Confirmation and thinking
Today I realised that I have not by any chance the urge or need for a drink.
Or smoke, or drugs.
Sometimes I do, but most of the time it's just because I want to socialise
and that's the easy way and what everyone else does too.
I now realised that maybe I hang around or meet wrong people?
And the only time I do drink or smoke is because I feel off track in life.
I may need attention, feel depressed, nervous, stressed or I got hurted etc etc.
I choose (like many other) the easy way out sometimes.
Which I know is wrong. But hey, I'm only human!!!
The only time I drink because it tastes good, is maybe when I mix my own drinks.
Or buy a expensive wine to enjoy to my dinner that I have cooked.
I have been drinking alot in my life, and by that I mean ALOT!
And I remember when Göran on the gym told me:
- Lee, I want you to be sober for a month.
I laughed. ME? And I tried my best but it was hard.
I managed 3 weeks. This was november 2008.
It's not THAT long ago, but long enough to say that I have
changed my thinking and my lifestyle alot.
Actually, he made me realise that I was not living a healthy life, even if I thought so.
After not drinking so much, I realised that I was not only looking better,
I also was feeling better and had more energy to do other stuff.
I lost alot of weight because of that and working out.
There were not those complications that appears when you are drunk either.
And going to a party sober was fun,
because then you see all the people being drunk and stupid.
Sometimes it was hard, but then I just left.
Because who wants to sit on a party and be boring?
I am not boring!
I could not do this couple of years ago.
But today's different. If something doesn't interest me, I leave.
When I then started to travel in january 2009, I hitted the breaks for a while.
To get away from "home", meet new people, party, socialise and maybe have a fling.
Who knew what waited me? I grew stronger and stronger.
Lived my life, relaxed and just didn't give a shit.
After a while I got tired, lost my energy and got lazy again.
I got home, worked out at the gym during the summer when I was home. (4 months)
This was not enough since I started to drink and eat unhealthy again.
I realised that I was influent by many friends.
"just one beer" or "But a pizza on a sunday is a must"
I'm a sucker ok?
I have some friends that doesn't drink and I feel totally relaxed with them.
And those who drink too much,
I try to avoid as much as I can otherwise I got influent too much.
In the end of August 2009, me and a friend of mine went to TURKEY together.
I had ONE drink on the whole trip, I felt really really good during that trip actually.
I was relaxed and comfertable.
And I did not have to drink to meet a guy or socialise.
And let's not talk about the sex.
I also had 20 times more fun being sober, but just being me!
Lately I haven't been myself.
I also think this is because I don't have those people around me
that I feel safe and secure with.
Those people I trust or talk to me when ever.
I have been there for many on my trip, listened and get advice.
Wasted time, money, energy and love....
Because when you give, you hope to get something back.
But who has been there for me (FOR REAL) when I needed it?
Only ONE that I can remember.
And his name is Joey Jinius.
( I am not talking about my friends from back home that I met here )
2 days ago, when I had my talk to my friend I broke down.
I sat on the bathroom floor and cried like a baby.
Only because I realised so many things, and I felt so good afterwards.
I felt so good that I got anxiety over it.
I don't have many troubles I worry about, but those I have I try to deal with.
Sometimes I just need to be CONFIRMED.
Like many other people.
You need someone to tell you that you are awesome and good.
Or that they love you or other stuff.
Or sometimes when someone hurted you,
the only thing that is needed is a "SORRY".
This is it for today...
Later.
Or smoke, or drugs.
Sometimes I do, but most of the time it's just because I want to socialise
and that's the easy way and what everyone else does too.
I now realised that maybe I hang around or meet wrong people?
And the only time I do drink or smoke is because I feel off track in life.
I may need attention, feel depressed, nervous, stressed or I got hurted etc etc.
I choose (like many other) the easy way out sometimes.
Which I know is wrong. But hey, I'm only human!!!
The only time I drink because it tastes good, is maybe when I mix my own drinks.
Or buy a expensive wine to enjoy to my dinner that I have cooked.
I have been drinking alot in my life, and by that I mean ALOT!
And I remember when Göran on the gym told me:
- Lee, I want you to be sober for a month.
I laughed. ME? And I tried my best but it was hard.
I managed 3 weeks. This was november 2008.
It's not THAT long ago, but long enough to say that I have
changed my thinking and my lifestyle alot.
Actually, he made me realise that I was not living a healthy life, even if I thought so.
After not drinking so much, I realised that I was not only looking better,
I also was feeling better and had more energy to do other stuff.
I lost alot of weight because of that and working out.
There were not those complications that appears when you are drunk either.
And going to a party sober was fun,
because then you see all the people being drunk and stupid.
Sometimes it was hard, but then I just left.
Because who wants to sit on a party and be boring?
I am not boring!
I could not do this couple of years ago.
But today's different. If something doesn't interest me, I leave.
When I then started to travel in january 2009, I hitted the breaks for a while.
To get away from "home", meet new people, party, socialise and maybe have a fling.
Who knew what waited me? I grew stronger and stronger.
Lived my life, relaxed and just didn't give a shit.
After a while I got tired, lost my energy and got lazy again.
I got home, worked out at the gym during the summer when I was home. (4 months)
This was not enough since I started to drink and eat unhealthy again.
I realised that I was influent by many friends.
"just one beer" or "But a pizza on a sunday is a must"
I'm a sucker ok?
I have some friends that doesn't drink and I feel totally relaxed with them.
And those who drink too much,
I try to avoid as much as I can otherwise I got influent too much.
In the end of August 2009, me and a friend of mine went to TURKEY together.
I had ONE drink on the whole trip, I felt really really good during that trip actually.
I was relaxed and comfertable.
And I did not have to drink to meet a guy or socialise.
And let's not talk about the sex.
I also had 20 times more fun being sober, but just being me!
Lately I haven't been myself.
I also think this is because I don't have those people around me
that I feel safe and secure with.
Those people I trust or talk to me when ever.
I have been there for many on my trip, listened and get advice.
Wasted time, money, energy and love....
Because when you give, you hope to get something back.
But who has been there for me (FOR REAL) when I needed it?
Only ONE that I can remember.
And his name is Joey Jinius.
( I am not talking about my friends from back home that I met here )
2 days ago, when I had my talk to my friend I broke down.
I sat on the bathroom floor and cried like a baby.
Only because I realised so many things, and I felt so good afterwards.
I felt so good that I got anxiety over it.
I don't have many troubles I worry about, but those I have I try to deal with.
Sometimes I just need to be CONFIRMED.
Like many other people.
You need someone to tell you that you are awesome and good.
Or that they love you or other stuff.
Or sometimes when someone hurted you,
the only thing that is needed is a "SORRY".
This is it for today...
Later.
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