No expectations
I know that I take a long time when it comes to my updates.
yeyeyeye...
I just have too many things on my mind.
And I've been having a lot of people around me lately.
I do like to spend some time along once in a while and
do all the necessary things that needs to be done.
(Organised mind)
But, I know I will have that time before I go home.
So, I've just been having a social life since I got back on the island.
Yes, I finished my English techer training on the 24:th.
YAY! You can now call me an english teacher.
I went back to Koh Phangan the 25:th (on Fullmoon) together with Megan.
Megan wanted to experience a Fullmoon party to the maximum,
so I thought... I might just take her there.
And DID she experience it to max? Oh yes she did!!!
And... man... I don't know if the first one or the last one was better.
Both were pretty good.
Accept that I came home with injured knees, but it was worth it.
And I actually slept around 05-06 (am) and not 12.00 like the last time.
Megan and I did split up quickly though, and she had a more rough time than I had.
I had to pick her up in Haad Rin around 10.30 ish... So you can imagine.
Took her days to recover...
During the time she spent here with me, we went jungle trekking to Bottle Beach.
1,5 hour walk up and down the mountain to "Bottle beach".
You follow around 650 plastic water bottles on the little "road" they made there....
And we took a taxi boat back.
She also told me that she attracts Brazilian guys a lot. That's her thing.
They find her. And many of her ex boyfriends are Brazilian.
I haven't met so many "latinos" in general in Thailand.
BUT, since I've been spending time with Megan lately, they all showed up.
Everywhere, from nowhere...
I definitely want to go to South America. A lot.
I have to say that I surprised myself by listening to what Swami told me.
"How would you know if you never give it a try?"
So, I gave it a try without expectations.
One word: AMAZING!
I love my life. Good times. Good memories.
Thoughts and plans
I talked to "the man" at home yesterday.
And by "the man" I mean my best friend.
Jonas. Who I live with.
I had to talk to him about my future plans.
And HIS future plans too.
Since I'm going home for 2 months and then probably leave again.
I'm going to be home for a "vacation" and I need to save all the money I have.
And I'll have to make some money when I'm home too.
MASSAAAAGE!!!!
Which means that our talk was mostly about money and plans.
I'm not going to pay rent when I come home to my own house.
Which was a hard thing to ask for, but he agreed to it.
It's a lot of money for me if I'm going to go back here.
He is going to make my massage room into Liams own "bedroom/playroom".
Liam is his kid and I understand that he will need his own room.
The little kiddo is growing. And he is super cute.
Sadly, Jonas is going to start looking for a new appartment soon.
Mostly because he has a kid that is growing up,
and living in the same appartment as me, maybe won't be the best.
And he doesn't know when I'll come home and neither do I.
If I ever DO come home... Who knows?
It hurts me when I think about it.
We did share great memories in that house.
Even if I'm not home, thinking about NOT living with him is like salt in a open wound.
I'm not ready for a "svensson life" as we call it in Swedish.
(The avarage person who gets a house,kid,dog and volvo together)
Thinking about it makes me sick.
I don't mean with Jonas, but in general.
I did think that I was ready for it couple of times, to settle down.
Well, I'm not!!!
I do want a kid, but living inside of a bubble,
being afraid of everything and being so politicaly correct SUCKS!
That's what I mean with being a "svensson".
One of those moms that are super afraid that your kid will fall or what ever...
I can't stand those kind of people.
It's not living. It's closing yourself to the outer world.
And being materialistic... that's even worse!!!!
Let's not talk about it haha...
I love my life here.
I love Koh Phangan.
I don't really like Samui or the rest of Thailand THAT much.
I feel at home on Phangan.
It has all the hippies, nice nature, not so much traffic and it has 2 sides.
One "bad side" (full moon party side) and one good side... The Yogic side...
What more can you ask for?
A JOB!!!!!
I need to start working on my CV ASAP and start looking.
Hopefully, the other man in my life (Marcello)
will come with me in september.
Marcello and I, have been friends for more than 10 years.
WOW, I'm getting old. FUKK!
