, I was wroooooong!
Me, Malin and Miche had free sushi at Ludvigs job after that!
What can I say? Free sushi is nothing to argue about.
THAT IS NICE!
And then after the free sushi I went to Lund and visited My & Lea!
OOOoooohhhh... We had a nice time in the sofa :)
Cozy time. She is the best.
And Lea is soooo damn cute!
I normally don't really like babies when they are so small.
Yes, I am too honest about that. It's just their weird looks I guess?
But she... is just something special! :)
I also have a feeling inside of me that wants to come out.
It's a nice bubbly feeling.
It's not the right moment yet. No stress.
I'm in no hurry at all... I know what I feel and I can't help it.
That's just the way it is.
But I really like it.
And no matter what is going to happen, it does not matter.
As long as I stay in balance.
FOCUS IS ON ME! And damn I love my life.
More positivity to the people! :D
Cherio my ladies and gents!
this morning and focus on my study during the whole day.
So I woke up with anxiety and the dorrbell rang.
I had weird dreams. Nothing to worry about though, but I was sad.
It was the janitor of the house. He wanted to fix some things.
When he finished I brought my breakfast with me to the gym
and had breakfast together with Malin.
Then it was time to study for couple of hours.
I am very glad that she is helping me and I don't know what I would have done without her!
So, Malin.... THANK YOU WONDERFUL GIRL!!!
What I study is so interesting for me and I really love it.
I never thought that I could use this for so much,
and I have not even started the course (almost).
I am into it alot, and at the moment - everything is about spina scapula,
erector spinae, crista iliaca, adduction, abduction, clavicula,
tendo bla bla bla bla bla.... and the list goes on!!
Latin words are hard but fun! :D
Ludvig came for a visit at the gym and we had a coffee together.
After Malin finished, we had a short visit in the gym.
I'm still in my sweaty gym clothes (8 hours later)
I know, fresh huh? :P
I thought that I was suppose to be there during the day and then go home ...
But oh boy, I was wroooooong!
Me, Malin and Miche had free sushi at Ludvigs job after that!
What can I say? Free sushi is nothing to argue about.
THAT IS NICE!
And then after the free sushi I went to Lund and visited My & Lea!
OOOoooohhhh... We had a nice time in the sofa :)
Cozy time. She is the best.
And Lea is soooo damn cute!
I normally don't really like babies when they are so small.
Yes, I am too honest about that. It's just their weird looks I guess?
But she... is just something special! :)
I also have a feeling inside of me that wants to come out.
It's a nice bubbly feeling.
It's not the right moment yet. No stress.
I'm in no hurry at all... I know what I feel and I can't help it.
That's just the way it is.
But I really like it.
And no matter what is going to happen, it does not matter.
As long as I stay in balance.
FOCUS IS ON ME! And damn I love my life.
More positivity to the people! :D
Cherio my ladies and gents!
Fika
Fika is a swedish word for getting together with friends and have coffee/tea
and just chat and have a good time.
I like FIKA! And it is typical Swedish. That's all we do.
Fika, fika, fika all the time!
I remember that I talked about FIKA with my old captain Rick from the boat I worked on.
That is the only thing he misses from Sweden. THE FIKA!
He is a Swede but haven't been in Sweden since 1985.
Sailed around the world 3 times and he is more of an "American".
But he still have his "Gävle dialekt".
A good old man, but very special.
And I wish that all the drama that was caused on the boat never happend before I left.
(Or before they left I have to say)
I sure do miss them all from the boat.
Mostly Joey though!
So when I had my fika today, my thoughts were for Captain Rick!
Sweden when it comes to coffee, is very good experts!
Malmö has one of the best places that rosts the coffee and export etc.
KAFFE ROSTERIET.
So, if you are in town , and like good coffee - VISIT!!!
Well, anyway. I like to have a FIKA at home.
I had breakfast today with both Miche and Pernilla!
It's nice to do something together after the Yoga.
After they left, Jan called me very spontaneously and said that he was in town.
So then I had another coffee and chit chat around my nice breakfast table :)
This is all for now. Have to go. Ta ta!!
and just chat and have a good time.
I like FIKA! And it is typical Swedish. That's all we do.
Fika, fika, fika all the time!
I remember that I talked about FIKA with my old captain Rick from the boat I worked on.
That is the only thing he misses from Sweden. THE FIKA!
He is a Swede but haven't been in Sweden since 1985.
Sailed around the world 3 times and he is more of an "American".
But he still have his "Gävle dialekt".
A good old man, but very special.
And I wish that all the drama that was caused on the boat never happend before I left.
