ૐ It's just me ☼ Lee Lee ૐ ☮ ♥

I've noticed myself and this is the time a year when I start to get restless.
I have alot of stuff to do, but yet I don't think it's enough.
It's just like a missing gap in my life. And I can't figure out what's missing.

Yes, yes, the answer is more yoga and more meditation. I know.
But what if that's not enough?
It's been this time a year when I "normally" escape.
When the dark and the cold slowly slowly comes.
But this time it's not time to escape.
Even if I wish so for a week or 2! I have everything I need here...
And ... I'm poor. Of course.

I wish I wasn't at the moment. It would make things so much easier.
Yeah yeah, you have to work hard for the money.
I just can't WAAAAIT until I finish this god damn study, then I can do a nice little trip and work...
Woho.. I really love what I do!
I have to start doing it at home as well to bring home the cash ;)

Today I've spendt breakfast with Miche as usual.
And AT 12 Jenny came over and I've spendt the whole day with her.
Lunch at Ganesha and then we watched Annelie, Kåta Gun and Central skolan.
Then way too much tv and just hung out. Nice.
I still felt tired since yesterday when I felt sick.

Now I watch a program about Thailand and the tourist police that works there.
Like COPS but thai style. Funny! Nice old memories hahahahaha....

Well, it's time for bed. Yoga tomorrow!
Focus Focus. Shanti Shanti :)

peace love and understanding

I got sunshine... on a cloudy day! :)

There is sunshine in my soul, in my body and a big smile in my heart.
My heart is open and I will let it be open for now.
Because today is today and tomorrow is another day....

Just had Lina over for the "finest coffee".
She is so cute... :D
I still don't have a drill to fix all my shelfs and hang stuff on my walls.
I'm still waiting for a handyman that can come and help me.... gah!!

Yesterday (as I wrote yesterday) was fabulous!
The whole day was exactly as I wanted it to be.
After my blogpost yesterday it went even better.....

The beautiful Joel called me and he was mine the whooole night.
MOUHAHAHA... :D
He finally bought me my halloumi cheese (in exchange of a massage hahaha)
Had tea, music, smoked shisha (maybe I forgot the word...?)
Is it called shisha??
Then I gave him the oil massage. Nice Nice.
Good man to practise on! Oh yeah!
Bought mixed nuts and then we watched the movie MACHETE with Alex too.
And then we both fell a sleep like little kids.

So the whole friday was very nice....
And the saturday so far also have been really nice.
I just hope it will be kick ass tonight ;)



Joel and Alex... on the way to Emmaus.. couple of weeks ago! :P
Beautiful guys!

Yesterday was a very good day.
And today I am shining and smiling.

The moving went well, and I have beautiful and good friends who helped me.
The best: Miche, Fluff (Jonas), David & Jenny. And dad and his wife of course.
After moving things from Annicas apartment, mine apartment and into my new,
we were exhausted and as a tradition when you move, you have to buy pizza for everyone.
So, of course I did. And I had one as well.
It was a really long time ago I had a pizza! Yum Yum!
Joel also came to say Hello.
And then me, Jenny, Fluff went back to my apartment and everyone else went home.

Willy came over and the boys fixed my bed while me and Jenny did the kitchen. :)
I continued the whole night with 2 breaks during the whole day.
I just couldn't stop! It was too much fun!!!
But I wasn't alone and thank god for that.
Fluff was here the whole day and night. (until 02.00 am)
and we fixed alot together, we are a good teamwork!
Without him I don't know what I would have done.
THANK U FLUFFY!!!

He is such a great friend that helps me with anything. (almost anyway)
AND he likes it too, and I enjoy the company and help and like I said - great teamwork!
We listened to music, talked alot and had fun while playing cards,
eating ice-cream and drinking tea!

And finding him inside of my new walk-in closet working out (pumping his arms)
with a rubber string was just so fun :) That is Fluff for me. <3 <3 <3
He always brings a smile on my face.
He is one of the best friends I'll ever had in a really long time.

