ૐ It's just me ☼ Lee Lee ૐ ☮ ♥

Now I start to realize what P said to me makes sense.

To begin with I thought ”Well, it can't be that hard?”

He said that ”During the course, you are probably wanna quite,

because it's gonna be hard, but what ever you do, don't give up, go on every class”

Today is one of those days when I feel : WTF is going on?!

I really like the Yoga and I know that it do me good in the length.

But to do it 6 hours a day is starting to become like going back to school.

Wake up in the morning on time, focus and have lecture.

So I am not just talking about the psysical exercises.

It's taking hard on me mentally as well.

The only thing that I can think of is when I can go home to Sweden again.

Couple of months ago, I never thought that I would say it.

I never had it on my mind. Never.

I still want to continue traveling, but I need a rest.

I want my friends! I want my home, my city, my things,

my room, my bed, and all the LOVE that I've missed from

all the people that actually CARE 4 real about me, and I care about too...

Then I notice that my ischias nerve is starting to be painful again.

I can't move and it's getting worse every day.

Last night I had a bad sleep, the bed I have isn't the best either.

So I'm gonna do some more exercises now,

I talked to our teacher about it and it will go away after a while.

But I feel like a retard. Again.

I always had the problem with contracting my muscles too much.

And where I don't need it, for exemple my neck.

So now I'm waiting for a massage, on my ass and where I'm stiff.

The wheel pose is getting better, but I still can't come up.

Still need more strenght in my arms. Feel retarded again.

We also have done the half headstand. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

My pinkies, no the whole hand hurted like a M.F.

And my forehead. And my ass.

And then the nerve in my legs, the pain steaming down from my spine,

down my ass and all the way down my left leg. Great.

I AM SOOO MOTIVATED FOR THIS RIGHT NOW! NOT!

I am tired and the more I move or do something the more tired I get.

It's not like last week at all, when I had sooo much energy.

I just want to lay in bed all the time and DIE!

I just want to scream : Leave me alone..........

Afternoon class totally knocked me out mentally.

I felt anger and anxiety. WHY? I don't know!

I was really deep depressed.

Suddenly things from my childhood popped up in my head.

Feelings and thing that have been buried for years and years.

That I've actually forgot and moved on.

But we were actually lectured that this may happen.

So, I guess that everything finally is coming up?

We were told that the human mostly carry around stuff deep within,

and get heavier and heavier.

Now it's time to deal with it I guess.

How this works, I have no idea actually, but it did.

On me anyway. I am really emotionell and exsausted.

And the only thing I could kill for right now is someone to hold me.

Somone to have close. Someone to talk to. Someone who were there FOR ME!

When I NEED it. But no, no one there.

I am and have been isolated from everything for 2-3 weeks now.

I do have my computer, tv, food and I can go anywhere I want.

But I do this for a purpose. So I choose not to.

But now I just feel like shit and want to go nuts.

I guess it's getting better tomorrow.

Until then.. Goodnight and sleep well....