ૐ It's just me ☼ Lee Lee ૐ ☮ ♥

Those words from "ANNA ANKA" is stuck inside my head.
First time I watched the program on tv and now when you study the anatomy etc,
her body is just so fit and full of muscles that you can see without touching.
But then in the other hand, she is way too "skinny".
Not a single gram of fat on her body.
But what a woman!! :) I like.

I'm sitting here and eating my pear.
I bought a bag with them, and then Annica came home to me with another one!
So I can eat pears until I vomit now :)
It's sunday, and it's getting dark.... I enjoy sundays alot!

Yesterday was faboulus and I think I had the best Halloween in years!!!!!
And even though I didn't drink, I think I was the most lost person of them all anyway!
I had 3 glasses just like the old times, but this time with juice,
coke and redbull instead of drinks.
Many "close" friends didn't show up even if they said that they would.
And unexpected guests totally suprised me and we had a really really good night.
I have only been to a club once since I arrived home this summer,
so it was about time to move my ass on the dancefloor!

And so we did! And we did it well.... on "Inkonst".
With a halloween costume as Cleopatra.
Lucky me, it wasn't just me who were "dressed up".
Lucky me again that I live around the corner.
I love my neighbourhood alot.
Malin and Ema were pretty too :) and many others on the club as well.
Since we "strange" Swedes celebrate Halloween next weekend,
many didn't realize this whole "costume thing", but we totally kicked ass!
And we girls got alot of compliment. ;)

I had the best costume anyway.
Or at least that's what I think, and everyone else on the party too! :)

















That's all for tonight! :D

Later...

Tonight it's time for Lee Lee to have her first party in a long long time!
Halloween / moving in party...

I am very happy about it but we'll see how it goes to be sober on your own party
Kind of being a baby sitter to everyone else that are drunk.
Naaah, but I won't care... Just as they won't destroy my apartment I'm glad!
(Happened before u know)

I just gave my mom a massage and now it's time for Lee Lee to get e shower and get dressed.
Jenny is on her way over now and everything is done.
And she is bringing food .... what a nice girl. I like her alot! :)

Annica is really the best friend you can get. She bought food for me as well yesterday!
She knows that I'm totally broke.
I have 20 kr on my account and yes I have a bit of anxiety over this.
I'm not a shamed of this, I have more bills to pay then money I have.
But she is a really loving and caring girl and buys food for poor Lee Lee!
I love you!

Times up. Next song, better get moving! :)
Ta taaaa

Sorry dudes... Too many difficult words today and I'm too lazy to translate at the moment.
So this will be in Swedish. Use Google translate...?

Ja, varje månad så rubbas ganska mycket i en kvinnas kropp när det är dags för att ha mens.
I några dagar har jag varit helt upp & ner och ingenstans.
Daniel har försäkrat oss kvinnor att vi INTE ska göra Yoga under vår mens, utan vila.
Klart vi får göra det om vi vill, men kroppen är väl inte riktigt i balans som vanligt.
Jag som är envis och inte känner skillnad på om jag har mens eller ej går ju givetvis dit.

Och vad händer? Jo, jag stukar tummen så klart för att jag tappar balansen!
I tystnad försöker jag låtsas som ingenting.
Resultatet när jag kom hem var en stor och svullen tumme.
Bummer.
Och jag som hade bestämt mig för att börja med massagen nu.
Fast jag har min första kund på tisdag - Inge mindre än Tess! :)



My new painting. My little Yogi! :)

Mina tankar har varit helt ute och flugit på
sistone också och har verkligen inte kunnat förstå varför.
Men detta var innan mensen kom, jag har varit känslig som fan och rätt trött och nere bara.
Jag hade ingen aning om att mensen smög sig på mig heller.
I vilket fall som helst så insåg jag idag vad det har varit
med mig och varför jag tänkt så negativt.

RÄDSLA!
Som jag har gnällt om i tidigare inlägg och IRL så har jag varit irriterad på mentaliteten,
respekten, negativiteten, kylan, mörkret, etc etc. Ja allmänt gnällig bara!

Jag insåg IDAG.
Eller ja, jag har vetat det hela tiden, men inte insett det att det är ren rädsla.
Rädslan av att misslyckas.
Rädsla av att gå tillbaka till ett jobbigt liv.
Rädsla av att gå tillbaka till en depression och tappa mig själv igen.
Rädslan för stressen & presationen.
Rädsla av att inte finnas till.
Rädsla av att vara lämnad ensam.
Rädsla av att inte vara älskad och uppskattad.
Rädsla av att bli tjock & ful.
Rädsla för mörkret.

(Låter ganska patetiskt, men har man en gång varit deprimerad så har man)

Jag insåg att, visst jag kan fly till ett land far far away
men problemen är här och så fort jag kommer tillbaka så ligger det kvar.
Även om jag "hittat mig själv" och mår fantastico i ett annat land
så är Sverige det land som är hårdast för mig att leva i.
Det är HÄR det är hårt.

Jag har även sagt i tidigare inlägg att jag är "problemfri" i dagens läge.
Och ja det är jag, när det gäller förflutna saker som har "hänt".
Men inte när det gäller mig själv och mitt välmående och balans.

Visst önskar jag att Sverige borde bli mer som Thailand.
Fattigare men kanske lite mer glada och avslappnade!
Så om man nu är det i sig själv, då borde väl Sverige vara en stor utmaning?
Men mycket av det handlar ju om stress.
Vi lägger på oss för många uppgifter här.
Fast Sverige är ett bra land. Mycket bra, förutom kylan.

Jag lägger nu min rädsla på hyllan.
Eller jag ska i alla fall försöka så gott jag kan.
Älskar inte folk mig, så är det ju tråkigt för dom.
Jag älskar i alla fall mig själv! :)
Det andra får komma och flyta på, för nu släpper jag det.
JAG ÄR INTE RÄDD LÄNGRE!

Så länge jag har min Yoga så är jag glad!
Sen spelar inget annat någon roll... Så det så!

I took out my ping pong ball again.
It's time for that little bastard to be used again.
Last couple of days I've just been so tired and lazy.
I have no idea what's wrong with me.

The last couple of days, my head have been everywhere else then here,
down on earth.
So, it's time to concentrate and focus again.

I've been afraid. But when I think about it...
What is there to be afraid of?
To loose something, and to get a rejection and humiliate myself?
Well, that's things I have to deal with. It's life right!?

But when the time is right... The time is right.
No, from now on I'm won't be afraid anymore and I'm going to be strong!
What is the most important?
- YOURSELF!

I just hate when you have your period.
The whole balance in the body turns completely upside down.
And my system have been a bit weird lately since I took out my "spiral".
It totally ruined all my hormons in the body.
Talk about shock when it was time to have a "normal" period again.
This is the normal "GIRLY" stuff that all of us women have to deal with every month.

Be lucky guys!
A friend of mine told me something yesterday:
"I think that both of you are on the same boat, but just in different ends"
We just have to reach out, speak out and we find the way to each other!
That was very nice and cute said. And maybe it is like that?

I seriously think so. But I'm not sure.
Feelings of being afraid. Afraid of feelings. And rejection.
So, who will take the first step?

I'll wait for now.

I've noticed myself and this is the time a year when I start to get restless.
I have alot of stuff to do, but yet I don't think it's enough.
It's just like a missing gap in my life. And I can't figure out what's missing.