I had such a good feeling inside of me and while we were playing cards I just loved my life.
I said "This is what life is all about. I don't think I can get it any better at this moment".
I was happy and I was smiling, just as I do now!
Even if I don't see him that often anymore, I am having a really good time when I do.

The moment after I said that, I had to pick up all the cards.
We laughed and he totally ruined my moment!



Picture from 2008!

Well, this is what is inside of mine....(Or Annicas to be correct)

A BARBAPAPA figure....
I think Annica had fun this weekend! (?)
I laughed my ass off when I opened the fridge to make myself some food.



On my way out. It's getting colder every day... puhu...
I give you a picture of myself today, without glases!!

Mjaaaa...I miss Fluff... He is leaving to Barcelona soon. :(
But I've got myself a "Kryll" instead of "Fluff" now,
that will replace him, so I think I'll do just fine during the time.
But I will still miss him.

I need to sleep more. I'm getting puffy-eyes without smoking anything.
Maybe it's also called inner stress.... ??

MEDITATION TIME!!!

I look back to autum 2008.... Before I left on my big journey.
I totally forgot that feeling. Then I mean those GOOD FEELINGS!
When I went to the gym, focused on myself and just had a really cozy time at home.
I was home alot, and just because I wanted to. Just like now.
I can be home and clean the apartment, and I like it. (not every time though)
but, to have a perfect clean apartment and bed that is just made is sweet!
Sure I miss the summer and the warm climate, but damn - Swedish autum is nice!
When it's not raining and being windy though;)

Candle lights, some soft chill music and some nice tea.
And instead of "getting wasted" during the weekends,
cook a nice dinner with nice company and just enjoy life to the full.
Maybe even a movie and some cuddeling in the sofa.
That my people, that is the SHIT!
Oh I miss my sofa. Sooon my sofa, you are all mine again! :)
Well, I just need someone to cuddle with, Mario is getting pretty boring now!

And let's not talk about going jogging, just before it's too dark.
Then go home and relax and do what ever. It's so damn sweet!
That's what I did the other day with Joel, and then I had the "old good feeling" again.
Having a routine again is also nice. Everything is just so god damn NICE!

There is alot of balls in the air as we say in Swedish....at the moment.
I'm starting to study in the weekend.
Yepp, you heard me. I'm going to be a masseuse!!
And after that I can continue working on the right path...
With FRISKVÅRD, translated into english - Healthy host (?)
Gym, massage, health coach etc.
And by then I am not afraid of standing in front of people (sober)
and do a speach or be a instructor .....
Then my plan is YOGA YOGA YOGA!!
Nothing else in my head then YOGA BEBE!

There is alot of paperwork at the moment too.
Signing for the new apartment, and the old too.
I met the broker today and then we are signing contract next week =)
We both are approved! Woho!

I also got my glasses yesterday. So now I'm a nerd for real :)
But I like them...



What do YOU think??
I also did Body Pump today, and Yoga this morning.
So I'm pretty tired now.

This saturday I'm going to start my study and then after that I'm going to my sweet Daddy do!
And if Annica thought about having a party, I think I'll stay there....
Since I have to focus on the study now!
Or sleep at a friends place maybe!?

Well, this is it for me this night.

C YA'LL!

That is the number that knows it all....
(At least in Sweden anyway)

I've never tried to ask them a question, but now I saw a commercial on TV
and I thought, what the heck.... I have to try it. Just for fun!
This is a number you text in a question and they answer it!

So I asked: What is the name of the man I'm going to marry?
And I practically laughed my ass of when I got the answer.....

Answer: You are going to hook up with a guy named Robert Andersson
from Stockholm. He is a slimmed sport guy and he likes chess.
But within a couple of years when you meet him in a elevator in
World Trade Center in Stockholm he is going to be just
a normal random guy who is very kind and thoughtful.
You are going to melt when he starts to hum on your favourite song by Oasis.
14 months later, you are married.

HAHAHAHAHA....Who makes up these answers??
I want that job!!

And I guess that the song will be WONDERWALL then?? :)

Love is something that never gets boring and I don't think that you ever can talk too much about.