Well.... that's all for me at the moment.
There you have some of my thoughts and plans for today.
We'll see what happens tomorrow :P
LOVE
Where does the wind take me?
My only problem in this life is money.
(isn't it like that with everyone?)
I see myself as a very free spirit, being where I am today.
What I did so far during this year, have been one of the biggest challenges in my life.
And really trying to STAY here without having a 100 % income is hard.
That's why I'm doing a TEFL course, to become an english teacher.
I CAN'T manage to survive on Yoga. I'm sad to say it.
Maybe if I get a teaching job in Chiang Mai and yoga at the same time?
But there is still so much stuff that I need to go through...
And when it comes to my own practice too. I don't know if I'm ready.
To get a job on an island like Samui or Phangan after the course is hard.
It's easier to get a job on main land. But I don't want to work on main land.
I want to be on Koh Phangan. That's my island.
Just like Isla Mujeres is "my island"
I can get a job everywhere in the world, but I am not done with Thailand.
Today I'm opening up my own bank account.
That's a big step.
But I'm still not convinced about if I'm going to go home for 2 months
and take my drivers licence and go back, or if I'm just going to stay here...?
It seems to me that, enjoying a Swedish summer, see my friends,
fix some paperwork and go back in september and have a job waiting
for me when I come back... seems better...
I just have to be 100 % that the work will be there when I come.
That's my money waiting.
I'm just afraid of being stuck. In Sweden.
So, I'm thinking... Booking my trip back to Thailand already would be a good idea.
And taking my drivers licence would be a really good idea.
Specially since I paid for it already.
I let the universe decide for me.
Shiva, I need your help.
Test after test
Hello friends...
The last week have deffinitely been challenging to me. Spiritual.
Since my friends arrived, I noticed a lot of things "being in the way" over my practise.
I even cancelled 2 yoga classes I was suppose to hold (today and 2 days ago)
Because of what...
Today is one of those days. Tired and lazy days.
Yesterday was kind of the same, but I have my reasons.
Yesterday I just thought I was lazy but not feeling so well.
But this morning when I woke up, my throat was swollen and I could barely breath.
That's why I had to cancel my class today.
I went to the same clinic that Annica is in and I have tonsillitis. YAY! :(
I think that it must have been something with Annicas virus or something.
Jesse felt bad when he left too.
My lungs are fine tho, so that's good news.
I am very connected with Annica, my best friend.
When she is sick, I am sick.
When she is sad, I am sad and so on.
Now, we are both happy and enjoy our friendship in a clinic
in Haad Rin here on Koh Phangan.
It's a nice memory together... again.
Why go to the beach when you can stay in the hospital together?
We laugh about it.
I went there to see her, and checked myself at the same time.
I had a light fever and felt bad,
so I went to the bed next to her in the hospital and passed out.
Woke up, ordered some food and then were on the computer for a while.
Now I'm home again.
That was my day...
Oh, yeah.. we watched Animal Planet too.
A cat guy, who loves cats. Like the whole day. Crazy cat guy!
When I came home I went straight down to the nudist beach,
took a swim and watched the sunset.
And far away (at Samui maybe) there was a really nice lightening to sit and watch.
I love this place. I can't believe I'm leaving it... for a month.
I'll be back here again though...
But, I'm going to miss it. A LOT!
So... Fullmoon.
Fullmoon was crazy. I had so much fun.
And all I had during the whole night and morning was 5 beers and one bacardi breezer.
I was just dancing all morning...
til sunrise and then continued until 10.00 when they turned off the music.
Me and a Canadian guy stayed on the beach until 12.00 or something.
I am very receptive with other peoples energies so all the high people
on E or what ever they have been taking,
it felt like some of their energy have been pushed over to me.
Which was great. I felt awake and happy! It was crazy!
I remember some people asking me what I was on....
My answer to that was: I'm a YOGI! :)
I came home soking wet in white clothes and sand in my pockets.
Sun was hot and I was tired by that time.
I slept 2 hours and got up again.
I couldn't get that Canadian out of my head.
He made me laugh so hard and he was very confident with himself.