Yes, yes, the answer is more yoga and more meditation. I know.
But what if that's not enough?
It's been this time a year when I "normally" escape.
When the dark and the cold slowly slowly comes.
But this time it's not time to escape.
Even if I wish so for a week or 2! I have everything I need here...
And ... I'm poor. Of course.

I wish I wasn't at the moment. It would make things so much easier.
Yeah yeah, you have to work hard for the money.
I just can't WAAAAIT until I finish this god damn study, then I can do a nice little trip and work...
Woho.. I really love what I do!
I have to start doing it at home as well to bring home the cash ;)

Today I've spendt breakfast with Miche as usual.
And AT 12 Jenny came over and I've spendt the whole day with her.
Lunch at Ganesha and then we watched Annelie, Kåta Gun and Central skolan.
Then way too much tv and just hung out. Nice.
I still felt tired since yesterday when I felt sick.

Now I watch a program about Thailand and the tourist police that works there.
Like COPS but thai style. Funny! Nice old memories hahahahaha....

Well, it's time for bed. Yoga tomorrow!
Focus Focus. Shanti Shanti :)

peace love and understanding

When I was away (in the end of my trip)
I was pretty desperate and wanted to loose weight - fast!
My eyes opened up as soon as Annica met me in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
She gave me a birthday present: Carolina Gynnings second book: Ego Woman!

Carolina writes about Reductil, her special drug she uses to loose weight.
And as almost every Swedish person know, this girl is just getting thinner and thinner.
You can get it in Europe, but from a doctor.
It's only for people with a BMI over 30!
And well, that is alot. You have to be really really fat.
And I'm not.



And I wasn't in Europe! I was in Asia! :)
In Asia, you can buy anything you like... same same but different!
So I did. Easier then I thought.

I was happy. Or so I thought.
And you readers may call me stupid, I know I was.
But this did me good at the moment.
And I like to test things (at least once)

I was nervous as hell.
What if I can't sleep? What if I'm not hungry?
What if something happens, what if, what if, what if?

I knew what I gave myself into. Of course.
I looked it up online and I wanted to give it a shot.
So I finally took them... And... Nothing.

I was tired and hungry. The complete opposite!
After 14 days I felt the same as I did before.
And when I finished them all (the whole box) I was just mad.

So I went to a drugstore in Thailand and bought the fake ones.
Cheaper. Just a couple. Sibutramine!
The only problem with reductil is the SIBUTRAMINE.
Can get problems with your heart, stroke etc etc.

I took the pills more then a month and felt nothing.
Recomended is just one month.
And then it was time for me to start the Yoga.
I stopped with the pills before that because I felt sick.

I didn't think (or saw) that I lost weight. But I did.
When I started the Yoga, I had purification and I was sick sick sick as hell.
I think it was because of the pills.
And the migrain I had then as well then.
I didn't want to touch the pills after that, ever again!
But I brought them home with me anyway.

But the answer is, yes I lost weight.
And I lost alot. But, the pills was just a supplement before I started the Yoga.
It may have helped me with a couple of kilos in the beginning,
but 4-6 hours of Yoga everyday did me better then a month of pills.
SO the YOGA is the answer why I lost so much.

I sold some and I've still have some left.
They say that it have the same effect as amfetamin.
I have never tried amfetamin, but I never "feel" anything from them.

I can take one and then even if I know that they aren't good for me.
But it's just those special ecuations when I feel lazy,fat or tired haha.

SO WHAT EVER YOU DO! DON'T TAKE THEM!!!
If you are not really overweighted! :P

Do Yoga instead ;)

I guess that this text will attract more people reading my blog!

Sex.

As soon as the 3 letters shows up,
everyone becomes quiet and sharpen their ears and eyes.

Sex is fun.
Sex is magical and yet it's still so taboo.
Just one singel word with 3 letters can turn the world upside down.

So how do you describe sex?
Well, we have sex and then we have SEX!
It can be very easy, but if I say it myself - It's so much more!

Harder then you thougt right?
Sex is nice. But LOVE is better.
The combination is priceless.
What 2 people (or more) can share together can't be described with words.
You have to experience it yourself.

And if you go into it really deep, the connection between 2 souls is even better.
That is love. But sex and love can fool you as well.
Therefor I'm almost a nun at the moment and I feel more smart! HA!

It feels like ages ago now tho. And IT IS!
Have I forgot it all? I just feel shy...
I have never been shy like this before. I feel like 14 again!
Is my sex-appeal gone?
It's not like it's hard for a girl to get laid,
but I can't just drag home any random guy anymore.
I've never been a fan for that. Never!



For me, there is more... something bigger!
Couple of months ago I wrote a thing in my blog.
- "I've been dating since I was 15! WHERE THE HELL IS HE"?
Charlotte in Sex and the City said this.

For whole my life I searched for something I could never find.
Time after time I was disapointed and I lost the hope.
The one I wanted and needed (who were located inside of my brain)
were a magical prince on a white horse who saved me.
He had it all but this man were just an image.
I know he wasn't real. I made him up!
Like almost every single little girl does.

But today I think I may have found this man, but he does not know it.
Not yet anyway.
So after 25 years of searching, I now have what I searched for in front of me.
SO WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW?
Because I have no idea! I am hopeless!

If it happend to you, what would you do?
The guy knows shit.
If he doesn't read this and understand it's him and totally freaks out
and run away like every other guy I've met for the past 3 years.
Yepp, I've been burning off alot of karma for my mistakes now.

SO, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!
I'm going nuts over here.....

Well.... We'll see if the time is right. If not. Bummer.
I can't do anything about it.

But I'm still a princess, waiting to be saved by my prince!

Me myself and I start a new life today!
This is the beginning of something good.

To start with I have to say that I am so greatful and thankful to live the life I do.
And now matter how much I've been complaining about life before,
this is my time and I realize that it's good. And it's very good.

This morning when I woke up I wanted to stay in bed.
My cranky mood from yesterday was still there.
But 20 min later I was on my way to school on my bike.
Alert and on my way, I woke up during this grey sunday!
Those sundays when you normally stay in bed.

After half day in school and a bit of lunch we had our massage.
And like I told u guys yesterday, I picked one of the guys!
I asked if he was strong.Yes in deed! GOOD!
And yes yes yes, what a nice massage he gave me.
All pain - gone! :D

And then it was my turn.
More then 1 hour massage and I was sooooo sweaty.
But I love it, rather hot and sweaty then cold and freezing!
I am just a bit nervous when we are going to have our first "real costumers".
4 people in a row. That's going to be sweaty! :D

Every singel person I've done massage on have been falling a sleep.
Everyone except my little "test-rabbit" Joel.
I think I make him nervous. Haha ;)

But I know, I'm good with the massage. :D *brag brag*



Yeah, this is the end of the day in school.
Everyone was pretty tired and wanted to have a bit fun! :D
And it was actually one of the teachers who taped up his hand in the window.
God I love this school. It's so much fun at the same time!!!




Well, on my way home from school, I was just happy happy joy joy!
Everything was just sooo good. Life is just perfect.
I love my life. Nothing did really matter to me.
And it still don't.
Not the rain or the cold or taking the bike home.
Not that I couldn't see anything from my glasses either.
I was just a happy person on a blue bike in the rain.
It jus did me good, or even better!

I love what I do, and I love myself for taking such a good step in my life.
A real big step and study something and don't stand on the same ol',
same ol' step that I've been doing for years.