You can never love too much.

Love is the most important thing we have!

First you have to learn how to love though.

I thought I knew for so many years what love really was.

There are also many ways how to love.

Of course I experienced love before, but not in the same way like I do today.

And do you want to know why?

Because I learned to love myself.

It may sound ridiculous but I fell in love with myself.

And since that day I let go of my ego and

looked at myself and thought that I've been a fool for so many years.

I didn't realize the difference from LOVE  and the need of attention from others, satisfaction & fear.

 

Now I practically have a smile on my face all the time and it feels like I am in love all the time.

I am in love with everything and everyone.

ALL WE NEED IS LOVE!

Like the old saying: You can't love someone before they love themselves.

It is true. And keep that in mind!

I had this message on my board the other day from Annica.

Even if I don't do the dishes every day, she loves me.

As much as I love her. I don't think we ever had a fight, and that is friendship!

Why fight when there are so many other things to worry about?

Like I said in a earlier blog post, I think that you meet people that reflect yourself.

I keep all the loving, open-minded and people who can let go of their ego close to my heart.

You have to surrender to get something.

I also feel a lot of pain to “let go” of many of my old friends,

but when you realize that they are not your friends any longer,

there is no need to be bound anymore.

It's just time to move on and let new positive energy in to your life.

Even if you will have your memories there, you have to learn how to LIVE and LOVE TODAY!

Not tomorrow or the next day, NOW!

But it's not always easy, you have to work hard with yourself.

And of course everything has a dark side.

I am not even half way myself. Far away from perfect!

But I'm doing pretty good today.

And of course you can loose the balance and energy in your body and feel weak.

When everything is shit and everyone is assholes and idiots who does not understand you.

“Every saint has a past” is the best quote I've heard today!

I don't want to sound like I am better then anyone else or something.

I just have more understanding today and I love more.

 

But once you understand and realize this, you can slowly come back again.

When you are ready and if you are strong enough to let go of your past.

Also the Yoga made me realize soooo many things I never had realized before.

And I am not a bad Yogi only because I stop because Yoga has it's ups & downs.

When I arrived home, I stopped because I was not ready to do it 100 % like I did in Asia.

The culture is different, I am not alone anymore and this is my home.

My normal life and I have those “normal” stuff I have to do, my everyday routines!

And let's not talk about how to behave with old friends.....

“Nervous” is a good word for my behaviour and it's not until NOW I can relax.

And since it have been harder then I thought to come back home and continue a

“NORMAL” life after what I've been experienced back there, is NOT easy.

 

But I am so glad that I started yesterday and finished the initiation.

The things Daniel is teaching is almost the same as I did in Thailand.

so when I've heard the same stuff I've heard before,

I just smile and I enjoy it with so much love, peace and harmony inside of me.

This is what I love. This is what makes me happy and I never never want to stop doing Yoga!

Yoga is my life.

PEACE LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING!

Now when I am home, so many close friends leave.
And what can I do about it more then be a bit sad?
Nothing.
I am glad that they are doing something good in life and took "the" step and did it.
So the only thing I can do is to be happy for them
and hope that they ONE day will come home!
I did it myself and now it's their turn.

I am not talking about only ONE person but a couple...
But the one I mention now is FLUFF, that is one of the best guys (friends)
I have at the moment. :)
His heart is bigger then many guys I've met even if we step on
eachothers nerves from time to time.
But he is still always there, no matter what!

I know I can be a pain in the ass too.
But I can actually TALK to this guy about anything and I think that's what you have friends for.
I love this guy alot (as my friend) and I'm going to miss him alot :(
Many people who knows me, knows that I like to talk and discuss, have different opinions etc.
I analyse, research, think and try to see things from another perspective then my own.
Then I try to understand, love, feel compassion etc.

I am always (or try to) be a helping hand. And try my best.
And that's why I think it's always interesting to talk to Fluff.
Because we can talk for hours, in both good and bad but never take it too personal.