(Or before they left I have to say)
I sure do miss them all from the boat.
Mostly Joey though!
So when I had my fika today, my thoughts were for Captain Rick!
Sweden when it comes to coffee, is very good experts!
Malmö has one of the best places that rosts the coffee and export etc.
KAFFE ROSTERIET.
So, if you are in town , and like good coffee - VISIT!!!
Well, anyway. I like to have a FIKA at home.
I had breakfast today with both Miche and Pernilla!
It's nice to do something together after the Yoga.
After they left, Jan called me very spontaneously and said that he was in town.
So then I had another coffee and chit chat around my nice breakfast table :)
This is all for now. Have to go. Ta ta!!
En ren lortgris!
Sorry dudes, but this post will be in Swedish.
Just use Google translate if you want to understand me! ;)
Ibland är det jävligt skönt att få vara en riktig lortgris.
Men ännu skönare att vara en lortgris som blir ren.
Hellre lite skit i hörnen än ett rent helvete iaf!
Underbart att bo själv igen.
Jag kan diska när jag vill, fisa hur mkt jag vill och lägga kläder på golvet hur jag vill.
Det där är jag ganska bra på. Att slänga kläder omkring mig.
Det är som små spår överallt där jag varit.
Det är bara att följa dom så hittar du mig!
Idag har varit skön.
Bara fokus på mig själv. Börjar dagen med att fasta.
Jobbigt, men nödvändigt lite då och då.
Finns många som inte förstår sig på det där och tycket det är en dålig sak att göra.
Ja, det beror på sammanhanget och hur länge etc.
Men detta är en dag, och hur svårt är EN dag att hålla?
Och vad hinner hända? Nej inte mkt! Jag är emot alla bantnings kurer etc,
och detta har verkligen inget med det att göra.
Detta är en UTRENSNING! Alla borde göra det ibland.
Jag får i mig vatten och en jävla massa te, så det räcker långt om länge.
Jag mår ju inte dåligt, jag är bara jävligt hungrig.
Tro mig, jag stod i kylen med en korv i munnen.... och tog NÄSTAN en tugga.
Lukta på den lite och la sen tillbaka den!
Det krävs en stark vilja ibland bara.
Jag hade kunnat äta vad som helst just nu!
Och håller jag mig så stärks ju även min viljestyrka!
Man ska ju aldrig svika sig själv.... :P
Sen efter det så gick jag till tandläkaren.
Ja det var dags efter ett uppehåll på ca 6 år.
Nervös som man var för att det skulle vara hål,
så tog hon bort lite tandsten och vipps så var jag klar.
"Dina tänder är otroligt fina för att inte varit på besök på så pass länge"
YES YES YES!
Nu har jag nyss tagit ett varmt bad och skrubbat mig,
skrubbat mig, och åter igen SKRUBBAT MIG!
Min hud är totalt baby len och mina naglar är klippta (pga massagen)
och jag är ny vaxad och igår hjälpte frugan mig att färga mitt hår!
Jag har även smort in mig i fet kräm så jag e så mysig så mysig just nu.
På tal om vaxning så är nog en av de bästa skönhetsgrejerna jag vet.
Vaxar man sig så slipper man raka vart och vart annan dag.
Det håller i månader (iaf på mig).
Det är smärtsamt, men det är en underbar smärta!
Lite som en tattuering, ont men skönt.
Du vet ju att efteråt i det långa hela så gör det dig bara gott, som så mycket annat!
Jag springer nu omkring i mina nya inneskor som jag köpte igår.
Dom är världens bästaste! Och varma som saaaatan!!
Det som återstår nu är att plocka ögonbryn och färga dom!
Hade varit underbart med en massage också...
Det blir lite plugg på detta.
Ingen middag dock, sparat skit mkt tid på grund av det idag. HAHA!
MITT LIV E FAN SÅ JÄVLA NICE....
Förutom att jag är fattig, men pengar är inte allt!
JAG VILL DESSUTOM HÅNGLA. Fy fan va jag älskar att hångla.
Hångla är så jävla nice. Jag har inte hånglat på skit länge!
Det är nog dags snart tycker jag!
Hade varit jävligt nice att BLI upp hånglad mot en vägg just nu! Oj oj oj.
Typ sådär som jag gjorde med Malin en gång som jag inte ens minns själv.
Hahahahahahaha!!
Nä dags att ta hand om mig själv!
Puss på er alla pussgurkor!
Just use Google translate if you want to understand me! ;)
Ibland är det jävligt skönt att få vara en riktig lortgris.
Men ännu skönare att vara en lortgris som blir ren.
Hellre lite skit i hörnen än ett rent helvete iaf!
