Being Gods weird child
People say I’m weird here.
“She is weird but she has a very big heart.”
I hear it more and more often.
And in weird most of them mean a “good weird”.
Something they would like to find out more about.
There is something mystical they say.
Something they are interested in, but it kind of scares them at the same time.
Scared of the unknown change that might take place.
Might or might not.
And I feel this too, way too many times.
But I take risks. All the time.
I know this position.
I have been in their shoes.
I found people like this earlier in my life, couple of years ago.
People I looked up to at as my guides,
my Gurus, my inspiration and my motivation.
Those who I could talk to about my weirdness.
Those who listened to me, who believed in me.
I still find these people, but not as many as I did before.
I guess I am too selective the older I get.
And I am just not satisfied with "avarage" anymore.
I take a little knowledge from everyone I meet and I make my own path.
Life is a lesson.
They are there in your life for a reason.
And so am I.
It took me a while but I got myself into that position.
With just human interactions, self help and a lot of spiritual work.
But it’s a big progress and it’s not easy.
It takes time, determination and practice.
Mostly self respect and honesty.
And you can never be fully learned or have enough of
knowledge because it’s a never ending story.
It’s one of the hardest things I have ever done.
To change.
To be willing to change.
To love myself so I would be able to love others.
Even I loose myself from time to time.
Then I just need to stop…. and breath.
Even if I can get crazy from time to time, it’s not in a bad way.
Or not my intention anyway.
I am still human like the rest of you.
What people doesn’t understand is that we are all the same.
We all have this “weird” knowledge inside of us.
You might just not know how to be able to get it out of you.
Because some of us are just not “there” yet.
Or it's the "unknown" that scares us.
Most of the time it’s because we have monkey minds.
And we like to listen to that monkey mind more than ourselves (spirits),
our hearts or our bodies.
"Drunken monkey swinging from branch to branch".
That's where we are. And the only thing we need to do is to calm the mind.
And HOW easy is that??
REALLY?
Yes, meditate... Not the easiest.
I will call this spirituality.
You can call it what ever you want.
I had it inside of me since I was a child.
We all do. But some have it more visable than others.
I was a child that belongs to the world according to mediums,
clairvoyants and other spiritual beings...
And I really believe so.
My heart is located at so many places in the world.
Some people have a stronger ability to do/see certain things.
I never believed in that bullshit up to the age of 20+ something….
My mother always bothered me in my teenage years.
But everyone believed she was crazy (and so did I) and I told her to cool down with the witchcrafts.
But deep within I knew there was something bigger out there.
Something bigger than my Mum was talking about
Walking a spiritual path is very hard when it comes down to family.
My Guru always says; Once you think that you are enlightened, go be with your family.
And you will see how enlightened you are.
I have never been able to take on the information my mother gave me.
She introduced me to certain things, but I walked my own path of discovery.
I can listen, but she is not one of my guides.
Therefore, I would most of the time never do it her way.
But I know for sure that I have been my Mothers idol for a while.
We change positions.
And I will always love her to death, no matter what.
Because at the age of 30 I realized that she is a "mum" after all...
And the only thing she needs is what everyone else needs too:
LOVE!
I knew that I had a purpose on this planet.
I knew what I felt and it was a though road,
but a road that I will be satisfied with in the end.
I still don’t know where I’m going to end up, I let Universe guide me.
But I know my purpose.
Slowly slowly, I became more connected to planet earth.
Questions I had for many years, I found answers to.
I feel. I hear. I understand.
But sometimes I get blind and sidetracked.
Walking a spiritual path, has many ups and downs.
It’s a karmic circle and we come back so certain things for a deeper understanding.
For the time to heal, let go and never stop loving no matter what.
Shallowness is irrelevant for me.
Connection is bigger.
Helping is stronger.
Being there for someone is what I am here for.
This is what I am here for.
I get it now. And I gain so much from it.
But it also hurts.
I think we call it Love.
There are so many different ways to love,
and doing it unconditionally is what I am aiming for.
But it's so hard.
It doesn’t matter if you smack me in the face after I have helped you up,
because I will always come in peace.
And if you decide to hate me after I have helped you, I will love you even more.
(Yes, I will be upset for a little while in the lack of respect)
I am human too, and I also have feelings.
But once you have helped them, you are finished.
It’s time to move on. And here is the hardest part:
DETACHMENT!
But I also understand now that some people are not where I am today.
Some people are where I used to be in life.
I sound like I’m very old, but I’m not. (30 years old)
And some of the people I help, can sometimes be double my age.
I’m practically still a child when it comes to this path.
But I have it naturally inside of me, and it’s easy for me to connect to it.
It. I will call it energies. A tuning. A hum. Vibrations. A connection.
And the more I work on it, the more I connect.
But the more I get sad too.
The problem is the feelings of others.
Being an empath makes me sad many times.
Because I realize that the only thing we have in the end is Love.
My love right now is Unconditional.
My heart burst open that I don’t know what to do.
I try to hide it, to be normal.
But it’s hard for me.
I fall in love in everyone I meet a little bit.
It’s pure bliss but people cannot take this.
NO, I CANNOT TAKE THIS.
So I close.
But I still feel strongly.
And when you have a strong connection it’s even harder.
Every time.
But I learn from it every time, I have to let go.
My mission here on earth is healing.
I’m a helper, I’m a giver.
This is something I have to live with.
Being hurt is a part of the process.
I accept it even if I don’t like it.
But today I am being able to look at myself from a different perspective,
a different past, and I can see clearly how my path has changed.
And how it is changing all the time.
Where I once was, was long gone from where I am today.
I will not let myself get stuck again.
Life is too short for that.
While some parts of my life I have to re-live to be able to move on.
Again and again.
Karma.
This is the beauty of life.
This is why we need to wake up.
Nothing else is relevant right now, we need to open our eyes.
We need change.
We need help.
And we are all made of stardust.
