This is not even the beginning.

If there is any woman who is good when it comes to games, it's me.
Not because I like to play them, but I know many of the rules.
I stayed away from them many times,
but I also learned my lessons myself and won't go down a rabbit hole again of mistakes.
Even if I think I already am somehow.
I grew up with brothers and with male friends mostly.
That's why I'm not a girly girl.
And therefore I also learned to look for the warning signs when it comes to some people.
Some people just have the glow of "Trouble" while others have the glow of an angel.
I've been thinking about this and how everything is just actually a mirror.
(Everything is always a fucking mirror)
And yes, I know. I have those 2 sides too.
But the question is, how do the men look at me?
It would be interesting to know. 
Most people ALWAYS get the first picture of me totally wrong.
Many people have admitted. 
Most of the times it's easy to tell on the person, but I always go with the "gut feeling".
I've been blown away by many of them who showed me the exact opposite.
Both good and bad. But I learned that we all  do have 2 sides.
Me too. And I get it.
You might want to impress someone or actually just show your good side.
I have to say that I'm a SUCKER for smart guys.
And spiritual. 
But, since they are so smart, it's even more dangerous.
Some people might see me as a very good person
that does the right thing and have things under control.
I like to have control of what I do, that's true.
But nothing is under control actually.
I'm spontanious, I got my shit straight but I'm led by the Universe.
I know my path.
And everything that happens, happens for a reason.
Sometimes it's just very nice to let go.
I'm not perfect either. I'm not an angel.
But I'm pretty much an observer.
I have a easy way of reading people.
To feel what they feel.
I'm good with empathy and those who most of the time show
this tough side are the ones who actually needs the most love.
I never extragerate, I am just myself and that's enough.
I can be too much anyway! :P
Many people say that I just got a lot of everything and I create an intense energy they weren't preparied to. 
Maybe something they have never felt before or letting them find a new side of themselves.
They feel good about themselves with me, while some can feel that I'm too good for them.
Look - We're all the same!
You are just as good as me. And vice versa.
Some people are harder to read than others and that's mostly just a challenge for me.
That's why it gets interesting. A little mission.
But I still don't like games and I like to stay outside of them.
I want respect and honesty. (There it comes again)
Specially as a woman. Men here don't show so much respect to the women.
Or, they think that we are stupid. Oh boy, you are so wrong!
But please continue to convincing your self that ;)
My plan is just to plant a little seed of positivity in them. (The ones who needs it)
And believe me, there are more people out there who needs it more than you ever thought!
And for some reason many guys come to me for advice, just talk, hang out etc.
And it's pretty obvious if they want more or not.
They like my "buena vibra". And I can't blame them! ;)
I have many guy friends out there,
but I haven't touched anyone in a long time. Too long.
So for those who think I get laid every weekend, the answer is NO!
One thing that have been bugging me since january this year have been language barriers.
It's going to be a change of that now.
It took 6 months to get things straight over here but I'm finally ready.
I started practicing every day already, but only with Duolingo so far.
I start my studies end of November.
I have started to hanging out with couple of latino guys (who knew!)
The one introduce me to the other, while they introduce me to another one.
And of course this god damn small town, all of them know eachother.
(Stay close, but not too close, reminder to myself)
And so it goes. And all of a sudden I hang out with all of them. 
And I learn and observe. I know how it works.
I knew from before, but having latino friends in Malmö is different.
2 complete different cultures.
And even here it's difficult.
Not as much as I went through already but it can only get easier from here.
And they all want you to speak spanish to them.
Of course. 
I understand that too.
Of course they all want one who speaks their mother tounge.
(I can't say the same)
Me, the lazy one feels pretty good with English when I know I can make myself
heard and understood in that language.
The only problem is with the ones who doesn't really speak English.
Who are just as lazy as myself.
But at least I try my best.
And I HAVE too try, learn, google translate and write to get it to stick in my airy minded head.
But, it's harder to speak and it has been hard many times. 
Specially when you mix the sentences up and you believe that something
means one thing but it means the complete opposite.
Got to love life sometimes.
That's all from me today.
But you and me, we are far away from finished with each other.
I told you to be patient, that was all.
Love takes time. 


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