Which I like. A lot.
But you know, backpackers...
Now I'm going to start packing my stuff.
I'm out of here in 2 days. TWO DAYS!
Fuck...
Smell u later
Update....
Hello there...
Takes a while every time I'm gonna update. I know. Sorry guys.
I just have way too much in my head.
Or.... there is too much stuff happening around me.
And on this island.
There is so much stuff that you can do here.
So... Lately...
I've done the Tantra 1 course workshop. It's been amazing.
Finished today.
And I learned a lot how to seperate svadistanic feelings / sex with anahatha love.
It's hard to separate. It's good when you are having a relationship to know this.
Now I analyze it first and I have more control over my feelings.
I think that was the only thing I needed to have. Control.
I connected on a deeper level with people lately.
Since we finished the TTC, I haven't been an angel as I was DURING the TTC.
But, I know that I need to act like this once in a while to have a BALANCE to my life.
It's a side I don't always show, but when the tiger is out of the cage, you can't stop her.
HAHAHA...
I analyze myself and the life I am living. I know right and wrong at least.
And I am AWARE of everything I do and everyone I meet.
Sometimes I get upset, sometimes I get sad and sometimes I get happy.
Work with it. It's LIFE. I love it.
For the last couple of days, it's been really weird.
Annica and Patric arrived from Sweden.
Which was really weird cuz I haven't had any friends here visiting
or talked Swedish for a WHILE, when I've been here...
The day after they arrive, we drive up to Seagarden
and all of a sudden someone dressed up covered in a sarong over the head as a muslim,
with a mobile phone in my face (with the light), recording me.
I freak out, felt really uncomfortable after a while, since she didn't say a word.
As I turn around, she reveal herself... And I'm in shock... for hours.
We both started crying. And we have it on tape.
That was the best gift I've got in a really really really long time.
And the best feeling I had in a long time too.
That's love :)
Yesterday it was fullmoon.
I experienced my first fullmoon party together with Annica, Annica and Patric yesterday.
Their night ended pretty early (or late night).
I was going ALL IN, so I continued, ALONE.
And... For me... it ended when the last bar closed and turned off the music.
Like ... 10.00 AM. Went to bed at 12.00.
People asked me if I was on drugs. HELL NO!
I had couple of beers that some guys brought me, but more then that - No!
Craziest thing was that I could continue.
I had so much energy the whole day.
It was something that I think you should experience in life.
It was fun. A lot of fun. But also very sad. But fun.
And very hot guys. So I was super happy. Hahahaha....
I guess it's in Haad Rin and Baan Tai that they are all hiding.
Damn it.
Need to go there more often.
But I'm tired now. Really tired. It's time for bed now.
I will update later, another time.
LOVE
How we all are connected....
Do you wonder sometimes why you meet certain people?
And what's the purpose of meeting these people?
There is something to learn or to be learned from every single person you meet.
Maybe without knowing it.
I appriciate everyone I meet along the way.
In bad and in good. Mostly good.
I'm one of those who thinks that everything happens for a reason.
It takes a lot for me to cry to say goodbye and IF I do, you've touched my heart.
I do work on detachment a lot, which is great for me.
But I didn't say it is easy.
I learn, I experience and I respect.
Yesterday I hung out with Jesse practically the whole day.
Jesse reminds me of my friends at home.
A total goofball, I can totally go retarded with and talk about anything.
I love this guy, he is so natural to me.
Nothing to hide, easy and outgoing.
Just the people that I like.
Hate drama and guys that treats girls differently.
Definitely one of the persons I would LOVE to see again.
And I HOPE HOPE HOPE that it's going to be a happy ending
of the story between him and Jenny Heartsong. <3
Well, anyway....
Jesse told me today that he thinks that he is related to Kilmeny.
Kilmeny is Jodies friend and she is here with her daughter Vivianne to visit Jodie.
And Jodie is my friend.
She is one of those I connected with first during the TTC.
She is 45 years young woman, and has 2 kids and is a psychotherapist.