Underbart att bo själv igen.
Jag kan diska när jag vill, fisa hur mkt jag vill och lägga kläder på golvet hur jag vill.
Det där är jag ganska bra på. Att slänga kläder omkring mig.
Det är som små spår överallt där jag varit.
Det är bara att följa dom så hittar du mig!
Idag har varit skön.
Bara fokus på mig själv. Börjar dagen med att fasta.
Jobbigt, men nödvändigt lite då och då.
Finns många som inte förstår sig på det där och tycket det är en dålig sak att göra.
Ja, det beror på sammanhanget och hur länge etc.
Men detta är en dag, och hur svårt är EN dag att hålla?
Och vad hinner hända? Nej inte mkt! Jag är emot alla bantnings kurer etc,
och detta har verkligen inget med det att göra.
Detta är en UTRENSNING! Alla borde göra det ibland.
Jag får i mig vatten och en jävla massa te, så det räcker långt om länge.
Jag mår ju inte dåligt, jag är bara jävligt hungrig.
Tro mig, jag stod i kylen med en korv i munnen.... och tog NÄSTAN en tugga.
Lukta på den lite och la sen tillbaka den!
Det krävs en stark vilja ibland bara.
Jag hade kunnat äta vad som helst just nu!
Och håller jag mig så stärks ju även min viljestyrka!
Man ska ju aldrig svika sig själv.... :P
Sen efter det så gick jag till tandläkaren.
Ja det var dags efter ett uppehåll på ca 6 år.
Nervös som man var för att det skulle vara hål,
så tog hon bort lite tandsten och vipps så var jag klar.
"Dina tänder är otroligt fina för att inte varit på besök på så pass länge"
YES YES YES!
Nu har jag nyss tagit ett varmt bad och skrubbat mig,
skrubbat mig, och åter igen SKRUBBAT MIG!
Min hud är totalt baby len och mina naglar är klippta (pga massagen)
och jag är ny vaxad och igår hjälpte frugan mig att färga mitt hår!
Jag har även smort in mig i fet kräm så jag e så mysig så mysig just nu.
På tal om vaxning så är nog en av de bästa skönhetsgrejerna jag vet.
Vaxar man sig så slipper man raka vart och vart annan dag.
Det håller i månader (iaf på mig).
Det är smärtsamt, men det är en underbar smärta!
Lite som en tattuering, ont men skönt.
Du vet ju att efteråt i det långa hela så gör det dig bara gott, som så mycket annat!
Jag springer nu omkring i mina nya inneskor som jag köpte igår.
Dom är världens bästaste! Och varma som saaaatan!!
Det som återstår nu är att plocka ögonbryn och färga dom!
Hade varit underbart med en massage också...
Det blir lite plugg på detta.
Ingen middag dock, sparat skit mkt tid på grund av det idag. HAHA!
MITT LIV E FAN SÅ JÄVLA NICE....
Förutom att jag är fattig, men pengar är inte allt!
JAG VILL DESSUTOM HÅNGLA. Fy fan va jag älskar att hångla.
Hångla är så jävla nice. Jag har inte hånglat på skit länge!
Det är nog dags snart tycker jag!
Hade varit jävligt nice att BLI upp hånglad mot en vägg just nu! Oj oj oj.
Typ sådär som jag gjorde med Malin en gång som jag inte ens minns själv.
Hahahahahahaha!!
Nä dags att ta hand om mig själv!
Puss på er alla pussgurkor!
My weekly update...
2 days in school, and not so much sleeping for the last couple of days.
I've had better things to do. Or just been busy (my mind).
Cuz I sure do loooooove to sleep! Specially on sundays!
But instead I drive my bike to school.
And on the way this morning, and freezing cold winter
feeling with numb fingers, I took this picture!
Lucky enough we still have sun, otherwise I would die!
+1 degree celsius today!
I've had a really good time in school. I really love it.
The new group is better then the last group!! :)
I learn so much and I wish that the study could be the same.
Or at least easier for me.
My new boyfriend...Is dead...?
Water, coffee (I would have been dead without you today)
Muscular system, anatomy and fysiology!
Now I have time with Malin to spend on the gym so I can study
while I'm there and I have her if I need help with anything! =) YAY!
What a great friend she is, and also letting me borrow her sewing machine!
And another great friend is Fluff. Again.
He is always great. And greater.
I will not say that he is the greatest, cuz I am the greatest! :)
And he always gets so cocky if I say that....
He helped me this week as well and fixed things with me in the apartment.
He likes to solve problems, so he is a better help then anyone else! :)
I've also been on IKEA 2 times this week.