I wish that more people could open up and talk.
Have more understanding for humanity and LOVE more!
I've been (or I am) a bit secret with my own private life if you don't know me that well.
But when you show interest in to get to know me, I will let you in.
But only if you are here to stay! :)

Many people gets the wrong picture of me very often.
(And that's pretty sad)
But I show them a good and positive side really soon, so many people will get suprised!
And that's good (I hope?)

Today I'm gonna empty Fluffs apartment on his flowers and paintings.
The paintings I'm gonna take care of when he is away :)
And the flowers are all mine.
And I have to thank ELIN on this one who borrows a car for me.


I have to take care of my friends who shows to be REAL friends.
Give and take.
It's all about LOVE and now I understand that maybe I have to say goodbye to some more.
It hurts inside of me to take that step because many people
have been a big part of my life for such a long time.
But when you realize that the friendship is not from both sides I have to let go.

I cry a tear for you....

But as they say: when one door is closed, many more is open!

And I also have to say that my new friend Joel is a fucking fantastic and beautiful person.
If it weren't for Tommy, I never would have met him.
But everything happens for a reason, that's what I believe.

Now it's time for a cup of tea. It's fasting today!
Sweet.

Take care amigos that is still there!

Part of the purification is to let everything go and be satisfied with yourself.

I can say that I am happy today with where I am in life, but you have your days.

Sometimes it can take days of detoxing and suddenly you feel like shit,

The only thing you want to do is to get drunk or take something else

to numb yourself and that feeling to make the day.

And to be happy again.

 

You also feel like everyone else around you are idiots.

Your ego is getting higher and higher and then only one you think of is yourself.

That is when you have to be strong and say NO!

I am glad I can say no today even if it's hard for me,

But it's a part of the game.

 

That's why I stayed home yesterday (friday). I know myself by now.

It's confusing with all feelings and weird things going on inside of my system.

Just don't let it take over and be stronger then your mind.

Even if it feels like SYSTEM OVERLOAD sometimes,

deal with it, feel it and let it be.

If you give up, the next time will be harder then the first time.

(just a reminder)

 

Be greatful. Be thankful. Be careful.

Feel compassion.

And best of all...... NEVER STOP LOVING! Never.

Love is all we've got :)

I'm going back to memories when looking at old pictures.
Friends I've met during the years.
I like looking at pictures. They say more then 1000 words.
Strong emotions for the humanity.
I think that every single Swedish person is a spoiled brat (including myself)
comparing how the rest of the world live.
Specially after traveling in Asia.

I've met people from over the world but not so many i felt strong connection with.
But one of them I always will remember is my friend Joey from Malaysia.
I worked with this guy on the boat RAJA LAUT!
He is working hard for his money, just like the other guy Aldam.
And they are proud of what they do, and they do it with love.
He gave so much love and creativity into his food and work.
The food is more like ART.
The food blew me away even if it was so simple.





Joey to the left...

I don't know but this is a person that no matter how bad I felt at the time,
this person I will always remember being a helping hand in many situations.
And we had alot of fun as well. Joey, I miss you man!!!

The same "work feeling" can never be the same in Sweden.
We want everything to be easy and go fast.
Coffee breaks, longer lunch, less work, etc. etc.
In Asia they hardly know what breaks is.
I think that Sweden is becoming more and more like the US.
But in a muuuuuuuch better way. Just very "modern".

When they finish what they do and gives money to their family,
put food on the table etc, then you feel a sort of joy spreading around and then
you see a face of someone that has completed something good.
They feel better themself without any complaining.
That I respect alot.

I respect people that prays alot.
And specially when they pray for the food they are about to eat.
(Happend to me once in Sweden just couple of days ago)
I was in shock. Wow!

Where has all the love gone?
Stop stressing, relax and take a breath for once.
And enjoy your day.

And..... Do not WORK to live.
Live your work, and love it too!

Love more. Live more.

Something happend to me this weekend.
I don't know how to explain it but I am glad it happend.
I've connected on another level and it was exactly what I needed.
This normally never happens to me because I analyze
alot and lay low when it comes to personalities of new people I meet.

