Life changes
People might wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life.
And to be honest, I have no idea myself except from that I’m following my intuition
and walking a path that many people might not be able to do.
Or they are not strong enough to take the step and actually do it.
Believe me, it’s hard but once you’ve done it, it’s freedom.
I’m on a spiritual journey and I’ve been trying to find a place in the world where
I can settle down and live a good life.
So far I have 2 beautiful islands that I can call homes.
And a third life in Sweden.
I am very thankful for everything that I have in my life and the experiences
that I’ve been going through for many years.
If I could recommend anything for anyone in this world, it would be : TRAVEL!
I walk my path alone and no one else can walk it for me.
Some people might take me as too spontaneous, but you have to risk a bit to live a little.
It would be nice to have someone by your side and walk the path together,
but we all have our missions in life and we can not force someone to stay by your side.
We meet everyone for a reason, that’s for sure.
To learn and to grow so we can become better human beings.
And after that, everything will fall into place.
Doing it together is strong, something I would call love.
Life is about learning.
The more you learn, the more you understand.
The more you understand, the more you realize that you don’t understand anything.
Sounds familiar?
GREAT, you are on the right track!!!
But continue to learn and in the end you will realize that you’ve
got everything you asked for, in one way or another.
But you need to open your eyes and see the signs.
And follow your intuition.
If it wasn’t because of this, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
But couple of years ago when I was the most miserable of all times,
something inside of me whispered; Never give up.
A change is going to come.
I met the right people at that time to support me and I had
this on mind all the time and look where it took me in the end.
The journey is far away from over but you just have to start
believe in yourself and that you can do it.
I’m alive, I’m stronger than I have ever been before and I learned by my mistakes.
Pieces of my puzzle are starting to fall into the right places and I didn’t have a clue myself.
Not sure if it comes with the age or the experience. Maybe both ;)
It’s been a roller coaster ride for sure, but I’m here and I still live a good healthy life.
I might not be the richest person on the planet but I learned many years ago
during a depression, that money isn’t everything.
I prefer to be happy.
Money makes me sad, but we still need it to survive.
(The world is crewl)
When you learn more about how to detach from things, you have learned a lot in life.
And when your plan crashes, you just need to have a backup plan.
If you don’t have one,
you might have to struggle for a while until you are back up on your feet again.
But don’t be greedy and don’t let things effect your ego.
Easier said than done.
The more you give, the more you get.
DON’T LIE.
Not to yourself, and not to anyone else.
What I learned today is that I believe that the people that
have been hitting rock bottom once or twice,
are the ones waking up and realizing what’s important in life.
How we could be able to change ourselves, we can help others to change.
By just being there for them.
Just by doing our best.
And not by forcing anything on to anyone (that doesn't work, believe me)
We can’t walk the path for them, the person needs to be ready for a change.
We can only inspire to create a better place, a better world.
Be inspiring towards others, be supportive, do good.
But take no shit. Believe in Karma. Focus on yourself.
It will come back to you sooner or later and that’s just how Universe works.
A bit of my daily life, a little update then:
I had one lady coming to talk to me after yoga class and asking me if I was a Yoga teacher.
Yes, how do you know?
It seems like you have a very focused mind she said.
She is correct when I'm in class, but oooh, boy...
she should know what's inside my head after the Yoga class ;)
I already got contacts for doing massages, I just need to go and buy a new massage table now.
I have barely been on the island for a week and I have been busy full time.
I am not allowed to be on the beach for couple of more days, but soon playa norte, very soon! :)
I'm trying to adjust again, to adapt to a different continent again.
Culture differences have changed my way of thinking a lot.
And the people that I've met lately have been a big inspiration for me, in both good and bad.
I detach, and the ones that wants to stay just have to follow.
I'm not a follower, I'm a leader.
There you have it.
Over and out for today.
More updates from Isla Mujeres will come soon! :)
Learn by your mistakes
If I'm going to write about yesterdays subject that came up
more than twice during the day and night,
I think I will resumé it like this...
To learn by your mistakes.
No one is perfect, thats just how it is.
We can only learn and get stronger and better from who we were yesterday.
But you need to learn how to see your mistakes coming before you make them.
Or create them.
Break old habits, and if something doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Or the opposite. But rather think twice!
Listen to yourself.
One thing I learned with the years is to be quiet.
Believe me, I can be super social.
(I'm a woman, that's just our nature, we need to speak more than the men)
But I also learned how to observe.
