Alone time, friendship or just confirmation?
First of all I have to say that my comment in my earlier blogpost is
so true (Well, I wrote it myselft) but when someone else write it and confirm it
It makes me cry. Yes, I'm crying at the moment.
Sometimes it's just about confirmation. = Love.
People show too little of this. Love.
Some people don't even know what love is.
It makes me more sad and want to cry even more.
I'm happiest when I'm just me.
When I'm just alone.
When I don't care about anything or anyone else than just myself.
I put so much energy on everything around me.
My friends for exemple.
I've stopped doing that now and I have so much time left.
I don't forget my friends, I am still here and I know that they are too....
But, sometimes you put too much energy on someone
and sometimes disapoint yourself.
Yes, it's the damn head spinning again.
So.... it's my own fault, I know.
If my friends want to hang out without me, be my guest.
And if they forget me, over and over again - they are not really friends.
Friendship have to be active on both sides, not just one.
Even if you have breaks from each other it's not just
one person who have to update the friendship.
I'm just so tired of being the one who is being active in every friendship.
So, when I stop - people will get mad and blame ME!
Okey, it's my fault....ok....OK??
I think more clearly now then I did a year ago.
A year ago, I was full of hormons and they did my thinking .....
The hormons didn't last for so long but something took
control over my body and I couldn't think clearly.
It didn't last for so long, but the hormons did for almost a year,
Because today I can say that I feel better.
It "damaged" my body and confused my blond brain even more than before.I work to fix it everyday. And I'm on my way.
But if I write in a positive way about this damn hormons,
I'm ready to do it all over again - but this time for real.
I can't look back of what I did and didn't do, it's gonna make me sad.
So I focus on the NOW and what I am able to do later....
And NO, I don't regret anything.
So, what do this have to do with friendship?
I'll tell you. I haven't been the smartest woman on earth,
but I will say sorry to many friends.
My words can be hard sometimes, but at least they are honest.
Because... like everything else, it's my fault.
Blame someone, blame me. I actually don't care if you do.
I don't feel sorry.
I'll rather blame myself too than someone else.
I KNOW that I am a kind, loving and honest person.
And I have a good behavior. I do.
I do never wish to harm anyone or hate someone.
Sometimes I am TOO honest, and sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut.
Some people think I am a bitch because of this...
So, that's why I'm telling you - Blame me!
But I am proud (sometimes too proud) of who I am and I will never change.
Yes, maybe I can practise on what I want to say before I say it.
(I know my flaws too)
So, don't you think it would be so much more easier to just be alone?
I think so....
I want to be left alone, cuz then I could'nt get hurted.
Yes... I get hurted too.
Alot. Just like anyone else.
I know I'm not alone on this one, and same with you.
Give me your thoughts.
Peace & Love
Kommentarer
Postat av: Pete Adams (@YogiSinzapatos)
i've said this before i know but i really like the way you write Lee. You should know i intend to start an Agama Yoga school at our community here in Mexico. Perhaps you could would like to come and help get it going & earn yourself some "cambios" which you could use toward a teacher training course? (i don't give up easily -)
Peace & Love back at ya'
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