ૐ It's just me ☼ Lee Lee ૐ ☮ ♥

Okey. Back to reality.

Things you do is not always right. Everyone does mistakes.
And that's when the KARMA strikes back.
Do something bad, something bad happens.
Wish for something and it goes to waste.
But everything happens for a reason.

I'm in a weird position in life right now.
Around with weird people.
One of the owners of the boat I work at came the other day and told
us that our salery is going to change in january.
January... hmm...
He gave everybody a new great offer though and he wanted me and Sherry to sign a contract.
Wow, hold your horses... Contract?
That's serious. I don't know if I want to stay here that long or what I want to do.
I really want THAT other job, I can't tell you guys yet....
Not until it's safe or 100 % sure, we are still waiting for everything.
So, I have a lot on my mind right now and JOB is not the only thing.

I have to move on, meet new people and try to leave all bad things behind.
I want to see new things, explore other parts of the world and maybe find myself a real man.
I tryed to help a friend but time after time I just got SHIT
in my face for being a good friend in deed.
It's time for me to cute the lines and sail on with my OWN
life for once and think about my own future and life.
Words don't mean a shit for me anymore that's for sure.

This time I'm gonna try to deal with my own problems for once.
I'm not gonna be someone elses helper.
It's just weirdos everywhere.

Where the FUCK is all the NORMAL People hiding???
Or, where is all the FUCKUPS like me??? Fuck the normal....

Oh, damn. Sometimes I miss my home. My bed. My cat.


Later.

What do you do on a day off while you are sailing?
I had to much of sun that day, that's for sure!
So, me and Joey were goofing around and having fun.

If I only knew the whole song. HAHAHAHA....
KAREOKE!

Enjoy

A guy told me that once. And since that day it has been stuck on my mind.

And after that I heard almost the same words from another close friend.

Something that is so powerful and strong, have to be controled.

It can be really hard sometimes but that's life. It can't always be easy.

Then you have to try harder and remember your mistakes.

 

Sometimes you wonder if things you do is right or wrong.

It takes time to figure it out sometimes, but sometimes you just know.

I know I have a strong and powerful mind and I

many times know how to control it, or think smart.

Or as I like to say : Different.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I let myself get in to weird situations

because I like it or it gives me a kick,

or if I just want to check if I can do something about the situation.

Changing things, helping people and then move on to another objects of helping.

I don't know if it's in the family but it seems like

we like to help other people before helping ourselves.

 

All of my closest friends and me got something in common.

And I can actually say almost EVERYONE.

(I can count at least 10 on my fingers.)

 

PROBLEMS.

 

Mostly missing FATHER FIGURES. Or family problems.

How come? Is it just a coinsedense or am I drawn to people

that remind me of myself or those who have problems just like myself?

But who doesn't have problems?

I don't like an easy living that's for sure.

 

I've been thinking alot of these kind of situations and I can't figure it out.

Do I want a normal life, ever? NO! (?)

But, WHAT is a normal life?

A ”normal life” is so different for everybody on this planet.

A relationship should not be perfect.

A life should not be perfect either.

If it's perfect, it's not fun anymore.

There should be drama, but you have to draw the line where.

You should feel comfertable together, have a good connection,

should grow together, love, trust and belive each other.

It should be like a best friend. But better.

 

Today I feel weird because yesterday I had too many things on my mind.

I can't put my finger on how I feel really.

My head was just spinning and working harder then ever.

I had 2 days off working but yet I can't relax and feel comfertable.

One second I feel good and happy and the next unfomfertable and unhappy.

Why is this? My life is super great, but I still feel like something is missing.

 

I guess I need to think more maybe. Or maybe less?

I really would love to have more ”alone time” right now, but it's impossible.

I'm gonna go out jogging now and see if it's helping.

It helped me alot before so I'm gonna try.

 

I'll be back later on. Ciao.

The cutest monkey ever. Here in Langkawi at least.
Mary Jane and her favorite - Tim.

Hey.

I promised Annica that I would dedicate a video for her.
Show her some stuff and record my life on board.
So, I did. Without makeup and nervous cuz the other
crew was listening to me while talking swedish.
So, Annica. This is for you.
And for everyone else as well to feel what I feel right now.
(It was 2 weeks ago btw)
For those who doesn't understand Swedish, I'm sorry hahahaha!
I'm just talking about what she is missing.