Second time I bought exactly what I needed!
And this big flower is one of them!
And another great friend is Joel.
Who lets me borrow his muscular body for practise!
(That sounded a bit weird haha) For massage ok?
A coffee with Joel Holmgren after school today.
He is in town over the weekend and it have been ages ago!
Then I went home and made food. And here I am now.
I just took a hot bath and now I'm wrapped in my 2 meter long towel like a baby.
I'm going to make myself a nice cup of tea and
I'm gonna cuddle down into the sofa with a movie.
Then I'm totally going to pass out!!
I also had a pancake date with Annica last friday.
A very very nice night. We watched "The little mermaid"
and did banana pancakes :) and had tea. yum yum.
And little LEA came to the world 3 weeks ago. (?)
She is so cute. And so is the beautiful My, as always!!!
I love you.
Autum time in the sun, relaxing with my EASY TONE Reebok's.
Very good shoes for walking! And nice for the ASS!!!
This is it for me today....
Goodnight world. Yoga tomorrow!!
I've had better things to do. Or just been busy (my mind).
Cuz I sure do loooooove to sleep! Specially on sundays!
But instead I drive my bike to school.
And on the way this morning, and freezing cold winter
feeling with numb fingers, I took this picture!
Lucky enough we still have sun, otherwise I would die!
+1 degree celsius today!
I've had a really good time in school. I really love it.
The new group is better then the last group!! :)
I learn so much and I wish that the study could be the same.
Or at least easier for me.
My new boyfriend...Is dead...?
Water, coffee (I would have been dead without you today)
Muscular system, anatomy and fysiology!
Now I have time with Malin to spend on the gym so I can study
while I'm there and I have her if I need help with anything! =) YAY!
What a great friend she is, and also letting me borrow her sewing machine!
And another great friend is Fluff. Again.
He is always great. And greater.
I will not say that he is the greatest, cuz I am the greatest! :)
And he always gets so cocky if I say that....
He helped me this week as well and fixed things with me in the apartment.
He likes to solve problems, so he is a better help then anyone else! :)
I've also been on IKEA 2 times this week.
Second time I bought exactly what I needed!
And this big flower is one of them!
And another great friend is Joel.
Who lets me borrow his muscular body for practise!
(That sounded a bit weird haha) For massage ok?
A coffee with Joel Holmgren after school today.
He is in town over the weekend and it have been ages ago!
Then I went home and made food. And here I am now.
I just took a hot bath and now I'm wrapped in my 2 meter long towel like a baby.
I'm going to make myself a nice cup of tea and
I'm gonna cuddle down into the sofa with a movie.
Then I'm totally going to pass out!!
I also had a pancake date with Annica last friday.
A very very nice night. We watched "The little mermaid"
and did banana pancakes :) and had tea. yum yum.
And little LEA came to the world 3 weeks ago. (?)
She is so cute. And so is the beautiful My, as always!!!
I love you.
Autum time in the sun, relaxing with my EASY TONE Reebok's.
Very good shoes for walking! And nice for the ASS!!!
This is it for me today....
Goodnight world. Yoga tomorrow!!
Relaxing sunday!
Woke up late this sunday.
I putted alarm at 09.30, because I wanted to join for the worldwide meditation at
10.10.10 at 10.00 am, for 10 minutes.
But, I snoozed and overslept and woke up again at 14.40!
I went to IKEA with my younger sister and brother.
Bought myself a new carpet (but I think I will return it again)
And a wook. So now I can make my wooks again! WEHO!
When I came home I've just been listening to music.
I turned down all the lights and lighted up candles and took a hot bath.
I bought a "scrub-glove" and bath salt and all those girly things....
So I've been having a nice time for the last hour! :)
Now it's just time to get myself smooth again with all my creams!
I now have my massage bench and I had to buy a Yantra mat!
So, now I am like everyone else. I am following the trend hahahaha...
No I don't care really but I like it, that's why I bought it!
Next week (1 h to go) is just going to be study study study!
After the Yoga tomorrow morning,
I will go to the library and sit there for the whole day.
And the next day and the next day and the next day....
I will even make my own picnic bag to bring! HAHAHAHA!!
The only thing I will book for next week is a little date with My.
I HAVE TO SEE THEIR BABY!!!
And of course, I miss my little My as well :)
In the weekend Joel Holmgren is coming down to Malmö
so I have to see him for a cup of coffee or something! :)
I also had to take off the little white band I had on my arm today.
I can't have it on when I work as a masseuse.
I've had it on since I got it from my guru, Swami Vivekananda Saraswati.
He said that as tradition, you put it on when you have been blessed and make a wish.