She reminds me so much of my ex Niklas (but he's a man)
Who are the same age, has 2 kids and kind of had the same job (almost).
Same life but a different gender.
And Jodies friends son Nicholas (Nick) has the same name as my ex.
Which is a bit weird too. Also a person that I had a good connection with at first.
Thanks to Jodie. I love that woman, that's for sure! :)
Jodie showed me videos on Youtube yesterday from Idaho.
Her friends son on skies.
I had one sentence after the video. "I NEED TO GO TO THE STATES".
And then we laughed and looked at each other hahahaha.
It's definitely something/someone calling my name over there...
It might sound cheezy or what ever, but I've always had something for Americans.
Somehow, the persons I find the most interesting is the Americans.
Guys are hot and ... weird.
I don't really care about the men right now, cuz I'm not looking after a relationship.
I'm one of those who think that it will come to me at the right time.
And when it's the right time, who knows?
I might have to wait a lifetime.
But I don't care. I'm not desperate. At all.
It's just stealing my energy at the moment.
Makes me really tired. ZzzzzZZzzzzz
But... I do have a good connection with most of the Americans anyway.
Maybe I've been an American in a previous life.... maybe...?
I love meeting older people, just to listen to their stories.
Most of them (mostly old men) tell me that I could be a northern Californian girl.
I've never been in Cali, but I could be one, that's for sure.
So, how are we connected then?
Well, you don't know. You just know inside of you.
Well, you don't know. You just know inside of you.
It's a feeling. I trust my feelings even though they change.
Most of the time, I'm ALWAYS right :)
Time for me to hit the beach :)
I promise you, I won't bite you so please don't be afraid of me.
Smell u later
So... what's up lately....
So, this is the view I have from my porch / bed....
I have just tried to be.
Enjoy, relax and try to figure out my coming month.
It's going to be hard to leave this house that I am at right now.
This is so far the BEST place I lived on since I've got here.
I could survive like forever in this house.
I'm ready to move in, like now.
For real. And never return.
So, next month is going to be hard.
I'm not just leaving the island,
I'm leaving our community of Yogis on the island.
And to go over to Koh Samui for almost A MONTH.
It's going to be hard. And a different life. Again.
But I sure will come back here and I'm gonna try to rent my house in june again.
I am seriously in LOVE with this place.
Watching the sunset on the beach from your bedroom / porch is not bad.
Not bad at all.
You understand now why I don't want to leave?
Today it's raining and I don't want to leave my house for anything.
It feels good to be inside and relax today.
I'm not missing out or anything anyway.
And just chill the F out.
Read, listen to some music, make something to munch on, dance a bit...
It's a creative day today.
Internet is kind of not working so I'm kind of organising my stuff.
Making lists and shit.
Meditate. (I did Yoga allready, this morning)
I tried out Childrens Yoga with Jodie today.
I loved it. That's deffinitely a big passion for me that I've never done before.
One of the things I see myself doing in the future.
I also did Sun Salutations on the platform this morning.
On Bovy Beach, where I live, there is a platform for Yoga.
Right on the beach.
It's most of the times empty,
but there are mostly longtermers that lives here, and mostly Yogis.
So it's a calm and nice ares on the beach.
Good vibes and I'm inbetween a nudist beach or a regular beach.
So you can choose what you like that day.
I don't have to go by bike to a beach, it's right out front.
And the little restaurant in the corner of the montain on Bovy,
"Golden Rock" is the place where it says you can buy "HAPPY SHAKE"
and "HAPPY SMOKE" on the wall... (If you are interested in doing that)
Around the cliff is the "Pirate bar",
where they once a week or two weeks have a party on the beach.
It's a club/bar outside on a "beach/cliffs.
A house / trance kind of bar. Where they sell laughing gas in the bar.
The place has beautiful sunsets and the sea is shallow but very nice just to lay floathing.
Oh yeah, and I've been on Koh Tao.
Did some diving there with my friend Peter from Boston,
that I met in Mexico 2009.
It was pretty awesome to meet again!
Time to be an adult and do some adult stuff...
Hasta Luego mi amigos
/ Cookie monster!