And the more quiet I get, the more I see.
The more I understand.
And the more I feel.
And I have to tell you that silence can be beautiful.
Speaking without words is even more beautiful.
I appriciate those people I can be like this with.
They are very few of them but they are worth gold.
And I really appriciate them. A lot.
When I can feel completely relaxed and don't have to say a word
but we still understand each other.
I believe its more of speaking with the heart than the mind.
And one thing is ALWAYS right.
Music does connect us.
I've been through it before and I believe that we all disconnect
our heart as soon as we open our mouth and the brain gets connected.
I'm still going through some old patterns, but I learn from it everyday.
I'm deleting all negative things around me.
But I always give people a second try even if it takes time.
I also see same patterns repeating with different people.
And I now choose wisely who to interact with and to be honest,
I've met so many nice people for the last few months when I've been home in Sweden.
And many of my old friends barely pick up the phone anymore.
It hurts my soul to be disconnected from some people, but I've learnt how to accept and let go.
And we meet so many wonderful people along the path we are walking.
And for sure there is always a reason why you meet certain people.
(I've said this 12234322 times before)
Yesterday I met a girl from Chile and the thing she wrote to me today made my day.
"Yes, it was a great experience to meet you too!!
You are such a inspirational soul that shows everyone that everything is possible!!!"
I give myself a pat on the back sometimes.
But I'm not letting it effect my ego.
When I know that I've done something good, I just feel good about it.
When people are honored to have met you and see you as an inspiration and wish that
they could do the same, live their lives as I do.
It means more than you think.
For me, I'm just trying to make a living and live a life abroad.
For me, my life is not different than yours.
I may have been traveling a lot, seen a lot and don't have any fear.
But that's the ONLY thing you need to get rid of.
FEAR IS THE ONLY THING THAT STOPS US!
Since I learnt how to be strong, independant and do my own thing,
I have become a big inspiration for many people I've met.
And I'm deeply deeply thankful and greatful for all this people.
Specially those who are a big support for ME.
I know I'm a strong woman and that I try to do my best in everything.
(That's the Swedish side of me)
But having people coming to you (or meeting) for some reason,
they find it easy to talk to me about anything and everything.
I love that they do that because the more they open up, the more I grow too.
Listening to stories, to see everything from another perspective.
(I seriously should study psychology)
I observe. I feel. I see.
I appriciate that a lot, but who is there for me?
The strongest women are almost always the most fragile ones.
But I learnt how to live with being like this.
An empath as I call it.
And I accepted that one of my mission on this planet is to help people.
Therefore I do my best to help someone.
Even if it just comes to listening to someone.
But trying the best that I can, no matter who it is.
I deeply appriciate people coming to me for help.
I know myself how hard it can be to beg someone for help.
(Specially when you are a Swede)
Or actually knowing and seeing the problem and not knowing what to do about it.
I just get happy when people come to me.
It's a matter of trust and respect.
And this is something I appriciate.
I feel good.
But I still need to have my higher Gurus or some inspiration myself because who
do the strong women turn to when it comes to recharging their own batteries?
This year have been one of the most crazy ones in a long long long time.
Emotionally.
And I think that it's not over yet.
So let's talk a little bit about TANTRA....
Tantra is a big subject that many people just reffer to sex.
Yes, it's sex but it's so much more than JUST sex.
I never mention to guys that I'm into tantra anymore.
(Not for newly met guys anyway)
Because everytime I've done it,
it's just sex, sex, sex and in their mind it's something else.
If they haven't read about it or taking some course of some kind.
Many people confuse it with KAMA SUTRA.
Kama sutra is mostly different sex positions.
Tantra is more a spiritual connection and how to grow together.
To become one.
To reach a deeper consiousness.
Into the devine.
For some people it's about GOD.
I'm not so much into the whole GOD part,
I believe in something bigger than God. And always have been.
During my Tantra 1 & 2 workshop at Agama Yoga on Koh Phangan,
I learned the difference between sex and love.
It's 2 completely different things that people confuse one with the other many times.
I was an expert of this before.
And it is hard to seperate them sometimes.
Sometimes very hard.
I think that this was one of the things I liked the most.
I liked both workshops a lot.
And we learned much more (even how to deep throat a banana hahahaha)
And just to make things clear, there is NO SEX going on in the workshops.
This you have to do on your spare time in your rooms.