So. Enjoy.

Yeah Yeah...

I know I've been bad of keeping myself updated for a while.
I'm used to using my computer alot back home, looking at the TV and do all kinds of technological stuff.
But my life here is so different here. I haven't seen a TV in so long.
Well, I've seen one but we just watch movies, not TV.
And the internet sucks and I am on the sea alot.
It's a very different life compared to what I'm used too at home.

I don't know what to write actually.
I have alot on my mind but nothing I can write about at the moment.
My life has been the same since 2 months ago. I've been working, working and working.
We have charters, preperation, and 1 day off at the week. Not much of a private and social life at the moment.
The only people I see when I'm not around on the boat is Tim and Frida.

Everything is the same back "home" in Langkawi.
It's raining, and it's getting a bit boring. I want more sun.
When we don't have guests we have all kinds of different jobs to do.
Varnishing, cleaning, preparation and all kinds of stuff.



I cooked my lovely swedish meatballs the other day for the whole Crew.
On Frida's B-day! And Captain Rick was sooooo happy.
Well, me too. Meatballs are nice once in a while.
Same with my drinks, making good Margaritas .... it's yum yum.



When I'm not working, I'm trying to relax. But I haven't really relaxed for a while.
You can never be alone, and you are always avalible when it's something.
That's how a life on a 5 star boat is.



Sherry sneaked up on me and Tim and took a picture.
Nice.

VIDEO OF THE DAY!!!

A video of me on a boat trip with Timmy in the background on his birthday.
It was a bit windy ey??

---

And to something else....

Tears and some more tears.
But NO more tears for me now.
I guess I have to say goodbye to a very important person in my life even though I don't want to.
I don't really know how I would go on without this person in my life.
But this is for my own good.
People are selfish, and now it's my turn to be selfish too.
I am glad for the honesty and that the person admited that I was right.
I am too good for this. Way to good. And I deserve good.

People can call me smart. Too smart? And deserve stupid people around?
It's a weird way to see it, but it's true.

Now I have to varnish the deck on the boat It starts to loo really good now.
I like to do this kind of stuff, even though I act like the carpender "Mrs. Fuck"  hahaha.

Ta ta.

Wow. I wish I could write about how I feel right now.
I feel like I've been stabed in the heart 20 times.
I have never ever in my whole fucking life been treated worst like I been treated today.
This was it, it was way over the line.
So I'm puting down my foot and I am saying goodbye for ever.
It may be harder then I thought, but there was something that made it so easy for me.
Some people don't deserve to be around good people that's for sure.

From now on I'm a cold hearted bitch.

Fini,

News for the last couple of days....

Me and Sherry the other girl I work with were really close to get fired the other day.
We did a huge mistake that was not alowed on board.
We walked away witht the tail between our legs and felt really bad but what has happend has happened.
Nothing to do about it, it was to late.

Yesterday we had to work the double. we worked from 07 am to 10 pm.
Varnishing the deck, sanding and shit. Like a carpender.
I felt like "MRS. FUCK" - Swore just as much as Tim does.
Good ounishment huh. Then later that night I had to bartend for 25 people.
I did good. Captain told me I did the second best Margarita he ever tasted in his whole life
So, I hope the mararita worked and payed for my misstake the day before.
We should continue some of the varnishing in the back right now but I took a break...
Tonight is time for drinks and tomorrow is a day off. Woho.

That's all for today... or right now. I write more later. Ta ta

Open your eyes and see what's in front of you.
Instead of seeking for something you can not find.
Realise the good things in life.

It's right in front of you. Just think smart!

Sometimes I am just too kind for my own good.
I want to be so mad sometimes, but with some people I just can't.
I don't know why. I guess that I am to nice.

 

But I don't understand how people think sometimes.

Of course everyone can make mistakes but why can't people LEARN from their mistakes?

Just ONCE?

It gets me so mad when people don't care about other people. Egocentric mind!

It makes them feel good about themself for a short while and after a while

they understand what they have done and regret it.

With other words, bad selfasteam perhaps?

I don't understand how a human being can be so nice to

someone but yet so evil and don't be honest and tell the truth.

Be a backstabber and then apologize and say sorry??

How can a human act like that?