Changes are good. And deal with all difficulties in life do you good as well.
Just do one thing. Think first and act later!
I am so god damn happy where I am today and what I've been experiencing in my life.
I've been a very negativ human being before, but when I look back -
Yes, you maybe deal with small "everyday problems", but I am a lucky person.
And no matter what, everything is going to be ok in the end too!

But I have to say, it haven't been easy.
Life is not ment to be easy.
You have to do it the hard way if you want something good out of it.
That's also why I respect persons who have experienced alot in life.
Bad things, but have been strong. Like me! :D

I am a happy happy joy joy person at the moment!
Of course everyone has "those days" when everything is shit and you feel lonely.
Hey, I'm still human. Nothing is perfect!
I don't think I've been happier in life that I am now, age 25!

Age 25 they say it's the new 30!
This is when you go through changes...
And I can't do anything else then agree.
Everything is perfect in life.
Well, there is still some things still missing but that will come when the time is right.
I am in no hurry.  This is only the beginning.
This is when my REAL LIFE STARTS!!!! :D

Those days will come sooner or later, I just have to let go right? ;)
Man, work, money and kids...Sounds more of a problem then it is!
Work is easy to get, I'm gonna go to Denmark soon and have a look!
But if I get a fulltime job, I won't have time with my study.
So my focus at the moment is study and during the time I have to be poor I guess?
Since I have to pay for my study alone as well, since the course do not qualify to take a "study-loan"
all my money goes to this, rent and other small bills.

I barely have food on the table at the moment.
Winter is here to stay now as well I think and I don't even have a real winter jacket.
It kind of sucks but it could be worst.
I could have been without a roof over my head.

After all, I choosed to leave Sweden twice and live poor and work my way up myself.
And yes I was in pretty shitty situations.
I experience the world outside of the bubble I lived in.
And I did a big inner journey in good and bad.
It have been a long journey and not just around the world. Within myself.
And I don't think I'm finished either. There is more. Much more.

But at least I know myself better now since I learned to be alone.
And of course I've been doing many mistakes during the way.
Without support or REAL friends and family, you may do a couple of wrong steps.
But you will learn what's right and wrong.
I had many many many up's and down's along the way.
And if I can say it like this: The worst asshole beside me for a while as well.
Yes, that's right. Asshole but at the same time a very good guy. But lost.

I was lost for a while. We were 2 lost souls wondering around trying to find ourselves.
I found myself on Koh Phangan and the other one is still searching.
I think I've been experiencing more about life in 1 year then I did for 15 at home.
And sure, some pictures of the world and humanity is destroyed
but some are stronger and more powerful then before.
But I am happy to realize many things in life and the saying in Swedish:
"Det är vad du gör det till" is just so right.
"You create your own world" with other words.

I am still glad to be home, because now I don't have to run from my problems anymore.
Because now I am problem free!!! :D

Well, does problem with men and sex count? Naaaah....
;)


Hasta luego amigos!

I am exhausted (my brain) so I will write in Swedish.

Varför ska ALLA som har masserat mig vara så jävla klena och
rädda för att ta i när jag säger till dom att kötta sönder mig och trycka hårdare?
VAD ÄR DET DOM INTE FÖRSTÅR?
Jag gillar för fan smärta! (Skön smärta alltså)

Ska man bli massör så får man sluta vara rädd att ta i sönder någon.
Du är ju där i ett syfte, inte hålla på att mesa.
Det är ingen beröringsmassage!
Då hade jag kunnat be vem som helst klia mig på ryggen typ....

JAG HAR OCKSÅ ONT! Och jag får faktiskt mer och mer ont.
Speciellt i min "mus-arm" för att jag använder datorn för mkt.
Jaja, det får jag leva med.... Men ja jag ÄR spänd!
Och i kylan som kommit så märker jag att jag blir mer och mer spänd nu.
Mina ben börjar göra ont också. Ska försöka att gå mer och cykla mindre.
Om jag har förstått det rätt så förkortas mina hamstrings när jag cyklar,
sitter väl fel i positionen på cykeln kanske, så den ska också justeras!

Nej, imorgon under praktiserandet måste jag haffa tag i en av killarna tror jag?
Är det bara jag som e tjej och tar i så man känner det?
Fast och andra sidan så e jag inte så tjejig.
Jag känner mig mer hemma med "grabbarna" och har väl alltid gjort det.
Fast kanske mer i mitt tänkande. Jag har nog varit man i mitt tidigare liv.

Som en av mina bästa vänner sa igår:
Lee du kan verkligen alltid associera ALLTING till sex eller något snuskigt.
Jag pratade om muskler, och sa att jag gillade MINIMUS!
Mini-mus! Fniss fniss! Sen finns det ju MAXIMUS också ;)

Om det är manligt vet jag inte?
Men jag är öppen med det och kan vara ganska grov i munnen ibland.
Kanske utan att tänka på det och att andra faktiskt kan reagera på det.
Men borde jag bry mig om detta? Det är sån jag är!
Känner man inte mig så kan det kanske låta fel ibland....
Det kanske är därför det kan bli lite manligt kanske?

Men det är detta som gör mig så charmig. :D
Och det e därför ni saknar mig. För att jag ger dig alltid "lite extra krydda" i vardagen.
Jag är som en färg klick, jag sätter färg på vardagen när den är grå.

För övrigt är det lördag idag och jag har nyss kommit hem i från skolan.
Började morgonen med massage. Jag intog bänken direkt kan jag säga er!
Efter lunchen var det dags för fysiologi.

Oh gud vad jobbigt. Det är i dom lägena jag kan känna mig lite extra blond.
Men det är intressant. Sjukt intressant. Men jag är trög.
Ja så enkelt är det. Det tar lite extra tid för mig att förstå.
Men när vi väl kom igång så förstår man lite ändå. Nu gäller det att plugga också!
Nu är det inte bara massagen och anatomin jag ska plugga på.
Fysiologi också.

Men jag trivs som en fisk i havet. Jag älskar vad jag gör!
För någon dag sedan fick jag frågan:
"Känner du att det känns som om du gjort detta förr, i ett tidigare liv alltså?"
Som om jag var född till att göra detta?
Jag hade aldrig funderat på tanken faktiskt, och sa:
Njaaaaa.... jag gillar ju att arbeta med händerna...?

Men tanken satt kvar.
Ju mer jag tänker på det när jag pluggar och praktiserar
så inser jag att jag är rätt bra ändå trots att vi inte kommit långt i kursen alls.
Men det känns som om jag gjort det förr faktiskt.
Jag älskar det, och för varje gång som går så känns det mer och mer rätt och det blir mer och mer roligt.
Ja en sak är klar i alla fall, och det är att jag har arbetat med mina händer.
Fingerfärdig liten pillare är vad jag är.

Ja det är då dags för mig att pilla vidare med min fingerfärdighet.
Jag tänkte måla och lyssna på musik och flumma lite.
Jävligt skönt att vara själv, men det där lilla extra skrattet hade jag behövt idag.
Idag är en sån dag då jag velat ha någon här bara...
Jag saknar något. Bara en stark känsla fast att jag inte behöver ha någon här.

Äh. ska fan sluta skriva nu ....
innan jag börjar spinna in på allt som rör sig i min skalle.

Jag litar inte på min skalle. Det enda jag litar på är mitt hjärta!