When the wish comes true, the string normally fall off.
Then I wonder.... If I had to take it off, does that mean it had become true then?
Or have I just forced it to be like that?
I didn't want to take it off....
I still wear the other one I bought from the munk in KL.
But that one I can roll off and on when ever I feel like :)
This is everything for me.
I'm going to bed now!
Early morning tomorrow... Kiss Kiss and Hug Hug!
I putted alarm at 09.30, because I wanted to join for the worldwide meditation at
10.10.10 at 10.00 am, for 10 minutes.
But, I snoozed and overslept and woke up again at 14.40!
I went to IKEA with my younger sister and brother.
Bought myself a new carpet (but I think I will return it again)
And a wook. So now I can make my wooks again! WEHO!
When I came home I've just been listening to music.
I turned down all the lights and lighted up candles and took a hot bath.
I bought a "scrub-glove" and bath salt and all those girly things....
So I've been having a nice time for the last hour! :)
Now it's just time to get myself smooth again with all my creams!
I now have my massage bench and I had to buy a Yantra mat!
So, now I am like everyone else. I am following the trend hahahaha...
No I don't care really but I like it, that's why I bought it!
Next week (1 h to go) is just going to be study study study!
After the Yoga tomorrow morning,
I will go to the library and sit there for the whole day.
And the next day and the next day and the next day....
I will even make my own picnic bag to bring! HAHAHAHA!!
The only thing I will book for next week is a little date with My.
I HAVE TO SEE THEIR BABY!!!
And of course, I miss my little My as well :)
In the weekend Joel Holmgren is coming down to Malmö
so I have to see him for a cup of coffee or something! :)
I also had to take off the little white band I had on my arm today.
I can't have it on when I work as a masseuse.
I've had it on since I got it from my guru, Swami Vivekananda Saraswati.
He said that as tradition, you put it on when you have been blessed and make a wish.
When the wish comes true, the string normally fall off.
Then I wonder.... If I had to take it off, does that mean it had become true then?
Or have I just forced it to be like that?
I didn't want to take it off....
I still wear the other one I bought from the munk in KL.
But that one I can roll off and on when ever I feel like :)
This is everything for me.
I'm going to bed now!
Early morning tomorrow... Kiss Kiss and Hug Hug!
✿ ❤ ☮
Third time I'm writing today... Yeah I know, but I love writing!
I'm drinking "finest coffee" and enjoying myself alone at home today.
And by finest coffee I mean quality coffee from India, from Kafferosteriet.
Expensive as well... gah...(And not with alcohol haha)
I love it. There is nothing better then being alone at home.
I can do what ever I want to!
I love my new home. I love that I can do the dishes when ever I want to.
Walk around naked or just play loud music or sing really false in the shower hahahaha...
And I can bring home who ever I want to without asking anyone .... YAY!
And I also just have to stop in front of the mirror....every time I walk by.
Cuz I love what I see, damn it's not easy to be me... Meoooow!
I F*CKING LOVE MY LIFE!!!!
I'm drinking "finest coffee" and enjoying myself alone at home today.
And by finest coffee I mean quality coffee from India, from Kafferosteriet.
Expensive as well... gah...(And not with alcohol haha)
I love it. There is nothing better then being alone at home.
I can do what ever I want to!
I love my new home. I love that I can do the dishes when ever I want to.
Walk around naked or just play loud music or sing really false in the shower hahahaha...
And I can bring home who ever I want to without asking anyone .... YAY!
And I also just have to stop in front of the mirror....every time I walk by.
Cuz I love what I see, damn it's not easy to be me... Meoooow!
I F*CKING LOVE MY LIFE!!!!
El finito
Yepp, you heard me.
I'm done. Everyhing is up. :) YAY!
Fluff came over today too and joined me couple of hours in the mess.
Then Ludde and Johan came over for a while as well.
The only thing that I need now is to put some shelfs on the wall and decorate with some art.
And make my place a bit more personal and cozy!
Then I'm done. MORE FLOWERS IT IS!!!
Tomorrow I will be doing the last things on the list,
go down to the basement and leave all the things I won't use.
And now at least my floor is empty! :D
It's time for some shopping!
Then it's time for Yoga and meditation as usual again.
Had couple of days off while moving, and YES it's time....
It's always a good time!
Now it's time for bed. Tomorrow is another day! :)
Thank you everyone that is a part of my life.
I love you all!
Peace out.
I'm done. Everyhing is up. :) YAY!
Fluff came over today too and joined me couple of hours in the mess.
Then Ludde and Johan came over for a while as well.
The only thing that I need now is to put some shelfs on the wall and decorate with some art.