It is a Tantric community I lived in, and most of the people are very open to everything.
Even when it comes to sharing partners.
This is something that is hard for me.
I believe that you love everyone in different ways and some may touch your heart
in a different way than the other.
To be willing to share what you have with someone but including other partners,
it feels like my energy goes to waste to someone else. Maybe I'm wrong.
I have never been into the whole "sharing partner thing" and don't think I ever will.
But who knows in the future?
I believe that sharing your energy with many people is not so good.
Why not focus at one at the time?
And letting that grow instead?
I've been finding my own partners and only the first one was in the community.
But I left him to go to Mexico and never saw him again.
I have been in another mind blowing "relationship" that I can't even put down in words.
The most intense, but the most perfect I had.
But... he didn't know Tantra, but it was exactly what we had!
On all the levels.
It was just too perfect that he didn't know how to handle it.
The most powerful thing I've experienced on those workshops is a TRANSFIGURATION.
So what is a transfiguration?
The picture ALMOST shows you.
You can do it with anyone you like, you don't have to have a partner.
But it's a good way to get to know the other person.
The focus is eye gazing.
You should sit in front of each other, cross legged or how ever you feel comfortable.
Look your partner (or who ever you are doing it with) deep into their eyes.
You will look at this person as a goddess or god and see the beauty of him/her.
And love the person no matter what, just give and just feel.
To get a good connection, you should hold your hands in a special way as well.
And don't loose your eye contact.
They say that the gate to reach the soul is through the eyes.
And I have to say that it's something magical with this.
We did it in the workshops and I was totally blown away by the guys.
Some men I got scared of, some felt creepy, some wanted to fuck me,
some really felt strong, some loving and some men were absolutely beautiful
and really touched my heart.
People I've never met before, never said a word to.
I have even started crying while doing this to certain people.
I will never forget one man, his eyes and characteristics were exactly like my grand fathers.
He gave me a big smile and I couldn't hold my tears in.
It was him to me.
Then we moved on to the next person and I never saw the man ever again.
Back to the subject:
You should not talk and you should at least try not to giggle or laugh.
It's hard for many people because it can get you into a very "awekward" situation sometimes.
Sometimes in this moments when you feel completely naked.
And you can be naked while you do it too, but I was reffering to the soul.
You are showing the true you and it's absolutely beautiful.
I believe that it's just the matter of how much you desire the other person.
How a look can change everything.
Build up an energy, a tension between two souls.
To feel a spark or a light in the other person and within yourself.
And keep it alive and not letting it die.
It's pretty easy to let it die after couple of years of a relationship.
I have tips for that too! ;)
And you help each other to open up and grow together (if both are willing to)
Male and female energy.
Yin & Yang.
Sun & Moon.
Plus & Minus.
When it comes to the man, here is the fun part for them.
And the main thing for them is not to come.
No load. No sperm. No cum. Save it mister!
It's hard and it takes a lot of practice, but I believe that it can work.
I KNOW it works.
And it doens't mean that you should STOP having sex.
Yes you can do this to, to save the energy.
But then you are not doing Tantra, that is celibacy.
And how fun is that??
For sure you have to take breaks many times,
You have to work together on this.
It doesn't happen over a night.
There are specific breathing excercises for this, doing headstand and other things.
First time I experienced this, I didn't know how to react.
It was something new and it's still new to me.
I'm far away from the advance teachers on the school.
But for sure it helps even if it feels like you are going
back to the unexperienced "sexy time" in the beginning.
And when this is complete, you have a desire for your lover,
you are automatically more passionate,
loving and you automatically build up a sexual feeling.
And you just want more and more and more!
How great is that!?
In my own experience I take it very slow if the man is not experienced.
It's new and it can be very intense for some people.
I realized that I am already a person who can be pretty intense
and in these situations it can get too powerful for some people.
And we all have different energies so with some people
it won't even come up as a subject to talk about.
"Just weird hippie talk".
But if you actually can manage to have a GOOD relationship
AND GOOD SEX with the help of TANTRA,
WHY wouldn't you want to go for that?
To learn how to evolve, grow and have multiple
orgasms and lovely pleasures at the same time?
Of course everyone is different and like different things but,
then I just have to add: TALK. Communicate.
If not with words, with body language.
Look behind her/him and look within.
BE RESPECTFUL!
There are also many rituals and prayers for love making in Tantra.
Before and after.
But to be honest, this is not my cup of tea.