Mitt hjärta öppnas lite sådär extra för dig.
Vem säger jag inte. Det får ni klura ut själv.
Och frågar du inte så får du inget veta.

I decided last night to get some sleep and skip the Yoga
this morning and focus on my study during the whole day.
So I woke up with anxiety and the dorrbell rang.
I had weird dreams. Nothing to worry about though, but I was sad.
It was the janitor of the house. He wanted to fix some things.

When he finished I brought my breakfast with me to the gym
and had breakfast together with Malin.
Then it was time to study for couple of hours.

I am very glad that she is helping me and I don't know what I would have done without her!
So, Malin.... THANK YOU WONDERFUL GIRL!!!
What I study is so interesting for me and I really love it.
I never thought that I could use this for so much,
and I have not even started the course (almost).
I am into it alot, and at the moment - everything is about spina scapula,
erector spinae, crista iliaca, adduction, abduction, clavicula,
tendo bla bla bla bla bla.... and the list goes on!!

Latin words are hard but fun! :D

Ludvig came for a visit at the gym and we had a coffee together.
After Malin finished, we had a short visit in the gym.
I'm still in my sweaty gym clothes (8 hours later)
I know, fresh huh? :P

I thought that I was suppose to be there during the day and then go home ...
But oh boy, I was wroooooong!

Me, Malin and Miche had free sushi at Ludvigs job after that!
What can I say? Free sushi is nothing to argue about.
THAT IS NICE!
And then after the free sushi I went to Lund and visited My & Lea!
OOOoooohhhh... We had a nice time in the sofa :)
Cozy time. She is the best.
And Lea is soooo damn cute!



I normally don't really like babies when they are so small.
Yes, I am too honest about that. It's just their weird looks I guess?
But she... is just something special! :)

I also have a feeling inside of me that wants to come out.
It's a nice bubbly feeling.
It's not the right moment yet. No stress.
I'm in no hurry at all... I know what I feel and I can't help it.
That's just the way it is.
But I really like it.
And no matter what is going to happen, it does not matter.
As long as I stay in balance.

FOCUS IS ON ME! And damn I love my life.

More positivity to the people! :D

Cherio my ladies and gents!

Fika is a swedish word for getting together with friends and have coffee/tea
and just chat and have a good time.

I like FIKA! And it is typical Swedish. That's all we do.
Fika, fika, fika all the time!

I remember that I talked about FIKA with my old captain Rick from the boat I worked on.
That is the only thing he misses from Sweden. THE FIKA!
He is a Swede but haven't been in Sweden since 1985.
Sailed around the world 3 times and he is more of an "American".
But he still have his "Gävle dialekt".
A good old man, but very special.
And I wish that all the drama that was caused on the boat never happend before I left.
(Or before they left I have to say)
I sure do miss them all from the boat.
Mostly Joey though!



So when I had my fika today, my thoughts were for Captain Rick!

Sweden when it comes to coffee, is very good experts!
Malmö has one of the best places that rosts the coffee and export etc.
KAFFE ROSTERIET.
So, if you are in town , and like good coffee - VISIT!!!



Well, anyway. I like to have a FIKA at home.
I had breakfast today with both Miche and Pernilla!
It's nice to do something together after the Yoga.

After they left, Jan called me very spontaneously and said that he was in town.
So then I had another coffee and chit chat around my nice breakfast table :)

This is all for now. Have to go. Ta ta!!

Sorry dudes, but this post will be in Swedish.
Just use Google translate if you want to understand me! ;)

Ibland är det jävligt skönt att få vara en riktig lortgris.
Men ännu skönare att vara en lortgris som blir ren.
Hellre lite skit i hörnen än ett rent helvete iaf!

Underbart att bo själv igen.
Jag kan diska när jag vill, fisa hur mkt jag vill och lägga kläder på golvet hur jag vill.
Det där är jag ganska bra på. Att slänga kläder omkring mig.
Det är som små spår överallt där jag varit.
Det är bara att följa dom så hittar du mig!

Idag har varit skön.
Bara fokus på mig själv. Börjar dagen med att fasta.
Jobbigt, men nödvändigt lite då och då.
Finns många som inte förstår sig på det där och tycket det är en dålig sak att göra.
Ja, det beror på sammanhanget och hur länge etc.
Men detta är en dag, och hur svårt är EN dag att hålla?
Och vad hinner hända? Nej inte mkt! Jag är emot alla bantnings kurer etc,
och detta har verkligen inget med det att göra.
Detta är en UTRENSNING! Alla borde göra det ibland.

Jag får i mig vatten och en jävla massa te, så det räcker långt om länge.
Jag mår ju inte dåligt, jag är bara jävligt hungrig.

Tro mig, jag stod i kylen med en korv i munnen.... och tog NÄSTAN en tugga.
Lukta på den lite och la sen tillbaka den!
Det krävs en stark vilja ibland bara.
Jag hade kunnat äta vad som helst just nu!
Och håller jag mig så stärks ju även min viljestyrka!
Man ska ju aldrig svika sig själv.... :P

Sen efter det så gick jag till tandläkaren.
Ja det var dags efter ett uppehåll på ca 6 år.
Nervös som man var för att det skulle vara hål,
så tog hon bort lite tandsten och vipps så var jag klar.
"Dina tänder är otroligt fina för att inte varit på besök på så pass länge"
YES YES YES!

Nu har jag nyss tagit ett varmt bad och skrubbat mig,
skrubbat mig, och åter igen SKRUBBAT MIG!
Min hud är totalt baby len och mina naglar är klippta (pga massagen)
och jag är ny vaxad och igår hjälpte frugan mig att färga mitt hår!
Jag har även smort in mig i fet kräm så jag e så mysig så mysig just nu.

På tal om vaxning så är nog en av de bästa skönhetsgrejerna jag vet.
Vaxar man sig så slipper man raka vart och vart annan dag.
Det håller i månader (iaf på mig).
Det är smärtsamt, men det är en underbar smärta!
Lite som en tattuering, ont men skönt.
Du vet ju att efteråt i det långa hela så gör det dig bara gott, som så mycket annat!

Jag springer nu omkring i mina nya inneskor som jag köpte igår.
Dom är världens bästaste! Och varma som saaaatan!!



Det som återstår nu är att plocka ögonbryn och färga dom!
Hade varit underbart med en massage också...

Det blir lite plugg på detta.
Ingen middag dock, sparat skit mkt tid på grund av det idag. HAHA!

MITT LIV E FAN SÅ JÄVLA NICE....

Förutom att jag är fattig, men pengar är inte allt!

JAG VILL DESSUTOM HÅNGLA. Fy fan va jag älskar att hångla.
Hångla är så jävla nice. Jag har inte hånglat på skit länge!
Det är nog dags snart tycker jag!
Hade varit jävligt nice att BLI upp hånglad mot en vägg just nu! Oj oj oj.
Typ sådär som jag gjorde med Malin en gång som jag inte ens minns själv.
Hahahahahahaha!!


Nä dags att ta hand om mig själv!
Puss på er alla pussgurkor!

When I thought about it when I tried to explain a bit for Pernilla after the Yoga today,
it's pretty unbelievable. Well, specially when it comes to me!