You know what? IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE!

I know that this person is going to have a bad karma for a while,

I allready know actually.

And I also know that she/he is going to regret many things in life that she/he did or did not do.

This is not really my problem I am talking about, but a friend of mine.
And I do care alot because I hate when friends got hurted.

I love my friends.

I never thought that I was ready to say these words all ready...

But....

I WANT KIDS!!!!!

Yepp, you heard me. I said it.
I want children. Or 1 to start with at least.
What does this mean? That I am ready to become an adult, 4 real???
Or am I just missing something?

Hmmmm....

Well...I guess...that...
I am just really CP!??



Picture taken by Sebastian in Thailand. Way to go!
I guess we ALL ARE CP!

Okey.... where to start?

Almost 24 hours later after I've done my tattoo I realized that it's not proper english.
FUCK.
But what can I do about it?
Laugh??... Yepp, that's exactly what I did.
Welcome to Thailand everyone!!!
I blame it on the alcohol, that I didn't pay so much attension.
I was still drunk damn it.

Instead of writing WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER,
I wrote: What doesn't kill you MAKE you stronger.
Well, What to do, what to do like Frida always says??

I'm back in Langkawi today after sailing all night.
Me and Aldam took the shift between 01:00 - 06:00 so I just woke up (kind of)
There were no room for us on the Royal marina so we had to take the other marina.
We are going to have a coctail party on board tomorrow with the new agents.
I'm gonna serve my nice sangria. (And of course beer & wine)
Hope it's gonna be fun. :)

More news, Ryan the fucking A-hole continues e-mailing our office
and tries to get captain in a really shitty situation. What kind of sucks.
The guy is a pshyco!!!

Otherwise you haven't been missing much.
I've been feeling a bit weird the last couple of days, and I have my reasons.
I am totally ok with everything again though, just need to focus on other things instead.
How shitty life is, I always try to put a smile on my face.
Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it takes me couple of tears or
screams and then I'm back on my feets again.
Sometimes I just feel stupid. Well, what to do?
I will always remember what Annica told me.
Go out on deck when nobody can see you. Look at the sea or sunset or what ever.
Sit there alone and feel how free you are. Cry if you want to.
Enjoy and let the thoughts go. It's hard but it's working!



Gonna see the boys tonight. Happy :)
Smell you later, hasta luego.

Ciao

Video no. 2 uploaded.
Lobster for dinner, fresh delivery, nice catch....

ONE Uploaded video.....
Better later then never.

Enjoy my snorkeling tour

This is what we do on our days off....
We buy masks, steal trafic cones and brooms and go crazy
and do fear factor challenges when we are drunk in Phuket!

Soooooo.... What do you do when you walk up at 7 am the next day?
You take your blanket and bounce down in the sofa and watch a movie.
And act like a pig and just grab something from the fridge....

Later, when feeling better...
we took the car down to Patong for some relaxing / shopping.
HUNGOVER SHOPPING....

BUT, One thing led to the other... Sherri wanted a tattoo.
So, I went with her and suddenly I was in the chair, doing one on myself.
HOW did that happen?? WTF!
It was my TIP money who paid my tattoo.....

It's around my ancle.
And the text says: WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

That's all for today.

Kiss Kiss

When we were at the supermarket, Tim was trying to buy me.
And Frida were trying to hold up the basket to make me fit in there....
But unlucky them, I was too big and didn't fit.
But they couldn't afford me anyway.
I AM NOT FOR SALE!!!!!

But they tryed so hard hahahaha.

Hey hey hey...

woha, must hurry up. Expensive internet. 2 baht per minute. Damn.
I got 10.000 baht from "Daddy" today.
Well, it was a part of my salary. haha.
I feel rich now. Me and Sherri went up on LAND with the guests....
Mission no. 1 = INTERNET CAFE!
We are getting bit by mosquitos too... Not so much fun.
We are on Phi Phi Island right now.
It kind of sucks that Sofie left the island and went back home.

Today have been like this:

Woke up, served breakfast.
The guests went snorkeling and me and Sherri
went on deck and did some sunbathing and reading.
Still trying to finish my book "The Truth".
Then we tried out our massage lady that the guest requested to have on board.
Nice nice. It's not like I can complain about my work.
It's the best I ever had so far.
My dilemma for today was when Aldam asked me if I wanted to swim.
My answer was: I just had a shower, and then I have to shower again.
What a shitty life ey....
But I did jump into the water again and I haven't had a shower yet Haha.