And make my place a bit more personal and cozy!
Then I'm done. MORE FLOWERS IT IS!!!
Tomorrow I will be doing the last things on the list,
go down to the basement and leave all the things I won't use.
And now at least my floor is empty! :D
It's time for some shopping!
Then it's time for Yoga and meditation as usual again.
Had couple of days off while moving, and YES it's time....
It's always a good time!
Now it's time for bed. Tomorrow is another day! :)
Thank you everyone that is a part of my life.
I love you all!
Peace out.
Nostalgic!!!
Hey Hey Hey Hey!
I knoooooooooow I have been a bad writer lately,
BUT I am back now!
I've been packing, cleaning and bla bla bla, everything surrounding my apartment.
I didn't think it would take so much of my time.
But it did. Almost a week!
I haven't had ANY TIME AT ALL to study! Nada, none!
At the moment, I feel stressed because there is so many things to do.
But I am checking one after one...
So my list is getting smaller at least and after this week it's much better!!
I've spendt a week in my old apartment and I found my old closet on the attic.
RAVE LEE HAHAHAHAHA
Buffalo soldier... woh... going back in tiiiiiime!!!! HAHAHAHA!!
Also found my grandmothers old flower in water. Very 80's, cool!!
I just woke up. It only took me 25 years. Or is this what they call grown up?
I don't know. I don't want to be a grown up.
But I am responsible today and I like it, that is something I never never liked before.
Maybe because I am more secure today?
You tell me!
Well, this is it for me today... Over and out.
SHANTI OUT!
I knoooooooooow I have been a bad writer lately,
BUT I am back now!
I've been packing, cleaning and bla bla bla, everything surrounding my apartment.
I didn't think it would take so much of my time.
But it did. Almost a week!
I haven't had ANY TIME AT ALL to study! Nada, none!
At the moment, I feel stressed because there is so many things to do.
But I am checking one after one...
So my list is getting smaller at least and after this week it's much better!!
I've spendt a week in my old apartment and I found my old closet on the attic.
Weo, I've been walking on the catwalk and …. NOTHING FITS!
(Well they fit, but it's loose... woho)
Except from those things I saved for "if I one day would loose weight".
And wehooo, Lee is a.... SMART LADY!!
Because now they fit just perfect, but walking around in clothes from the 90's
maybe is not the best. Oh, but it would be a blast!!!
Some things I saved though, because they are fun and jeans always fit. :)
I've also been laughing my ass off for days while looking through stuff.
I found my old Adidas kickers pants! (as we call it down here)
And my old rave clothes. And they FIT! Can you believe it?
I've been having so much fun. And my old Buffalo shoes.
I can't believe I still had them.
RAVE LEE HAHAHAHAHA
Buffalo soldier... woh... going back in tiiiiiime!!!! HAHAHAHA!!
Also found my grandmothers old flower in water. Very 80's, cool!!
(My biggest memory from her and a big saver)
And my halloween costume has arrived now. And it's pretty! :)
Fits absolutely perfect! Weo!
I've saved things from my childhood.
Found a carton full with school stuff, from diaries to letters.
And it's ALWAYS fun to read!
I've always been a big writer, since I was a kid.
Now days I have my blog, it's a bit easier then writing on a piece of
paper and have to save a whole carton with books and shoe-boxes with letters etc.
When you can see yourself from another perspective,
you see the person who I've been and who I am now.
I've been lost for so many years, and I've even wrote it myself.
“The only thing I want to do is to get away, breath and focus on myself and try to find myself.
Even so if I have to go back to my roots and start over from square one”.
Something like this I wrote 1999. And it's exactly what I've done.
I've always been a fan of traveling,
because then I could get away from all the troubles I had at home.
To my own little paradise that I created in my head.
I created my “own world” in the age of 3-4 y.o.
I never liked this world. And that's also why I was “rebellish” in such a young age.
Started to drink and party early and didn't care about school at all.
The only time I cared about school was when I could write about my thoughts and myself.
I lived my own life, my bubble and nothing else mattered for me.
Call it ego. That's what I do! Who is more important then yourself?
I've been drawing pictures and writing that I wanted to
be saved by a prince on the white horse.
I still want that. But I don't want to be saved by anything today.
I've also notices that in every diary or letter, I was in love with a new guy.
Wow, impressive! HAHAHA! Flirts, flings, loves, friends etc etc.
And I sure loved to party. Wow, boys and party was the only thing on my mind.
But hey, now I can say "been there, done that". Boring, next thing....I just woke up. It only took me 25 years. Or is this what they call grown up?
I don't know. I don't want to be a grown up.