Just 6 months ago I had a medical bag that was almost bigger then my backpack.
I was the MEDICIN WOMAN!
I've had problems for years, when it comes to almost everything.
Pain in back, legs, allergy, breathing and I ate so much aspirin (ALVEDON as we call it here)
And if you put 1+1 together, you see the name of my blog - ge mig en alvedon
is translated to GIVE ME AN ASPIRIN.
I had pills for everything!!!

I went to the doctors sometimes more then 5 times in 6 months before.
If it wasn't urinary infection, it was otitis media or something else.
And I have to say, today I'm problem free! (knock on wood)
I haven't been sick since february/march. Not even a small cold.
NO MEDICINE NEEDED!

The answer is : YOGA!
Believe it or not. But it's true.
And now we are not just talking about postiours and exercise.
I'm talking about cleansing, detoxing and those things that you can do.
My system was blocked before and of course I'm not finished but I'm on my way...
You can't do too much cleansing or detoxing!

I am just so happy that I'm not sick anymore. 
Not even migrain or headache.
But in the other hand I had problem solved with a pair of glasses when it came to the migrain!

I've been eating meat for the last couple of days. Which I wanted and needed.
But now I'll have to stop cuz I feel heavy and swollen again.
And now it's time for a fasting. Not today though, but soon!

So, stop taking pills....
Or at least antibiotics.

Now the only thing I take today is vitamins and herbs.

Bye bye for now... I'll be back soon. Over and done!

ë Wow!

I looked at my statistics from the last 90 days.
It's between 28-38 readers a day on my blog.
But suddenly one day I had 69 readers!

I had to go back and check what kind of blog post that was.

And of course I was right.... -MY BOOBS!

SEX is the answer.... :)

Or well, NO... Sex is NOT the answer!
Sex is the QUESTION and YES is the answer!!!

Maybe I should post my boobs every day to get more readers?
MOUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!



;)

2 days in school, and not so much sleeping for the last couple of days.
I've had better things to do. Or just been busy (my mind).
Cuz I sure do loooooove to sleep! Specially on sundays!

But instead I drive my bike to school.
And on the way this morning, and freezing cold winter
feeling with numb fingers, I took this picture!



Lucky enough we still have sun, otherwise I would die!
+1 degree celsius today!
I've had a really good time in school. I really love it.
The new group is better then the last group!! :)
I learn so much and I wish that the study could be the same.
Or at least easier for me.



My new boyfriend...Is dead...?



Water, coffee (I would have been dead without you today)
Muscular system, anatomy and fysiology!

Now I have time with Malin to spend on the gym so I can study
while I'm there and I have her if I need help with anything! =) YAY!
What a great friend she is, and also letting me borrow her sewing machine!



And another great friend is Fluff. Again.
He is always great. And greater.
I will not say that he is the greatest, cuz I am the greatest! :)
And he always gets so cocky if I say that....
He helped me this week as well and fixed things with me in the apartment.
He likes to solve problems, so he is a better help then anyone else! :)



I've also been on IKEA 2 times this week.
Second time I bought exactly what I needed!
And this big flower is one of them!

And another great friend is Joel.
Who lets me borrow his muscular body for practise!
(That sounded a bit weird haha) For massage ok?


A coffee with Joel Holmgren after school today.
He is in town over the weekend and it have been ages ago!
Then I went home and made food. And here I am now.

I just took a hot bath and now I'm wrapped in my 2 meter long towel like a baby.
I'm going to make myself a nice cup of tea and
I'm gonna cuddle down into the sofa with a movie.
Then I'm totally going to pass out!!





I also had a pancake date with Annica last friday.
A very very nice night. We watched "The little mermaid"
and did banana pancakes :) and had tea. yum yum.



And little LEA came to the world 3 weeks ago. (?)
She is so cute. And so is the beautiful My, as always!!!
I love you.



Autum time in the sun, relaxing with my EASY TONE Reebok's.
Very good shoes for walking! And nice for the ASS!!!

This is it for me today....

Goodnight world. Yoga tomorrow!!

When it comes to myself, I can wish for something and almost everytime it becomes true.
"Ask for it, and it will be given."
It's crazy what thoughts can do and how human people can syncronize when they want to.
Sometimes you don't think about it, but when you do - It's pretty crazy!

Almost every day for the past weeks, things happen that I allready knew that was about to happen.
Very hard to explain this, but for exemple: I can think of a person that I want to see this person.
An hour later, this person calls me and want to see me. (This is just ONE exemple)

I know I have a pretty strong mind in the situations I can control,
and in some I have no idea what I'm doing. But I'm working on that as well.
I've been doubting about alot earlier in life and to break old habits is so so so hard sometimes.

But when I wish for something and do it to the full, it almost happens all the time!
It doesn't have to be big things. Power of thoughts!
It's like I send over thoughts or the other way around, and I feel it.
Sometimes they are sooooo strong. Or at least it feels like it.
And I have no idea what I'm going to do about it. More then get nervous.

I've understood lately that I've been syncronizing more with some special people.
A very few, but things are going my way step by step, but in the right way at least.
And that syncronizing is pretty nuts. I don't even know if the other person knows about it,
or is it just me that is thinking waaaaaaay too much about this shit...????
But, how is it possible then??

If I am going to move on in peace and a happy life, I've only got ONE problem to deal with.
Then I can re-connect with the syncronized people around me! :)

Until then... Peace, love and understanding!

For couple of years I've been carrying a problem on my back.
It's the worst I've had in my life and I can't let go of it.
But there is nothing I can do about it...
What is done is done and I can not turn back the time.
Even if I wanted to, believe me.

I've been tasting the sour apple for a while and had really bad karma.
But I deserved it. And I still do.
I feel sick. Soon the day is here when I have to open my mouth.

I've been trying, but I can not open it.
It's like my lips are sealed. I have to deal with it and accept it.
I am just waiting for the right moment and when
that day comes I don't know what I'm going to do.
I totally freaked out in panic yesterday...

But let me deal with my own problems.
The day will come, when I am ready!
Until then I'm going to have a stone in the stomache....

Love to you all anyway.

It feels like yesterday.

That day when I bought that special cake.
And I suprised you for your B-day with an all day jungle tour.
That day was really nice.
We watched the eagle feeding, had a boat trip into the mangroves.
Walking in the batcave, feeding the monkeys and saw they swim.
Watched animals, went to a fishfarm and then had a nice fish for dinner.
In the end we took ourselves a good swim.
It was hours of fun.





At the same night we were drinking at the reggea bar, and I made the band sing for you.
When we were on the beach celebrating your day together with everyone else.
You hated me so much for that, but you loved it! I know it!

But a year have gone by now and I am not there any more.
And neither is he, and not Frix either.
Nothing is the same and it never will be.
But I remember it as it was yesterday.

Today you and me are one year older and one year wiser (I suppose).
If you read this, I want to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
No matter what, you will stay in my <3

Have a great Birthday T, where ever you are in the world!

Hey everyone!!!

I got a comment in my blog haha... YAAAAY!!!
Most of the time people just sneak in and don't leave a trace.
So I am glad over your comment Nina!
Since you didn't left me an e-mail or blog, I will answer in my own with a blogpost!

This blogpost is for you (and everyone else of course)
I will write in English, so every reader will understand!
Hope that's okey!?

Yepp, I lost 20 kilos (almost) and I actually have no idea what I might weigh at the moment.
I've tried hard for all my life and had NO confidence (accept when I was drunk).
Without any result from weightwatchers and every other stupid diet,
that most of the time never work  - I almost gave up.
ALMOST!