Detachment...
I have so many mixed feelings.
In general I am super happy and every day is going better and better for me.
But I still need to work on my manipura.
There are a lot of inpurities and I noticed lately.
I don't know why, but it's just feelings.
Feelings which I don't like.
I just have to accept them and let them go I guess,
but I don't want to somehow.
It's easy during traveling to work on this in general.
To be detached I mean...
Specially when you meet awesome people and you might never see them ever again.
That's the worst part of traveling.
A part of me telling me:
- No stay away from me... I don't like goodbyes.
Actually I hate goodbyes.
But at the same time the other part says:
- Hi, how you doing, want to do something fun?
I'm trying my best to live in the moment and NOW and enjoy everything.
And I DO. I SURE DO.
But...
I also need to prepare for separate from all the amazing people I meet along the way.
So far, I've met ... ooh boy, so kind and loving people.
This island is full of love and hippies.
I'm... confused ... I need to sublime my energy.
I think that the detox is doing a lot as well today with my energies...
And I can get really annoyed by things that have to do with MEN and WOMEN.
Games, rules, how to do this and that...
I hate it. Why can't everybody just be honest and say what they want or don't want?
I'm looking forward to the Tantra workshop.
Maybe I will learn something about men that I didn't know before....??
And I live with a man, and have 3 other crazy maniacs always in my home.
Always been lonely girl with a bunch of dudes, which I prefer.
Do my BROS at home count?
Why do men always see women so differently?
Shit... I don't play games, I fucking hate it.
OVER AND OUT!
Great moments....
Today have been one of the most relaxing days here on the island.
The Drum Jam on Happy Beach was one of the best so far.
I had really a good time, and I danced my ass off until I was
soked with sweat so it looked like I just had a shower… I totally loved it.
Brahm and Jesse and all the other people rocked tonight.
It felt like Hippie town without drugs. And what do we call them?
We call them YOGIS. High on life.
Everybody danced around a bonfire and close to the ”stage”
which today was the little stage, which I prefer better standing in front of and dance.
I even danced with Aves kid on my back…
It was one of the great moments from this trip that I will remember and tell my grand kids about.
”You know, when I was young and just graduated from Yoga school,
me and a bunch of hippies were dancing around a fire and people
where playing with the fire and they were playing drums etc.”
Isn’t that a great moment in life? Oh yeah I think it is…
And you know it was a great PARTY, when a Thai women who sell sweets,
stops by on her way home on the beach and hears us over there…
Stops by and we give her a tamburine.
She have never seen a tamburine before, in her life.
She is super happy and he tries it.
Then she let her bag with sweets down and start to join us to play music.
I am just one of those who dance so I got it all on tape too haha.
The woman stayed and jammed with us for 2 hours.
Then you KNOW it’s a good PARTY!
And I went home… on my bike and didn’t have a light. Couldn't see shit.
But I didn’t care. It was kind of fun of guessing where you go next in the dark, specially on a bike.
I have to say that I LOVE Jesse!
Funniest Buddy ever on this island. You are awesome!
Time for bed, me so tired... Have slept like... 4 hours or so...
Puuhh... yeah yesterday was a late night too.
Had a great time yesterday too though... :)
Why waste my time on you?
Okey...
Sometimes it's hard to find someone that you really get along with.
Or.. no that's not right... I do get along with almost everyone.
I mean... Who I can be with 24/7.
Someone I can talk to anything about.
Or a better word: SOMEONE I CAN BE TOTALLY RELAXED WITH.
I miss that feeling... of being 100 % just, completely... chilled out!
Someone I have something in common with, and can talk about.
And.... someone I can be in silence with.
I love to be in silence together with someone.
It's not always easy to find someone to be in silence with, but when I do, I love it.
My soul loves it too.
You don't always have to talk.
You can communicate without talking, and that, I like even more.
I'm not one of those who wants to be in the center of attention.
(At least not anymore, I've been there done that)
I like my social life, but I also perfer to have a desent conversation
with few people or just even one face to face,
instead in a bunch of people mingeling around and
just talking like chickens, gossiping about NOTHING important.