Well.... that's my boring bloging for today.
I have everything on my own computer, but I am using another one right now.
I love the sea. I want to learn how to sail and get my own boat....

Bloging continues aother day.
And more video bloging is coming up as soon as I have better internet connection.
I promised Annica a nice video hahaha.

Smell you later

PLUS FOR TODAY :

I'm gonna be totally honest with everything I write.
I know I haven't been onboard the boat for very long but....
Rick, our Swedish Captain is one of the greatest old men I've met in a long time.
He feels like a dad. A dad I never had but is not actually my dad.
Somehow I respect him as a person so much and I think he cares much about us too.

So I give him all the credit for today.



MINUS FOR TODAY:

Ryan the scuba instructor.

A letter were received from the office (my job). Captain showed me it and laughed so hard.
What a fucking asshole. But we have the office on our side and it's nothing to worry about.
The office did not reply him, the just sendt a copy to the captain and wrote:
- WOW, a nice message from Ryan.

The letter was like this:

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOME INFORMATION.
I SOLD A PADI DIVE COURSE ON THE LAST CHARTER AND
THE CAPTAIN TOLD US WE WONT REPORT IT TO THE OFFICE
AND WE CAN ALL SHARE THE MONEY.
SO THEY HAVE STOLEN FROM THE COMPANY.
WELL I DIDN'T EXCEPT IT.

I GOT FIRED BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THE NEW GIRL LEE
HAS BEEN DRINKING ALCOHOL ON THE LAST CHARTER.
SHE SHOULD BE FIRED.
SAM WITH THE CAPTAIN HE DRINKS WHILE WE HAVE GUESTS ON BOARD.
HE SHOULD BE FIRED.

I WANT ACTION TAKEN.
Thank you, Ryan D.

WHAT A FUCKING PRICK!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA....
OMG LOL




Me, driving the scooner

That's what I wrote in a sms when I arrived back to Langkawi.
It feels like home, because this is the place I stoped "My traveling"
and this is where my friends still are...

Home, Langkawi, an amazing place.
As me and Mr T said: ANOTHER ISLAND.....

As soon as we waved goodbye to the guests yesterday,
we had beer on the house from the captain and all of us
jumped into the pool with our uniform and celebrated that we have one day off tomorrow...
And that we did a great job of course.



CREW from the left: Ryan (that is no longer onboard)
Aldam, Rick the captain, me, Sherry, Joey and Chan.

As soon as we got onboard again and started to make some drinks,
my BOYS arrived just in time. I was so happy to see them.
Tim, Frida and they got Sebastian with them.
3 men for me, couldn't get any better haha.



Frida, Me, Timmy and Sebastian

Ryan, our Canadian scuba diving instructor told everyone
that he don't drink because he can not handle it.
But he drank anyway.
Later the same night when everyone was happy and smiley
he came and acted like a bitch to me.
We had a big argument and the result was that Tim
knocked him down to the ground 2 times and he
continued arguing with me because he was so drunk.
I sneaked away from the boat and called captain that was on his own boat,
just for talking but he said to me: Do you need my help on the boat
(he heard that something was wrong)
I cryed and answered .... Yeees?? Problem was salued.
Captain came down and knocked him down as well, and kicked him out from the boat.
For good. He wanted to kick him off the boat many times
before but didn't have a reason enough to do it.
And now he got a big reason, so this morning both Captain and Chan was happier then ever.
No more Ryan Doiron on Raja Laut anymore. Celebration.

The night didn't stop there either.
Well, party on the boat was over... My mood was a bit off.
But we ride down to Chenang on Tim's bike.
(I like, I like. The bike.)
Went to Rainbow guesthouse where all the guys stays and had a walk later.
Everything was closed though, AND I had NISHI (the cat)
on my head while walking down the street.
She was taking a rest on my head....

As you maybe can tell, there was alot of booz in the picture.

Woke up this morning and jus shook my head and told myself...
- Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee... Oh my oh my oh my...
Went home and went to bed, captain laughed at me when I arrived back.

No more words needed for that.

To be continued.