But when I "almost" gave up and accepted myself for what I was/am.
And I started to love myself - That was when it happened!
I surrendered and accepted, but I never gave up!!!

I choosed to never give up on myself, so I started "a new life style".
And NEVER NEVER NEVER give up on yourself.
Of course there can be doubt, but have faith!

This was after a bad relationship and depression when I tried to find myself.
Lost as I was in translation.
My new lifestyle I CALL : SOBER!

When I was 16 or something, I started drinking... Heavy drinking.
Party almost every weekend.
And the result without knowing it was : BEING FAT!
I will try to write more about this, because it inspires others (mostly woman).

The first thing to do is to start exercise.
Or just do something that breaks your old habits.
If you drive a car - start taking the bike?
If you are on a bike, start walking!?
Small steps. Don't rush. It will take time. Alot of time.
But sooner or later, it will come. Be patient!

My dear friend told me:
"Rather a small step in the right direction, then running the opposite way".
Wise words from Joël :)

I do Yoga myself every day now!
And now I will try to have the time and go to the gym as well.
Only because I need to work up my muscles when
my new job is going to be pretty hard from now on ;)
I will write things that most of the people allready know, 
just like I knew it before but I never did it.
Somtimes you just need a push!

Stop eat so much crap.
You think you need to eat more then you do.
I started to loose weight when I stopped eating so much meat.
Believe it or not. I did cleansing and tried fasting (for one day a week).

I can not say that I am a vegetarian, I am just doing an experiement! :D

What I eat during a day? Good question!
It depends. I am not perfect! I do eat alot of crap too....
But I just choose to have 1 piece of chocolate instead of 20!?
DO NOT OVEREAT! SMALL PORTIONS, more often!

I go for yoga on an empty stomache (that's important).
And I eat my breakfast after class.
I didn't eat so much Yoghurt before, but every little tummy feels good after eating yoghurt!
So, that's what I eat every morning. (Together with fresh fruit and müsli)
The müsli I do myself. It's just to mix what ever you like.
I like to mix nuts, raisins, gojis etc.
AXA also have very good variations in the stores.

I drink alot of tea and water! I only drink soda in the weekend (instead of alcohol).
That's how much party I have! :)
Some people may find this very very very boring.
I did that too... Before... Until I woke up and realized and had my AHA-moment!
I used to laugh at myself that I couldn't be sober for a month...
Today, some people find this hard to get. Lee? Me? Say what?
But, hey - Look how happy I am with myself (and my look)

Maybe choose rice instead of pasta or bread too.
That is also something that makes me more full faster.
Before I went to Asia, this was a bit hard to be honest.
Now I love rice!!! And I don't need to eat so much as I do with something else.



Fresh fruits and vegetables. IMPORTANT!!!
Didn't you listen to your mother when you were a kid?
TOO BAD! EAT YOR VEGETABLES!!!

If you are stressed or just being lazy (that I've been lately)
Maybe try to eat something easy and simple,
but something that have good fat & protein and makes you full.
Like avocado for exemple.

That is going to be my dinner tonight.
AVOCADO, cottage cheese and MAYBE even some shrimps (if I'm not too lazy).

Drink tea instead of coffee!
Well, you don't have to stop drinking coffee, but cool it down a bit! ;)

I hope this answer will do to you Nina! :)
I am just a human myself, and not trying to be better then the rest.
I am honored that I can give inspiration though...



And here you go.... A picture from last saturday!
Me and Sanaa!!! :)

Peace and love to you all!
Om shanti shanti shanti <3

Woke up late this sunday.
I putted alarm at 09.30, because I wanted to join for the worldwide meditation at
10.10.10 at 10.00 am, for 10 minutes.

But, I snoozed and overslept and woke up again at 14.40!
I went to IKEA with my younger sister and brother.
Bought myself a new carpet (but I think I will return it again)
And a wook. So now I can make my wooks again! WEHO!

When I came home I've just been listening to music.
I turned down all the lights and lighted up candles and took a hot bath.
I bought a "scrub-glove" and bath salt and all those girly things....
So I've been having a nice time for the last hour! :)
Now it's just time to get myself smooth again with all my creams!

I now have my massage bench and I had to buy a Yantra mat!
So, now I am like everyone else. I am following the trend hahahaha...
No I don't care really but I like it, that's why I bought it!


Next week (1 h to go) is just going to be study study study!
After the Yoga tomorrow morning,
I will go to the library and sit there for the whole day.
And the next day and the next day and the next day....
I will even make my own picnic bag to bring! HAHAHAHA!!

The only thing I will book for next week is a little date with My.
I HAVE TO SEE THEIR BABY!!!
And of course, I miss my little My as well :)
In the weekend Joel Holmgren is coming down to Malmö
so I have to see him for a cup of coffee or something! :)

I also had to take off the little white band I had on my arm today.
I can't have it on when I work as a masseuse.
I've had it on since I got it from my guru, Swami Vivekananda Saraswati.
He said that as tradition, you put it on when you have been blessed and make a wish.
When the wish comes true, the string normally fall off.

Then I wonder.... If I had to take it off, does that mean it had become true then?
Or have I just forced it to be like that?
I didn't want to take it off....

I still wear the other one I bought from the munk in KL.
But that one I can roll off and on when ever I feel like :)

This is everything for me.
I'm going to bed now!

Early morning tomorrow... Kiss Kiss and Hug Hug!

Tonight was a really good night. Everyone was having a good time.
We danced until the leg and feet hurted.
Sanaa is totally crazy and damn she can shake that ass, jeez man!!!
She is WILD! I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

But it was time for me to go home to bed.
Nobody wanted to go out in the end because the party was better to dance at instead of a club.
I understand and I agreed, because they played really nice music and
everyone kicked the dancefloor (livingroom) pretty hard!

I took my coat and scarf on and left.
It was freezing cold outside.
I had a dress, and I was on a bike. Colder.
I also had high heels with open toe (no socks).
It is winter outside in Malmö now.
I could see my breath in the cold air, like smoke.
But I had awesome music in my ears that pumped me with adrenalin
when I was on the bike so I forgot the cold on my feet and legs.

Until I stopped. For the first time I like it in my life.
The cold I mean.
I've always been complaining about the cold here, but damn I missed it alot!!!
Because how cozy isn't it to crawl down in a warm bed and trying to be hot again after a cold ride home?
Damn, that's nice!!!

And by the way, I'm in bed and the music is still pumping my ears pretty hard.
I can't do anything else then loooooove my life so god damn hard!!!



Goodnight party dancing queens (and kings) !!!!

I got sunshine... on a cloudy day! :)

There is sunshine in my soul, in my body and a big smile in my heart.
My heart is open and I will let it be open for now.
Because today is today and tomorrow is another day....

Just had Lina over for the "finest coffee".
She is so cute... :D
I still don't have a drill to fix all my shelfs and hang stuff on my walls.
I'm still waiting for a handyman that can come and help me.... gah!!

Yesterday (as I wrote yesterday) was fabulous!
The whole day was exactly as I wanted it to be.
After my blogpost yesterday it went even better.....

The beautiful Joel called me and he was mine the whooole night.
MOUHAHAHA... :D
He finally bought me my halloumi cheese (in exchange of a massage hahaha)
Had tea, music, smoked shisha (maybe I forgot the word...?)
Is it called shisha??
Then I gave him the oil massage. Nice Nice.
Good man to practise on! Oh yeah!
Bought mixed nuts and then we watched the movie MACHETE with Alex too.
And then we both fell a sleep like little kids.