But I am responsible today and I like it, that is something I never never liked before.
Maybe because I am more secure today?
You tell me!
Well, this is it for me today... Over and out.
SHANTI OUT!
A clean week
I know I haven't updated myself for a while but I've been busy in my old apartment.
Clean, clean, clean and sort out what to keep and what not to keep.
I didn't realize that I have so much TRASH!!! GOD DAMN!!
I had a day with help from Jenny. Wonderful girl! :)
Normally you don't have any friends
Of course I've been writing on my computer,
but since I left it in my apartment and I'm at Annicas place now -
I can't update myself so much. And I'm pretty tired.
I've been eating like a horse today. Emelie made dinner :)
And cookies on that... mja mja, can't complain!!
Had a loooong skype talk with Ahmet from Turkey too :)
That was nice... woho..
time for bed. ta taaa
Clean, clean, clean and sort out what to keep and what not to keep.
I didn't realize that I have so much TRASH!!! GOD DAMN!!
I had a day with help from Jenny. Wonderful girl! :)
Normally you don't have any friends
Of course I've been writing on my computer,
but since I left it in my apartment and I'm at Annicas place now -
I can't update myself so much. And I'm pretty tired.
I've been eating like a horse today. Emelie made dinner :)
And cookies on that... mja mja, can't complain!!
Had a loooong skype talk with Ahmet from Turkey too :)
That was nice... woho..
time for bed. ta taaa
FRAJDEJ! (Friday)
Had a really intensed Yoga class this afternoon/night....Damn it was hard!
But I love it, even if it feels like I'm dying at the moment haha.
Or was it just my sore muscles since yesterdays Body Pump?
Specially my ass... ooohhh... aaaahhh!!
Just had a nice long hot shower and a scrub.
Japanese Icetea - Oishi - Bought at Asian Trading, nice Thailand memory! :)
Adding some fried rice, egg, carrots, salmon & crayfish.... Good as heaven!
Incense, candles, some relaxing music and now a footbath with scrub.
Then a face-mask and alot of body butter all over my body!
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!
I CAN NOT COMPLAIN AT ALL! NO NO NO NO!
Curtains are now DOWN since my neighbor
"photographed" my ass earlier today?
Well, what can I say? I don't like clothes...
I sure hope he took a great shot anyway :)
One more thing... I don't like Annicas vacuumcleaner at ALL!
Now I'm going to read my new sport magazine that I haven't had time to read yet.
HAHA I got this lovely man in a e-mail from some pension company...
I thought he was so damn cute so he deserves a picture in my blog.
What a lovely guy! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
Over and out buddies. Tattaaaa
But I love it, even if it feels like I'm dying at the moment haha.
Or was it just my sore muscles since yesterdays Body Pump?
Specially my ass... ooohhh... aaaahhh!!
Just had a nice long hot shower and a scrub.
Japanese Icetea - Oishi - Bought at Asian Trading, nice Thailand memory! :)
Adding some fried rice, egg, carrots, salmon & crayfish.... Good as heaven!
Incense, candles, some relaxing music and now a footbath with scrub.
Then a face-mask and alot of body butter all over my body!
Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!
I CAN NOT COMPLAIN AT ALL! NO NO NO NO!
Curtains are now DOWN since my neighbor
"photographed" my ass earlier today?
Well, what can I say? I don't like clothes...
I sure hope he took a great shot anyway :)
One more thing... I don't like Annicas vacuumcleaner at ALL!
Now I'm going to read my new sport magazine that I haven't had time to read yet.
HAHA I got this lovely man in a e-mail from some pension company...
I thought he was so damn cute so he deserves a picture in my blog.
What a lovely guy! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....
Over and out buddies. Tattaaaa
My day day day day
For those who are interested....
Alarm at 06.00.... Snoozed 2 times after looking out the window.
Rain, and it's dark outside. I don't like the dark and grey.
It's autum now, for real. I've missed it, but in the same time NOT!
Well, I can't lay there the whole day, better go up and get going to the meditation class.
Today I don't have time to go on the Yoga class,
I'm going to have a massage today instead! :D
It was more then a year ago I went to see Per (my massause, or how you spell it)
After meditation class I felt gooooooooooood!
I have to practise more on that though, and my damn legs that are falling a sleep every time.
Now I'm home, listening to Craig Pruess and trying to relax while eating my breakfast.
And drinking my morning tea.
And trying to build up the heat before I go out in the rain again.
This time I'm gonna wear a raincoat :)
After the massage I'm going to be dead, so I'll better relax before the
BODY PUMP class I'm gonna go to later with Malin.