But a calm feeling came over me and I've been so relaxed.
A feeling of joy and hope came to me and inside of me the sun were shining.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes I can connect with people I've never met before and suddenly I meet them.
And they SURE can take my breath away....

Beliefs and understanding on a different level that I only thought I was aiming for.
And then you meet someone who has the same goal in life.
I was so close to loose it, but now I have the hope again.
Pretty sick for me to write this right now, but I don't care at all.

I have nothing to hide any longer. I am like an open book.
I have no idea where I am at the moment.
My head is blurry, and it's a wonderful feeling.

I fell from the tree....when I reached for the apple.

I don't know how my life would be without Knäckebröd.
I love this Swedish thing :)
In English: Crisp bread.
Or Mine and Annicas translation for it: Crack-bread!

Crack-bread, I LOVE YOU!!!

My 3 red roses.
I worked with the picture a bit and this is now my wallpaper on my new phone :)

I realized that I feel good when I'm creative.
I mean really good, and I'm feeding my brain with alot of anti stress during the process.
It's like medicin for me.
I actually like my job alot because during work I can think of interior design
and what I maybe can be able to do with my own apartment and I
focus alot of how I can be creative in the best way.

I love interior design and that is something I burn for.
Same with music, bicycle rides and when I'm not doing that,
I take photos and play with them a little bit like this.
Or paint a picture of course. True artist :)

I still have a bit hard to read....
But somehow people are giving me books for free and other weird stuff...
So I maybe should start read now?

Food is also inspiration. Cooking makes me calm as well.
I think I've found my peace.
I am so happy with the life I am living.
Things are not perfect, they never are - but I enjoy every moment of it.
And I am happy and I can't stand negative people any more.



Otherwise I like to sit on rooftops and enjoy being high up in the air.
That's where I belong. On pink fluffy clouds.
I played with the colors on this one as well....



Rest in peace little rat. I brought you a flower :)
I saw the left overs from this rat the day after when the birds have
almost finished him and there was not much left accept from the skin....
Poor thing.

It's time for me to go and see a movie tonight.
It have been ages since I was at the movies.
I think that was the movie 2012 when I was in Langkawi.

It's also time to book myself a ticket to France soon.
I'm just waiting for my money then I'm of to Paris :)

Ta ta everyone.

I spendt 30 min writing about deep weird stuff.
And I wrote it in Word and when I was suppose to copy it I deleted it.
There were alot of text and when I deleted it I
tried to start to write it again but I forgot what I wrote.
It's never the same the second time so I just write this shit down in my blog instead.

No energy or focus to start over again, I am waaaay to tired.
Haven't slept much tonight.
I had a great day with Fluff today after work.
And I have to say that I fucking love his hair.
I can't stop touching it.
I can't stop loving it, I just want to fluff it all the time....
Chick magnet, for sure.
He loves it.
But I love it more. :P

Tomorrow it's time to get my hair done I think.
From tomorrow I will not have straight hair again....
This is what I've been waiting for. finally.

Otherwise I've been spending a day of lazyness after work,
sofa, pizza in the park, bicycling and then
hanging around the skate park, Stapelbädds parken.
Last night was crazy crazy nut nut.
No details, but it was fun. More fun than I knew I could have.
Thumbs up for the outside party with kompott, open air.
More music and dance to all the people :)

I found a pink mp3 player on a bicycle last night as well. Lucky me.
And on it was really cool, heavy underground hiphop and mostly black music.
Fluff was a little bit jelaus because some songs are so underground,
that some of them are really hard to get.
Now we are talking. + points!
I have to agree, some of the songs are really good. :)

Well it's time to go to bed.
Ta taaaa

Me and my little sister Sara.

Who have many years to practise until she become perfect like me.
HAHAHA.... Or not.
But I have more then 10 years of more experience so she better catch up.
A young version of myself in that age...
Little baby girl, she have nooooo idea what's coming up!
It's going to be a suprise :)

Let the fun beging....

What if a girl walks by in this dress?
Do you get more hungry or WHAT?
Ooohhh, burger....