So the whole friday was very nice....
And the saturday so far also have been really nice.
I just hope it will be kick ass tonight ;)



Joel and Alex... on the way to Emmaus.. couple of weeks ago! :P
Beautiful guys!

Third time I'm writing today... Yeah I know, but I love writing!
I'm drinking "finest coffee" and enjoying myself alone at home today.
And by finest coffee I mean quality coffee from India, from Kafferosteriet.
Expensive as well... gah...(And not with alcohol haha)

I love it. There is nothing better then being alone at home.
I can do what ever I want to!
I love my new home. I love that I can do the dishes when ever I want to.
Walk around naked or just play loud music or sing really false in the shower hahahaha...
And I can bring home who ever I want to without asking anyone .... YAY!

And I also just have to stop in front of the mirror....every time I walk by.
Cuz I love what I see, damn it's not easy to be me... Meoooow!

I F*CKING LOVE MY LIFE!!!!

Today as I said this morning started very well.
And it even went better. And the day isn't over yet!!!!

I draged myself out and went for a Body Pump class on A&C Sport Center.
I like that place, it reminds me of Goodlife in a way...
Maybe it's because they have Less Mills programs?

After the class, the instructor asked me if I was an instructor.
*Chocked and blushing Lee* : What? Me? No, but I want to :)
I am just a friend of Malins hahaha....

He said that he liked my stance in the body and that he was
pretty amazed when he looked at me during class.
Wow, I'm impressed myself. And no mirrors either! :)
The Yoga is good for me because that is when I start to know my body to the full.

Malin even asked me if I lost more kilos, becuse she said that I start to look thin now.
YAY! =) Happy Happy Joy Joy! Now my only mission is to pump up my muscles.
I found my old papers from Goodlife couple of days ago.
85 kilo the most. (20 kilos) fat and muscles. Mostly fat anyway!

It's so god damn sick!!! When I look at old pictures I can't believe it myself.
I am going the right way anyway.
But my boobs. I have no fucking BOOBS left....

I have my old sport bra on today and they seriously almost fell out....WTF!!!
Well, I think this is one of the pictures from New Year 2007-2008
that made me realize that I have to change my lifestyle.
Look at my huge breasts....



I understand why the THAI's called me NOM JAI JAI hahaha...

Today when I woke up, it felt like the heavy stone I've been carrying for a while was gone.
Not really to the full, but almost.

This is an end of the chapter.
And a start of a new.
I have a new and great apartment, a start of a new and good life.

I had weird dreams last night and my boogie man was of course in it (again).
He is the only one that is stuck.
Stuck in my old chapter, and he won't let me continue on my new and good.
Not yet.

THIS IS A FUNNY STORY:

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO... I WAS A THIEF!

This morning I looked at my painting that I have on the toilette when I was in the shower.
When I saw this painting on a toilette for the first time,
I saw it hanging on my own toilette in my vision.
But the toilette was not mine (then).



I thought: I need this picture. I got to have it. I'll do anything.
Now almost 2 years later,
it's hanging on the exact wall that I visualised it to hang on in the first place.
Cool huh? It's been laying in a box for almost 2 years now, and now it's up!

Sometimes there is no explaination for what I do.
I did bad things before.
Like stealing the painting for exemple.
But every saint has it's past! :)

It's also a funny memory, because I was on a restaurant in Cancun, Mexico at the time.
And I was with Adeline (my french friend) and having lunch.
We had sailed from Isla Mujeres to Cancun with Lee's and Igor's boats.
Pete and Gail(?) had just left us and after lunch I took it in my bag and went out to Adeline.
I asked her to move her ass up and start to walk, while I should explain to her later.

She didn't understand a thing.
She just sat there with puppy eyes, a diet coke and her cigarette saying:
- Ooooh Putain ... Oh Leeeeeee noooo... come ooooon!!!

And that is the story of my beloved painting on my toilette.
Days and weeks after this we laughed and laughed about this.
Maybe not that funny story after all, I think you need to be there to understand.
And if you know me, you would laugh anyway! :P

But it's a great painting? Isn't it?
Can you see what it is? If not... Look again! :)

Sometimes I understand another person but in the same time I can't understand them.

It's weird when it happens. And sometimes I listen, but I can not hear.

This is when I'm not in balance. I'm in my ego mind.

(Talking to myself – Lalalalalalalala)

 

Talking about being on different levels. The connection.

But the question is just... when do you know that you are on the same level?

I think that you just know. Or you just feel as I prefer to say.

The feeling of the energy tells me more and not knowing with the mind.

And the womans intution is almost always right! :)

The mind play tricks all the time.

Sometimes you know something without knowing it.

And you also create your own reality without seeing some things.

But when you have the answers in front of your face and can see things

from someone else eyes or perspective things become more clear,

and then you have the understanding in another way.

 

What I am talking about is something that you can not talk to any “normal” person about.

Because if you do, they maybe will not understand you and then they
will think that you are weird, pretty lost or been smoking too much weed or something.
But what if it's them? Who are lost?

That's why I am such a smart ass and write it instead so the whole world can read it haha.

Well, I don't care!

My closest friends understand me because they are pretty much the same as I am.

I choose my friends very very wisely today. With love.

If there is no connection, there is no need for me to build up a relation.

Then I have “new friends” that not really know me that well (yet).

The time will tell if these new friends are the

one who understands me or the one who think I am weird.

 

But aren't we all weird in one way or another?

If you only knew what was going on inside of my brain, you would be amazed!

I had an interesting conversation today and it was practically what I suspected it to be like.

But it all went well anyway.

 

Sometimes you meet people in your life that can turn it upside down.

It feels like you have no where to go or don't

know what to do and then you just want to give up.

But, NEVER give up! NEVER!

 

In the bad times I've had lately, the good things showed up in front of my face.

Just like that. The only thing you have to do is SEE them!

Don't miss them.

I also have to say (again) that the connection with some

people that I've met in my life, I think it was ment to be.

Some of those people I've met before. In another life time.

How do you explain that? How do you describe that feeling?

When you can't explain and you don't know how?

You just know.

But is it the right time? Who knows?

The only thing is that time will tell....

 

I have to open up to the world now and write this....

But I fell in love with a guy before I even met him.

And when I met him the first time, it felt like I've knowned him for a decade.

And in another life. Like my missing puzzle piece.

I don't know what he did to me, but he sure did something.

This have never ever happened to me before and I can not explain it.

I also have no idea what I am going to do about it....Since he made me totally lost!

I am never nervous, but as soon as he is around I'm literally shaking!

I feel like a little kid and I've never been so shy in my entire life.

 

So this is when I want feedback from someone and I question all this....

Can it seriously be like this? And how? Why?

I am just a normal human being... lost in translation. So, tell me...

Am I just making up stuff in my mind again or is it for real?

When do you know? HELP ME OUT OVER HERE GOD DAMN IT!

Today I woke up and was suppose to go for Yoga.
Then I realized that my bike was on the other side of town.
(To early to walk over there and still make it to class)
So I went to bed again and woke up when my phone called.
It was from DHL. My delivery of my massage bench had arrived.
With the wrong adress, of course.