Prefer deep conversations. You know...
life stories, experiences, universe, spirituality or what ever....
Or sex. Sex always works as a conversation.
(at least for me)
I don't really care if you were drunk last night.
I want to know YOU.
Who are you, and why are you here, now, talking to me, for exemple?
I have ONE male friend like that...
We can almost talk about everything... accept relationships.... somehow.
And that is... Yeah, you know his name by now.
Jonas. The one and only.
And then... we have my wifey. My sweet Annica.
Which I somehow never get tired of.
She is one of those I can enjoy silence the most with.
And of course some other friends....
I AM SIMPLE.
You don't have to make it difficult.
Just be. Yourself.
And accept me for who I am.
And don't let me frighten you.
I promise that I am not scary...
One more day, then I'm finished in school.
LALLALLALALLALLAAAAAAAAAA
What's wrong with me....??
When the soul connects with someone or something...
It's when I can't stop thinking about it.
For the last couple of days I've been connected with so many things,
that I'm loosing my focus.
Loosing my focus on my studies.
And I just have couple of days left.
I can't stop thinking about this.
Every time I try, it's draging me back.
It's a different energy and which I have time for in the end of the week, but not now.
I see it as a spiritual test, cuz it sure feels like it.
Something or someone is draged into my life to distract me
and I just have to be strong enough to say.... Wait.... Hold on...
If it is still there in the end of the week, fine.
I just get upset with myself cuz I don't know what actually happened....
I moved in to Jodies place yesterday... and it feels great.
I love it here. A nice bed. A nice fan. No cockroaches or spiders,
just a cat and a dog... and some crickets.. but that's ok! :)
And I've got the best person to share this with.
Jodie is one of the sweetest Americans I've met. I love her! <3
Now... back to study...
Hasta la vista, baby!
Sunday....
I knew there was something...
My feelings are always right.
Where do I begin?
MAMA NEEDS HER SUGAR????
No, that's not what I'm going to talk about...
But... It's true.
Today... I don't even know where to begin with words.
And I don't know if I will be able to put this day down with words AT ALL.
I've been trying to just BE. Just be in the NOW today.
And... I would say, Oh yes I have.
All day. And it's been lovely.
Really nice, even though I had to study and I didn't...
What I didn't like about the day was my headache
who kind of fucked everything up for me.
To put it down in words I have to write like this...
"I got a little piece of a cookie and not the whole cookie itself."
But... gradually... carefully... and patiently...
I guess I can have it piece by piece.
Which is ok. More than ok.
Something I can mention about today is that I had my first acupuncture treatment.
And it felt great, but I guess that was what triggered my headache.
And that I went to the drum circle and everything around me kind of disolved.
Time for bed. Goodnight, xxxxxxxxxxxx
Just realized
I just realized that the 2 upcoming weeks are going to be super mega busy.
Were taking a look at my books about what is going to be on our test for our final exam.
70 questions.....
And Not just the posture we are going to hold for 10 minutes (I'm gonna go for Halasana)
And the other we have to hold either 5 min Nabhyasana
or 7 min Utthita Ardha Dhanurasana (on each leg!!!)
Or do Trataka (focusing on a dot for 5 min without blinking)
I practised Trataka, it felt like a safe card... but... I started crying.
And that's not good for your eyes.
I have to continue practise though...
I can get ryth of my glasses doing that, and isn't that amazing?
Tomorrow starts super mega studying...
Wish me good luck and see you in 2 weeks when we finished school.
Haha... Much love :)
Manipura class with Nauli Kriya
Today we had a Manipura class with Justine.
I loved it.
Manipura is one of those things I really have to work on,
and... I love it.
It is one of the first times I ever tried Nauli Kriya,
Normally we use a mirror under our belly,
so we can see what we are doing.
But today we didn't get the mirrors at first,
so I improvised and took my phone and used the camera instead.
While I was watching myself doing it,
Justine putted on some Manipura music to help us get going.
And it was quite an awesome class. . . . . . Loved it!