It is funny how you connect a song to a memory or a person.

A party or a thing you did 30 years ago.

As soon as you hear the song, you will go back in time

and remember exactly that same moment as you did back then.

An ex boy/girl friend or a breakup can tear you apart in 2 seconds.

Or a song you are use to exercise to that can make your adrenalin pump through your vains.

How our mood can change from happy to sad in no time at all.

Or the other way around.

 

I remember last summer.

When I was home in Malmö.

I lived with 2 guys in one big apartment on Möllan.

It was a hot and great summer and I was happy.

Now when I am home again 1 year later, also on Möllan but this time I live with Annica,

but kind of alone since she is not home 2 weeks a month.

 

I'm listening to the same songs as last summer since I have the same playlist

as last year on my spotify account. The weather is hot.

The sun is boiling and I am happy.

The songs bring back memories from last summer.

That summer when I left Mexico, before leaving to Asia.

It feels like the time stood still during the whole summer.

I was there, but still I wasn't.

 

I am back on Möllan and it makes me happy.

This is one of those songs that I danced to in the

old kitchen together with Fredrik in the early morning.

 

This is one of the summer songs 2009!!!

Goodnight Malmö!

Ibland blir jag förvirrad.
(Eller nej, jag ÄR förvirrad).
Ibland vill jag ta på dig bara för att jag saknar dig så.
Att känna den närheten som jag gjorde med dig.
Och då syftar jag inte på någonting sexuellt utan bara närheten som en vän.
För att jag saknar relationen som fanns.
Men den är borta och lika så du,
men jag blir förvirrad för det finns en annan person i mitt liv som påminner om dig.
Det är inte bara jag som har sagt det,
många som frågar mig vem du är och säger samma sak.
Jag hittade en ersättare.
Jag antar att du kanske inte är bra för mig.
Visst är ni olika på många sätt i utseende och personlighet,
men samtidigt så är ni så lika.
Det är verkligen inte bra men jag kan inte hjälpa att titta lite extra.

Jag vill dansa med djävulen.
Jag gillar risker, jag väljer själv och jag lär mig varje gång.
Trots att man känner sig dum ibland.
Jag kan inte hjälpa att jag dras till dom där med lite extra krydda.
Det är där jag har någonting att hämta och lära.

Man behöver lite BUS i vardagen & någon som man kan dampa lite med.
Glimten i ögat är bara ett plus i kanten ;)

Fyll upp min rastlösa vardag och håll mig i handen när vi vandrar i natten...

Since I've been spending time with friends and their family instead of my own,
I haven't had the time to write so much and I still don't so I'm just going to upload some
pictures from Midsummer and then continue out bbq that is going on,
on our courtyard down stairs.

These pictures is only from MY camera.
The other NICE pictures is coming up in another later blog post.



Shoes, shoes, shoes... what to wear?
2 girls in one appartment = Shoe problem!!!
They are everywhere!!!
Annica gave me a pair or nice sandals to wear.
From the Philipines. They look very oriental :) Likey Likey!
And I borrowed her nice Japanese dress, matches my red toes :)

I am ready to leave the big city, to the country side!!



CHEESE SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Midsummer babes :)



What would the Swedish tradition be without a moose and a midsummer pole?

More pictures later...

Awesome "WEDDING PICTURES" as Patric said.
But hey, we both are awesome photographers and the pictures are amazing!

Something to keep, that's for sure.
Specially on Annice who looks like the Swedish princesse Madelaine.
MOUHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA..............

Ciao

Have you ever thought about that WHAT YOU WANT isn't maybe WHAT YOU NEED?

You maybe want that piece of chocolate, but you don't need it.
So... The control. Can you control what you want and need?

And you can't have everything you want in life either.
You have to work hard for some things.

It's harder then you ever can imagine.
I can control it. Or at least I am trying very very hard to.

There is something I both want and need.
But it's very hard to get. But I'll never give up.

This is just a thought for you guys....

Ask yourself next time: DO I REALLY NEED IT?