So I flew out of bed, and down to my bike WHO WAS not there....Damn it.
I didn't have the time to walk so I took the bus and picked up my 19 kilo bench.
I was lucky that Anna slept in my apartment yesterday
and could help me out on the way back from the bus.

Then I went for some shopping.
Golden curtains with some nice decoration on them.
They are not being used as curtains.
No, instead they are hanging in the ceiling beside my bed.
So now it feels like I have 2 rooms :)
A shoe rack, toothbrush holder and cup and then I just bought some food! :)

Been fixing things with paste and a hammer today too. :D

Jane came over and looked at my apartment,
then I took a long and hot bath in my new bathtub!!
I putted on some chillout music and lighted candles. Oh, it was so nice!
Afterward I went to my old apartment again and picked up
my kitchen lamp and then we changed the last keys.
Now I don't have anything to do there anymore. Sweeeeet!
Chapter is finished....

The rest of the day I've been spending at home.
Just trying to decorate and fix the last things.
The kitchen lamp is up (and is clean), curtains in the kitchen as well.
I love what I am doing and I have not much left at all.
Then I can relax to the full. Woho! :)
Next week I'll be spending at the library and trying to study because I can NOT study at home.
It's crazy but I can't open the book!! (?)

Tomorrow is full with Lina, Jan and maybe Joel on my schedule.
I need a drill and a strong man because I've been going nuts here tonight.
Been swearing like "the carpenter" because I can't get out a screw from the wall....
Trying to murder the screw cuz it doesn't move!!!

Well, it's time for me to go to bed... It's a day tomorrow as well.

Peace out. Live and let love :D

Yepp, you heard me.

I'm done. Everyhing is up. :) YAY!
Fluff came over today too and joined me couple of hours in the mess.
Then Ludde and Johan came over for a while as well.

The only thing that I need now is to put some shelfs on the wall and decorate with some art.
And make my place a bit more personal and cozy!
Then I'm done. MORE FLOWERS IT IS!!!

Tomorrow I will be doing the last things on the list,
go down to the basement and leave all the things I won't use.
And now at least my floor is empty! :D

It's time for some shopping!
Then it's time for Yoga and meditation as usual again.
Had couple of days off while moving, and YES it's time....
It's always a good time!

Now it's time for bed. Tomorrow is another day! :)
Thank you everyone that is a part of my life.
I love you all!

Peace out.

Yesterday was a very good day.
And today I am shining and smiling.

The moving went well, and I have beautiful and good friends who helped me.
The best: Miche, Fluff (Jonas), David & Jenny. And dad and his wife of course.
After moving things from Annicas apartment, mine apartment and into my new,
we were exhausted and as a tradition when you move, you have to buy pizza for everyone.
So, of course I did. And I had one as well.
It was a really long time ago I had a pizza! Yum Yum!
Joel also came to say Hello.
And then me, Jenny, Fluff went back to my apartment and everyone else went home.

Willy came over and the boys fixed my bed while me and Jenny did the kitchen. :)
I continued the whole night with 2 breaks during the whole day.
I just couldn't stop! It was too much fun!!!
But I wasn't alone and thank god for that.
Fluff was here the whole day and night. (until 02.00 am)
and we fixed alot together, we are a good teamwork!
Without him I don't know what I would have done.
THANK U FLUFFY!!!

He is such a great friend that helps me with anything. (almost anyway)
AND he likes it too, and I enjoy the company and help and like I said - great teamwork!
We listened to music, talked alot and had fun while playing cards,
eating ice-cream and drinking tea!

And finding him inside of my new walk-in closet working out (pumping his arms)
with a rubber string was just so fun :) That is Fluff for me. <3 <3 <3
He always brings a smile on my face.
He is one of the best friends I'll ever had in a really long time.

I had such a good feeling inside of me and while we were playing cards I just loved my life.
I said "This is what life is all about. I don't think I can get it any better at this moment".
I was happy and I was smiling, just as I do now!
Even if I don't see him that often anymore, I am having a really good time when I do.

The moment after I said that, I had to pick up all the cards.
We laughed and he totally ruined my moment!



Picture from 2008!

Last night I was suppose to set my alarm to 06.00 am.
To do laundry at 07.00....
But the feeling of being sick and having a migrain (first time in many many months)
made me NOT to set any alarm at all this morning.
The laundry can wait!

This was the first morning in a really long time I didn't wake up to a alarm at all.
And you know what? I feel absolutely perfect!
I woke up without stress and I told myself that these things can wait.
I'm no longer in any hurry... Good huh?

Yesterdays thoughts and conversation came back to me
and the first thing I thought about in the morning was
that I am pretty tired of being around superficial people.
I am glad that I can talk normal with some people, people that can understand me too.

And what I want and what I need is something deeper.
That is what life is all about, right?
I was holding that thought when I turned on the computer.
And the weirdest thing showed up on facebook.
A comment on someones status, and if I translate it it will say:
"Life is on the depth, not on the surface".
But the Swedish is sometimes hard to translate when it comes to the words.
It is suppose to be something like this : "Life is deep, not superficial".

It's weird that it's the first thing I see, while having all the same thoughts in my head.
A big smile is on my face and I can't do anything else then agree!

I love strong people that can stand out, be themselves without taking anything.
People that can support themselves, and try to support others in the same time.
(Not every day though, we all know that we need space too)
But people that can open up to others, be honest, and say what's on their mind.

I also like people who doesn't try to live in the past.
Easier said then done. I'm trying my best.
I am absolutely not the best.
But I know for sure that MEN have more problem with this then women.
I would like to say this to many men: "GET OVER IT"

Don't regret, don't forget but move on.
Once you've closed that door, another door will be open for you.
Maybe you just need to open your eyes and see what's in front of you.....?
Be satisfied with those little things that you have.
Maybe you realize that maybe THAT is the best for you,
instead of searching and waiting for something else?

Everything happens for a reason. If a person leaves you, it was ment to be.
You can not change that.

I watched a movie the other day, he said:
- If you love someone, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's love.
One thing is for sure, I've surrenderd!

But from now on, no superficial.... I like it deep and nothing else.



Have a good day!

I didn't realize it was that easy to loose balance.
Well, it's easy to get back up again, but it takes alot of efford.
Every day is up & down... You maybe already get me at this point because I've said it before.
And I will probably say it again.... and again....

But how others affect you with their energy is crazy.
And when I don't get time to do my exercise or daily "feel good" things,
I get stressed and my brain just gets overloaded
and sometimes it feels like my head will expload.

Sometimes the "old Lee" comes back with a negative mind and "feel sorry for myself".
That's just when you need comfort and a bit of help or support.
But when there is no one to help, it just won't do.
Not more then to get away at the moment, trying to relax and deal with it later.

Some people affect you more then others.
And how your brain and food can control everything around yourself is also pretty nuts.
But it's interesting, interesting to feel like shit.

I affected a friend today. Not on purpose though.
I felt a bit better, at the moment but when I got home it got worse again.
Energy... Jeez...

SYSTEM OVERLOAD!

I've got a migrain... And I can't eat!
All I've been eating is ice-cream and fruits for dinner.
But that was all I could eat. I feel so sick.
And I can't sleep.

Something is seriously really wrong...
I've also been having weird dreams about someone lately.
The mystery man in my dreams is back,
and I'm starting to think that he actually is a boogy man.
I sense that something is up.... If I just could figure out what.



It's time for bed....
Love you all