Update: I've just been for 1 hour massage with Per.
Now I'm going to take a nap because I AM SOOO DAMN TIRED!
And after massaging my legs, ass, back, neck, thighs...
I feel like I've been working out for 5 hours straight.
Per told me, NO BODY PUMP today!
(I have to wait until thursday evening)
So the only thing I'm gonna focus on today is jogging instead.
Now I have the time to jog with Joel in the park,
so we can use the application on my phone together maybe...?
Now it's laundry time and I'm going to sleep meanwhile....
I LOVE POWERNAPS!
Alarm at 06.00.... Snoozed 2 times after looking out the window.
Rain, and it's dark outside. I don't like the dark and grey.
It's autum now, for real. I've missed it, but in the same time NOT!
Well, I can't lay there the whole day, better go up and get going to the meditation class.
Today I don't have time to go on the Yoga class,
I'm going to have a massage today instead! :D
It was more then a year ago I went to see Per (my massause, or how you spell it)
After meditation class I felt gooooooooooood!
I have to practise more on that though, and my damn legs that are falling a sleep every time.
Now I'm home, listening to Craig Pruess and trying to relax while eating my breakfast.
And drinking my morning tea.
And trying to build up the heat before I go out in the rain again.
This time I'm gonna wear a raincoat :)
After the massage I'm going to be dead, so I'll better relax before the
BODY PUMP class I'm gonna go to later with Malin.
Update: I've just been for 1 hour massage with Per.
Now I'm going to take a nap because I AM SOOO DAMN TIRED!
And after massaging my legs, ass, back, neck, thighs...
I feel like I've been working out for 5 hours straight.
Per told me, NO BODY PUMP today!
(I have to wait until thursday evening)
So the only thing I'm gonna focus on today is jogging instead.
Now I have the time to jog with Joel in the park,
so we can use the application on my phone together maybe...?
Now it's laundry time and I'm going to sleep meanwhile....
I LOVE POWERNAPS!
Sunday, bloody sunday....
I hate waiting for paint to dry.
Just sitting and staring at it and letting it dryyyyy....
And then paint another layer, and letting it dry and dry and dry.
I decided to make something about some paitings I have that I am not too happy about.
So I took "the traveler" and erased him.
So now the whole painting is totally BLACK, and I'm gonna do something else instead.
It's better that way, because I thought about it and I don't really want
that picture on my wall when I move to something new.
I also (finally) took the yellow towel and putted it in the trashcan, for good!
The whole day I've spendt inside in the livingroom and alot in front of the computer.
From the sofa in the morning, to the floor, to the table, to the sofa, to the floor and so on.
I'm so restless but in the same time I have nothing to do....?
I wanted to go out for a walk or go jogging, but now it's too late and I'm pretty "BLAH".
I also decided to be "FACEBOOK FREE" for 3 days.
I'm addicted. It's my drug. It's nuts.
The only thing I can do online is blog and check my e-mail.
I guess how much time I save on that???
ALOT is my guess.....
More workout and more creativity.
Ludvig is on his way over with sushi and we are going to watch a movie,
then it's time for Lee Lee to go to bed.
Early morning tomorrow, it's Yoga like always! :D
On tuesday it's time for massage. Oh, I'm looking forward to it ALOT!
It have been ages .... (Thailand) since I had massage.
GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME
Just sitting and staring at it and letting it dryyyyy....
And then paint another layer, and letting it dry and dry and dry.
I decided to make something about some paitings I have that I am not too happy about.
So I took "the traveler" and erased him.
So now the whole painting is totally BLACK, and I'm gonna do something else instead.
It's better that way, because I thought about it and I don't really want
that picture on my wall when I move to something new.
I also (finally) took the yellow towel and putted it in the trashcan, for good!
The whole day I've spendt inside in the livingroom and alot in front of the computer.
From the sofa in the morning, to the floor, to the table, to the sofa, to the floor and so on.
I'm so restless but in the same time I have nothing to do....?
I wanted to go out for a walk or go jogging, but now it's too late and I'm pretty "BLAH".
I also decided to be "FACEBOOK FREE" for 3 days.
I'm addicted. It's my drug. It's nuts.
The only thing I can do online is blog and check my e-mail.
I guess how much time I save on that???
ALOT is my guess.....
More workout and more creativity.
Ludvig is on his way over with sushi and we are going to watch a movie,
then it's time for Lee Lee to go to bed.
Early morning tomorrow, it's Yoga like always! :D
On tuesday it's time for massage. Oh, I'm looking forward to it ALOT!
It have been ages .... (Thailand) since I had massage.
GIVE ME GIVE ME GIVE ME