I may not have the body of a model doing this,
(not the stomach anyway)
But I decided to record myself doing it...
Cuz I also think it looks pretty funny. (and awesome)
I'm gonna learn how to do those waves and then
I'm going to record it and you will see it.
This is step one haha...
I just learn how to play with it now :)
Just another day in Sriiiiiiii Thanuuuuu
It's already the 6:th of March, time is flying.
I didn't pass the exam we had so I had to do it all over again,
and I did it today and I passed.
So, yay to me haha...
I'm just a bit slow, that's all. Air sign. Haha.
So.... I start on my next practicum right away.
Been sitting and listening to Swami for 2 hours now on the computer,
while taking notes about Sanka Pranksalana.
Even though I've done it couple of times before,
there are so much information that is good to teach others.
And of course, my mnemonics ... practise practise.
I'm starting to get used to it now.
Having no social life or any life at all.
Just study Yoga all day every day.
It's getting easier, but harder at the same time.
I think that I had some purifications coming up so that helped a lot.
I feel more focused now and I'm gonna try to do even better.
I decided to do the detox at ananda when I finish my TTC for 7 days fasting.
And then doing the Tantra workshop.
And I even decided to do a TEFL course on the island.
(To be a english teacher)
So I can continue my travel and actually earn some good money and make a living.
Have my Yoga at the same time and my massage.
Making plans.
I changed my flight home yesterday. Feels good.
Instead of april 16, june 20 is the new date.
So I have a bit of time to enjoy the island, do the TEFL and detox myself :)
It's time to sleep now.
Take care, much love to you all. <3
I can't decide
If I am going to write in Swedish or English.
I guess ... English... I am just so lazy that I want to write in Swedish.
First day I call in sick from school.
I've been feeling weird since this morning.
Felt like a fever and I've been hot and cold.
But it wasn't a fever.
Later I got a Chi Nei Tsang massage from Yaniv.
It's a massage on your belly, your abdominal organs.
Felt so weird, but it was good. A nice detox.
But after that I felt more weak.
So, I skipped afternoon class and went home to rest.
Here I am, in bed...
feeling sorry for myself and me and Jodie are going for a Visa run tonight.
Nice, we can study on the boat :)
I am going to be soooo happy if Annica arrives here in april.
And her brother and his girlfriend Annica too... (both named Annica) haha
And by that time I finished school and done a detox by then :)
Believe me, I am looking forward to relax.
Every day is up and down.
So intense. I think when I finish here,
this have been one of the hardest things I've done so far... haha..
And by that I mean mentally. My brain is spinning!!!!
I am going to read a bit now and get ready for later.
Much love. See you in a day or two.
Love
Just another pizza night...
Hey folks...
It's friday again... Time flies when you are having a busy time.
It was time for a pizza night again.
This time it was me, Elvin, Timothy, Guy, Yulia and Matt.
Class is coming together better in a way,
but I don't really know what is going on with everyone.
My guess it's a purfication thing going on....
But there is a lot of chit chat and gossiping and a lot of this and that.
I try to stay out of that shit, but I still like to listen to it...
It's so entertaining hahaha...
I don't have the energy to even reflect on what is going on.
I am here because of myself and my growth and to do something for myself.
I feel like "I've been there done that" in school. I am not 12 anymore.
But I have to admit... We do have a weird class. So mixed.
But I like them all, everyone is so unique in their own way!
I have my ups and downs still...
And sometimes I wonder WTF I am doing here!
Mostly cuz I feel sometimes that I don't fit in at all.
Tonight was nice. Having pizza after class.
I do like my class and everyone.
Sometimes I just feel lost. Like something is still missing.
Well.... more writing another day.
Time to go to bed.
And yeah, by the way...
I miss Jonas, do I have to say it again?
I wish he could be here....
Meeting with Swami
Today I had a personal meeting with Swami Vivekananda.
I was a bit nervous before the meeting,
but as soon as I saw his face and his orange little headband I was just smiling.
He is sending out good energy and I like just to look at him, makes me calm.
He had been giving my astrological signs before class and know where I am from etc.