Or maybe I'm not just there yet.
So I won't go into that some more.
If you are interested in knowing more about TANTRA,
Please watch this 7 min video of Swami Vivekananda Saraswati,
who is ONE of my Gurus.
Much love and sex to everyone!
This is not even the beginning.
If there is any woman who is good when it comes to games, it's me.
Not because I like to play them, but I know many of the rules.
I stayed away from them many times,
but I also learned my lessons myself and won't go down a rabbit hole again of mistakes.
Even if I think I already am somehow.
I grew up with brothers and with male friends mostly.
That's why I'm not a girly girl.
And therefore I also learned to look for the warning signs when it comes to some people.
Some people just have the glow of "Trouble" while others have the glow of an angel.
I've been thinking about this and how everything is just actually a mirror.
(Everything is always a fucking mirror)
And yes, I know. I have those 2 sides too.
But the question is, how do the men look at me?
It would be interesting to know.
Most people ALWAYS get the first picture of me totally wrong.
Many people have admitted.
Most of the times it's easy to tell on the person, but I always go with the "gut feeling".
I've been blown away by many of them who showed me the exact opposite.
Both good and bad. But I learned that we all do have 2 sides.
Me too. And I get it.
You might want to impress someone or actually just show your good side.
I have to say that I'm a SUCKER for smart guys.
And spiritual.
But, since they are so smart, it's even more dangerous.
Some people might see me as a very good person
that does the right thing and have things under control.
I like to have control of what I do, that's true.
But nothing is under control actually.
I'm spontanious, I got my shit straight but I'm led by the Universe.
I know my path.
And everything that happens, happens for a reason.
Sometimes it's just very nice to let go.
I'm not perfect either. I'm not an angel.
But I'm pretty much an observer.
I have a easy way of reading people.
To feel what they feel.
I'm good with empathy and those who most of the time show
this tough side are the ones who actually needs the most love.
I never extragerate, I am just myself and that's enough.
I can be too much anyway! :P
Many people say that I just got a lot of everything and I create an intense energy they weren't preparied to.
Maybe something they have never felt before or letting them find a new side of themselves.
They feel good about themselves with me, while some can feel that I'm too good for them.
Look - We're all the same!
You are just as good as me. And vice versa.
Some people are harder to read than others and that's mostly just a challenge for me.
That's why it gets interesting. A little mission.
But I still don't like games and I like to stay outside of them.
I want respect and honesty. (There it comes again)
Specially as a woman. Men here don't show so much respect to the women.
Or, they think that we are stupid. Oh boy, you are so wrong!
But please continue to convincing your self that ;)
My plan is just to plant a little seed of positivity in them. (The ones who needs it)
And believe me, there are more people out there who needs it more than you ever thought!
And for some reason many guys come to me for advice, just talk, hang out etc.
And it's pretty obvious if they want more or not.
They like my "buena vibra". And I can't blame them! ;)
I have many guy friends out there,
but I haven't touched anyone in a long time. Too long.
So for those who think I get laid every weekend, the answer is NO!
One thing that have been bugging me since january this year have been language barriers.
It's going to be a change of that now.
It took 6 months to get things straight over here but I'm finally ready.
I started practicing every day already, but only with Duolingo so far.
I start my studies end of November.
I have started to hanging out with couple of latino guys (who knew!)
The one introduce me to the other, while they introduce me to another one.
And of course this god damn small town, all of them know eachother.
(Stay close, but not too close, reminder to myself)
And so it goes. And all of a sudden I hang out with all of them.
And I learn and observe. I know how it works.
I knew from before, but having latino friends in Malmö is different.
2 complete different cultures.
And even here it's difficult.
Not as much as I went through already but it can only get easier from here.
And they all want you to speak spanish to them.
Of course.
I understand that too.
Of course they all want one who speaks their mother tounge.
(I can't say the same)
Me, the lazy one feels pretty good with English when I know I can make myself
heard and understood in that language.
The only problem is with the ones who doesn't really speak English.
Who are just as lazy as myself.
But at least I try my best.
And I HAVE too try, learn, google translate and write to get it to stick in my airy minded head.
But, it's harder to speak and it has been hard many times.
Specially when you mix the sentences up and you believe that something
means one thing but it means the complete opposite.
Got to love life sometimes.
That's all from me today.
But you and me, we are far away from finished with each other.
I told you to be patient, that was all.
Love takes time.
