Ego or self worth?
Being an alpha female is not always easy.
Taking care of yourself when no one else does, isn't easy either.
I've been talking about EGO a lot lately and that I've been
experiencing a lot of ego lately.
Of course there are many ways of being ego.
Just 2 days ago, I felt that the person in my presence was very selfish and ego.
I reflected it with myself and they say that when you see something in someone,
it's normally a reflection of yourself.
And I say, Yes it is. Always.
But don't you need to be a bit ego in this world?
Yes, but to a certain point...
So, where do you draw the line?
I think it's when there is no love,no compassion and no empathy.
But who am I to judge?
And who are you to judge me?
I don't know your story, and you don't know mine.
The only thing I can do in a situation like that is to take the feeling with me,
that I saw in the person, even if I don't like it and try to change MYSELF.
And I will TRY to not feel angry towards the person.
I know I have a ego, but I also have it because of a reason.
I can restrict myself with my feelings (sometimes).
Why do we humans do this?
Well... first of all, to save ourselves from getting hurt.
To be strong, to survive and to be able to keep going.
People always see me as a very strong young woman that walks my own way.
I don't go with the flow, I AM THE FLOW.
But how strong is the strongest, for real?
I love being around the same minded people.
Strong, smart and independent people.
But once you get to know these people,
you see that they are humans too.
They have feelings and emotions too.
(Well, some of them are good at not showing)
(This is a very good example of what I want to say with this blog post)
Most of the time, I soften after a while (depends on the situation)
And when I do, I many times end up hurted.
Same when it comes to traveling.
Traveling makes you harder, for sure.
In many many ways.
So, the only thing for me to do is to be self centered and take care of myself.
It's just easier that way.
That doesn't mean that I don't care about others, because I do.
Way too much.
But it comes to a certain point,
specially now when I'm "back in reality"
when you need to start to take responsibility again.
Just thinking about myself is like a protection I use.
I am aware of it and I'm working on it, to be less ego.
But at the same time, don't get too fucking close to me.
Like I said, being an alpha female is not always easy.
Or just being strong.
Me, myself doesn't like to show myself weak for someone that I don't know.
Specially not men.
It takes trust, friendship and love to see this part of me.
And men have this wicked view of a woman.
We cry, we complain, we do this, we do that... list is long.
(Yes men, seriously, I've been hanging out with dudes my whole life)
And the more psycho bitches they have been with,
the more fucked up view they have of a woman.
I've heard ALL their stories.
It's just the TRUTH, so please don't say anything else.
And we women are the same.
That's also truth.
No one is better than the other.
So what do I do in this situation?
I get cold, hard and bitchy when the only thing I need is love.
I don't want to talk (except with few people)
I know I'm not like other women.
But I still AM a woman.
I know I'm good, I know I've got a lot that other women hasn't.
And many men have dreams of having someone like me.
But it takes an alpha MALE to take care of an alpha female.
THAT is also true.
And from my experience, there are very few MEN out there.
I'm honest and I can say that I can be cold sometimes,
but I would never stop loving someone.
Doesn't matter what you have done.
To be honest, I have too much love inside of me.
Both for myself and towards others.
I love many people, different kind of love of course.
But... once you start to love yourself, you can love others.
If you start with that, everything will fall into place.
More love and less ego.
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