He said that I am one of the best signs and people.
I am an aquarious in sun, capricorn in moon and accendent in Libra.
So I have two air signs, which is really good he said.
I am a person who likes to touch and be touched. (true)
He started to say things about Sweden and Scandinavians.
We are pretty smart people but not so many Swedes have a big Anahatha (heart chakra) open.
So, they leave the country because they feel that they don't fit in or that it is better love somewhere else.
(Exactly how I feel by the way)
So for me, who is a air sign and don't feel that love and to be close to someone makes me feeling bad.
I just have to get used to the enviroment here I guess, that's why I've been stressed out.
Can't focus and can't understand... But it's getting better and better each day.
He told me to work on to open my Anahatha and my Manipura (fire - strenght)
To build up my confident again and to be strong. (AGREE)
Manipura is main practise. And that will also help me to focus more.
He told me that I have A LOT of Svadistana .... Toooooo much of it!
With other words, TOOOOO MUCH sexual energy.
Sex for me is like medicine. (Also true)
I talked about my urinary infection and my appendix removal.
The appendix is lack of manipura och urinary infection can be when
I haven't had sex for a while and all of a sudden I do, cure it and cool for a while.
Then you need to have a lot of sex he said.
(He is so funny)
"You are like a sex godess!"
He told me to get naked and look at myself in the mirror and see
for myself that I am a good looking young woman.
Get one boyfriend, or maybe 2... or even 3... Have fun! :D
I love this guy, Swami Vivekananda - You made my day!
Ayurvedic consultation
Yesterday I went to see the ayurvedic/ homepathic doctor we have in school, Mihaela.
We had a consultation for 1,5 hours about almost everything in my life.
From sex to childhood to food and to habbits etc.
I told her the story about my sore throat I had for many years,
which no one manage to "cure".
She gave me some stuff I have to work on, not to the throat but other things.
Some advice and some homeopathic pills.
She gave me the pills today after the Laya Yoga initiation
we had with Swami and not yesterday.
When I talked to her, she had no voice.
She told me that she lost her voice after our consultation.
Is that a coinsedent or is it related?
What do you think? Well... I know that it has to be related!
I feel sorry for her though, but now she probably knows how I feel ;)
I have to say that this island... is special. very special.
It gives me the same vibe that Isla Mujeres gave me, but in a different way.
Isla is still number one, but the whole "get together" and the kinds of people.
I love the Yoga people. There are many weird ones, but in general...
They are all very lovely and sweet!
Maybe that's why I like it here so much...
Cuz I'm a weirdo too?
I do wich to stay here for a longer period of time and hopefully I can stay and work!
Now it's time to study!
Cheerioooo amigos!
Listen to your intuition
Going deeper into Yoga and listening to myself and my actions,
my intuition is getting bigger.
This is a good exemple:
Me and Steve just got up on the motorbike and driving from 7/11 when I got this feeling in my stomach.
The feeling of that something bad was going to happen.
I tell myself that nothing is going to happen (think positive right?)
and we continue driving.
My first thought was the driving.
Not speed to fast or we can crash etc.
I try to build up some positive energy around us.
We passed 2 thai guys and later on my feeling gets stronger.
In the little curve going down the hill, I tell Steve to slow down and be careful.
He says allright.
Seconds after that... The Thai guys drive up next to us on the LEFT side.
I know something was up.
It all happened very quickly. And I thought he hitted Steve,
But he stole his little green bag where he keeps his money.
Didn't have so much money left though and his phone was in there.
Luckely it was a cheap phone and there was not much to take.
Steve speeds up but I told him not to,
cuz we could be in more trouble or accident on the bike that we were allready in.
Shit happens.
I am just very very lucky that they didn't take my bag.
Cuz I had a lot of expensive stuff in my bag.
Tomorrow I will NOT bring so much. Just in case!
I guess I built up that energy around myself and not Steve...
But I was right... my intuiton.
Like always.
I feel something and I'm most of the time always right!
This Yoga is doing good stuff with me...
BTW. Here is some pictures....
